Earth Defense Force 2017 Portable Review

The 2007 version of Earth Defense Force 2017 took me by surprise. With mediocre to downright awful graphics, terrible animations, constant frame-rate drops and a number of other issues, it should have been something I tried, laughed at and moved on from. Instead, it became an addiction. 2017’s shooting felt good, it had lots of loot to collect and the way it embraced its terribleness made it an endearing and instant classic.

Enter Earth Defense Force 2017 Portable. Turns out that destroying legions of giant insects, arachnids, robots and more holds up pretty well on Sony’s handheld, and the additional levels, playable character and multiplayer options make up for the lack of the original’s oh-so-special couch co-op. Flaws and all, this handheld shooter is undeniably fun.

If you’re looking for a quality narrative, then you’ll need to play something else. 2017’s story feels like 1950’s sci-fi camp, with cheesy dialogue that provokes snickers and jests. You play as a member of the titular Earth Defense Force, fighting to save the world from an alien threat collectively known as the Ravagers. The Ravagers employ swarms of mammoth insects, as well as a variety of mechanical constructs, and your job is to kill them no matter the cost. This translates into a very simple equation: if it moves and isn’t human, you shoot it with whatever the hell you have and ask questions later.

It’s the act of unleashing furious destruction that makes 2017 so much fun. Firing rockets sends bugs flying through the air in a completely unrealistic manner, while the errant shot will bring down any building it hits. Slamming a multi-story bi-pedal robot with a high-powered rifle makes it flail around like it’s having a seizure, and when it eventually dies, it bursts into a completely harmless but satisfyingly epic-looking explosion. Seconds after dropping into most any level in 2017, you’re pummeling everything in sight with reckless, liberating abandon. Your guns feel absurdly powerful because they are absurdly powerful. You aren’t punished for missing, but are rewarded with destruction that, while totally cheap and repetitiously animated, still satiates that part in all of us that loves to see things obliterated.

The enemy AI only really know how to lock on and come straight at you, but 2017 provides a substantial challenge by throwing hordes of enemies at you in every fight. Whole horizons are obscured by giant ants or spiders piling over one another to try and kill humanity, and instead of inspiring any dread it just makes my trigger finger itch. Some games that throw tons of enemies at you just feel frustrating, like that’s the only way they can provide a challenge, but 2017 does it because it’s just a whole hell of a lot of fun to shoot things. Yes, this occasionally results in times where it feels unnecessarily difficult, but generally you can maneuver and lure the enemies around in such a way that you never feel trapped, or like the designers on 2017 were just trying to be cheap.

Besides being fun to kill, the swarms of enemies also provide 2017’s abundant loot. Every enemy has a chance to drop a health item, a piece of armor that permanently increases your health by one unit, or a random weapon. This means that while you mercilessly mow down wave after wave of the alien bastards you also have to be moving into them to collect the goods, ensuring that you’re almost always in the thick of it. You also don’t find out what guns you’ve unlocked unless you finish the level, and only unlock better guns on higher difficulties, so there’s lots of reasons to grind stages. Most importantly, though, I found that I wanted to grind levels for guns, because the sheer number of weapons means that there’s always something better and more useful for me to find.

While the portable version doesn’t suffer from a poor framerate nearly as badly as the original console title, 2017 still has a number of issues that make it feel like the kind of game you’d find in a bargain bin. Pop-in is constant. Enemies all look exactly the same, and in the distance their animations are halved. Dialogue repeats. Enemies constantly clip through one another and the environment. The menu’s aesthetic looks significantly out of date. Many levels are pretty much the same visually, though they’re all still fun to play. You could easily nitpick 2017, but as soon as you blaze a corpse-laden trail through a city, the game’s flaws are easy to somewhat overlook -- if not outright enjoy -- because it all feels so stupidly appropriate.

The original 2017 was at its best in cooperative split-screen, and while the Vita isn’t capable of this, the new multiplayer options are a great alternative. 2017 Portable allows up to four people to play locally or online through the entire 60 mission campaign, and there’s also a totally new and totally forgettable versus mode. I’ll admit, online play isn’t quite the same as laughing and cracking jokes at how dumb 2017 is on a couch with your friends, but it’s still a lot of fun, and a nice option on top of local play. Moreover, the ability to play with up to four people in a game, as opposed to the original’s two-player limit, makes 2017 Portable’s multiplayer feel superior.

Giant flying ships? No problem.

Once you’ve battled through2017’s campaign on various difficulties, there’s plenty of reason to do it again thanks to the new playable character. Called Pale Wing, she forgoes the ability to jump and use standard projectile weapons for a jetpack and energy guns. It makes her play completely differently, and allows you to utilize vertical structures in ways you never could before. In short: she makes 2017 Portable feel fun again, even if you’ve spent hours and hours grinding the same levels.