SECRET FILES: Rahul Gandhi is married to the Congress and hopes to remain so

By Ajith Pillai


If you can't get information on a leader, tap his phone. Sleuths of the MI6 (UK's external intelligence agency), who believe they have the licence to overhear, have been tuning into the mobile conversations of Rahul Gandhi.

Now, these minions of Her Majesty's secret service should have been arrested by the IB, because they are easily identifiable and stand out like sore thumbs.

Of course, one concedes that there are many foreigners who fancy they are James Bond, but no one, other than the Brit agents, have made the absurd demand that the chaiwallahs near the High Commission in Delhi, serve their tea shaken, not stirred.

Congress vice-president Rahul Gandhi is married to the party

Congress vice-president Rahul Gandhi is married to the party

That apart, a few strange things have been happening since Prime Minister David Cameron's India visit in February.

For example, the Rahul Gandhi tapes and its transcripts were actually leaked by two faulty taps in the British High Commission in Delhi, which, incidentally, has washed its hands off the leakage by blaming it on a plumbing downeffect.

But, the IB, which grabbed the information with much glee, has luckily given select journalists what its operative describes as a "crucial tape", in which, "RG is talking to an unidentified Indian buddy in the US."

Here are excerpts: Rahul: Hey man! How many times do I have to tell you that I am not interested in another marriage? So why send me all those pictures. You may ask why I am not keen on tying the knot. Well, shaadis may be 'maid' in heaven or Manhattan, but it has to be suffered on earth. The old Kishore Kumar song says it all - Zindagi ek suffer.

Buddy: Rahul, you are becoming a philosopher. I understand what you say, but don't you know, you have been an eligible but 'married' bachelor for too long.

Rahul: I'm a philosopher because I'm married to the Congress party! As Socrates said - "By all means marry.

"If you get a good wife, you'll be happy, if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." That said, let me tell you that once you are hitched to a party, you have no option but to party with the party.

You simply cannot be a third party. Buddy: That must mean a lot of partying! Is that the reason why you are not marrying? I could organise a good lawyer - here in the US, they are all over the place.

A divorce is easy - in Yankee land, we make the impossible possible and the possible impossible. Rahul: Buddy, let me tell you, if you seek divorce from one party, all you can do is marry another.

In short, you are stuck with one or the other. Look at Narendra Modi - he is married to Gujarat, Jayalalitha has tied the knot with the Tamil cause and Cauvery etc.

Me, I am wedded to the Congress, although I must admit, it is a very accommodating relationship, which allows me to eat at Rajinder Dhaba and indulge in my pastime - motor sports -and there are no objections to the loud music I play in the car.

Also, at least for now, another marriage is ruled out since I do not intend to make a sequel to Dynasty, although my friend Shahrukh Khan is very keen.

Buddy: I say, forget all this shaadi ki baat - I hear you have been invited to deliver the keynote address at some University in Gujarat?

How did you manage to swing that? Rahul: Well, they gave their okay and the Gujarat government granted me a visa after I sent them my photograph with the Modi mask on.

In fact, between you and me, Narendrabhai would have had no problems with the Wharton keynote if he wore a 'nakab de Rahul Gandhi'.

Buddy: Interesting! So, the mask maketh the man although it takes a man to make the mask...


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