Sorry libertine liberals, but Joseph Farah, owner of the thousand pedophile stare and proud mustache dye fetishist, has got our number. See, he’s managed to land a rare exclusive post on the pages of the distinguished printable shit rag, Wing Nut Daily, (by being the owner of the whole cage of winged monkeys) to demonstrate his new knock down argument that completely puts those uppity homosexualists in their place.
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
The only way I could understand hypocrisy less would be if someone trepanned my skull and even then, I’d probably gain some clarity. On that note, abusive “ex-gay therapies” of demented closet cases ranting at queers to get back in the closet or else should be supported by gays because something something, trannies are disgusting.
~There’s a hole in the world like a great black pit
and the vermin of the world inhabit it
and its morals aren’t worth what a pig could spit
and it goes by the name of~ The National Review Online.
Ha ha, America! You may have thought that you were feeling the lingering effects of that economic depression everyone tries not to talk about. If you’re lucky, you might be stuck in a job you hate (or that hates you). If you’re not, well, we just don’t like talking about you unless we can blame Obama for not single-handedly fixing that despite the fact that we keep voting down every attempt he makes. You may even be noticing that there seems to be a shit-ton of new Danish and other Scandanavian companies popping up everywhere and even pipsqueak nations like Sweden feel safe to come by and use our desperate people in the same way as we use third-world nations.
But never fear, Victor Davis Hanson, White Supremacist Extraordinaire, has come with assurance that while the system may seem broken and creaky, everything’s running just fine. No matter what problems we’re encountering, we’ll get through with all the wide-eyed optimism and pluck that defines the modern musical. Why in fact, I feel like singing!
Musical Shorter (or the last dance before the end):
~We all deserve to die! Even you, Mrs. Lovett, even I!~
That’s why he’s being prosecuted. Because he killed someone. Or more importantly because he’s been accused of killing someone. Cause that’s what happens when you’re accused of committing a crime.
For someone who spends so much of his time whining about how “having a few small questions about the Satanist plot to brainrape anyone who knows about Obama’s secret Kenyan abortion doctor birth certificate” doesn’t at all make him a racist, Jack Fuckwit here is not doing himself any favors by literally boggling at the concept that the legal system isn’t actually just for keeping the niggers and the faggots down.
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
I’m selling a book, so please take the time to listen to my incredibly belated attempt at white-washing and dime-store legal ninjitsu on why Trayvon Martin actually used his tentacle mindrape powers to make Al Sharpton snipers take fire on poor huddled George Zimmerman before breaking out tiny Skittle bayonets and stabbing him over and over forcing the confused and harried Zimmerman to shoot an unarmed teenage boy.
And somehow, despite his Johnny-Reb-come-lately attempt to corner the KKK bookworm market, he still manages to find a way to be more offensive than the psychopaths who turned George Zimmerman into a cult conservative hero in the first place*. Read the rest of this entry »
I got an old oscilloscope a few years ago because I work on antique guitar amps, and because I didn’t realize how it would freaking ruin my appreciation of science fiction.
The trouble began when I watched Silent Running and saw that my exact model of oscilloscope was in use on the bridge of the Valley Forge, as a sensor to detect distant spacecraft.
I have been unable to use this feature on mine. There is no combination of settings that seems to detect spacecraft at any distance. Hell with you, Silent Running.
Over time, through other movies and TV episodes, I learned that my oscilloscope’s capabilities also include alien language translation, tractor-beaming, and scanning for life forms.
Needless to say, if I can’t detect spaceships, I’m not going to have any aliens to talk to whose space-gibberish needs translating. No combination of settings seems to emit tractor beams. The bushes outside could be rustling with ninjas for all I can tell, scanwise.
Plus, if that life-form-scanning function even worked, how would I know it wasn’t detecting me, earthworms, or even airborne bacteria? You might as well have a device in your home to detect atmospheric nitrogen (or gravity).
So long story short, yesterday I attempted to watch the first episode of Space:1999 only to find Barbara Bain (as Dr. Helena Russell) using my very oscilloscope to detect abnormal brainwave activity among the personnel of Moonbase Alpha.
I’m going to assume without even checking the knob settings and output jacks that this represents YET ONE MORE FRAUD perpetrated upon the science-fiction community by the oscilloscope lobby.
[PS: If the vid doesn't start at 1:20, advance the slider-thingy. KTHX! -Steiner]
“I know all about threats. They’ve come after me, they’ve audited my taxes, they’ve tried to besmirch my reputation, they’ve have tried to attack my character.” -John Fund doing his best Tommy Wiseau impersonation
Yeah, I guess 30+ years after the Feudalistic Right sold everybody the fantasy that if we just hold our breaths and wish hard enough, we can all be lifted up on the 1%’s golden parachutes over the rising floodwaters, there’s not enough rhetoric in the world to make us swallow that horse chestnut one more time. As such, defenders of perpetual serfdom have had to get more creative to argue why workers should continue to get less than the living wage so that a handful of rich douchebags can buy another set of matching Lambourghinis with their record profits.
And who is better suited for creative fictions than a man willing to invent a fake campaign to self-promote himself?
According to boyfriendoftheyear, John Fund, since segregationists occasionally passed laws that benefited people in the name of hurting minorities (probably the only way you can get a conservative to pass a law that benefits another human being who isn’t a rich white douchebag), this somehow makes the Fair Labor Standards Act and all subsequent minimum wage laws triple Calvin Candie evil or something.
No, seriously.
It’s time for conservatives to take the offense against the minimum wage, which has a sordid history rooted in the Jim Crow era. The nation’s first mandated wage floor came during the Great Depression in the form of the Davis-Bacon Act of 1931, which set permissible levels of compensation for any federally financed or assisted construction projects. The “prevailing wage” levels set by Davis-Bacon are, in effect, almost always union wage rates.
I suppose when this argument is appropriately laughed off the stage, John will follow it up by arguing that the mandatory sprinkler system laws passed in the wake of the Triangle Shirtwaist Fire were an attempt to block women from the workplace and therefore work safety laws are sexist.
I know this is a bit late, but I totally see what Jeffrey Goldberg’s doing there:
I bring [Virgin Ben's "Friends of Hamas" smear of Chuck Hagel] up to note the remarkable fact that Mr. Shapiro, who has positioned himself as a stalwart defender of Israel and of the Jewish people, has expressed views that place him squarely in the fascist camp…In a column published in 2003, Shapiro explicitly endorsed the idea of forcibly expelling the Palestinians from the West Bank. This was the position of the extremist Meir Kahane, who was banned by the Israeli Supreme Court from participating in Israeli politics because of his racist views.
The Atlantic’s Jeffrey Goldberg Was a Follower of Jewish Rightwing Terrorist Meir Kahane
Now Goldberg’s using Jennifer “Bili” Rubin in exactly the same way and since we all live in what someone smart called the United States of Amnesia, he’ll get away with it, becoming the Moderate & Reasonable Jeffrey Goldberg.
The gays are responsible for our national debt crisis.
A reader recently complained to the WaPo ombudsman that the WaPo was too nice to gays, that it even included stories about gay people (gasp!) dating. Instead, the reader whined, the WaPo should mention that Billy Graham and the Pope think that two gay men going out for pizza are both just one slice away from damnation and that dating gays eating pizza devalues pizza for normal straight people. When the ombudsman explained that it was only a matter of basic fairness and decency that the WaPo treated gay people like everyone else, well that prompted an outpouring of wingnut hysteria from the like of James Tarantoad at the White Street Journal and David French over at America’s Shittiest Website.™
Tarantoad merely huffs and puffs about the WaPo’s leftist liberal pansy-pandering bias. French, however, takes it to a new level, particularly over the ombudsman saying reporters are merely being libertarian when they treat gays like normal human beings and not the diseased, family-wrecking, drug-addled immoral perverts and pariahs that they are.
It’s astounding how many times liberals say “libertarian” when they really mean “libertine.” In reality, when it comes to sexual politics, the mindset is far more libertine and left than libertarian. They’re libertine when it comes to certain forms of self-indulgence (don’t tell me what I can do with my body!), but they’re leftist when it comes to the consequences (don’t make me bear the costs of my choices! I thought government is that thing we do together!). By contrast, the true libertarian may or may not be personally libertine, but they also do not believe someone else should be compelled to pay the costs of their behavior.
Yes, that’s the problem with gays. If you let them go on dates, they expect you to pay for their pizza. If you let them get married, they demand that the federal government pay for their big gay wedding cake, and their reception and honeymoon, and their cute little townhouse in Gayville. I mean, honestly, what the fuck is this guy talking about? Oh wait, obviously when gay people get married, the taxpayer has to pay for the cost of the marriage license, unlike the marriage licenses issued to straights which are paid for by the, er, same taxpayer. Nevermind.
Of course, the exorbitant demands of the gays that everyone else pay for their gayness, by picking up their their gay bar tabs and paying for their Lady Gaga music download is what is wrecking our economy
The sexually libertine leftist lays the groundwork for cultural and fiscal ruin.
No, really, he actually said that. Gays are to blame for the national debt, not the Congressional Republicans who fought two unnecessary wars on credit.
Subsidizing family destruction creates perverse incentives at the individual level, fosters ever-more destructive behavior, and consequently impairs our economic ability to continue the subsidy as we create a vast and growing pool of state dependents.
You see, when gays get married, they stop work so that they can stay home and fuck all day, then demand welfare benefits, and the next thing you know those millions of non-working, married gays on the dole have added another trillion dollars to the national debt.
Oh, and as the voting pool of dependents grows, reform is ever-more politically difficult.
The problem is not only that we let the gays marry but also, and even worse, we let them vote!
Well, that’s all for now. I’m off to the welfare office to pick up my gayfare check.
As their world crumbles before their very eyes and the social changes they have desperately tried to inoculate themselves against finally bulge and bend against their steel reinforced closets, conservatives have become nostalgic of late. Nostalgic for a time when they could rant like a drunken buffoon about the various inherent villainies of the unprotected underclasses and their poor liberal friends just had to cough their way through it so they wouldn’t be seen as “rude”.
Verbatim (And fuck your boat, we’re going far beyond mangoes tonight!):
I miss the beauty of the world. I miss when things were done well. I miss when every value wasn’t undercut by ideological intent. I miss when people told themselves the truth and knew what was good and what wasn’t. I am sick of the progressive world. I want to celebrate a regressive world without listening to fools cherish every possible change or re-evaluation.
One of the many interesting mutations to develop in the radiation treatment that was this last election was how the various denizens of Wingnuttopia decided to handle their various fuckups with regards to pomp and circumstance.
Specifically, whenever they managed to fuck up something like a debate or a convention, there was suddenly an outpouring of paid hacks to argue that said debates or conventions shouldn’t have ever existed because of the “no fair beating us on our style game, you big poopyheads” rule. Now, some may recognize this approach from their middle school days when some friend of theirs responded to not making the football team or not getting together with a romantic interest by pretending they never even wanted to in the first place and besides the expectations that they should do X type activities is a bunch of bullshit.
Well, luckily for all of us who wanted to live those halcyon days (i.e. literally no one), the right wing are deciding to make it part of their standard response set to what will surely be a long line of failure.
Though it appears the Hagel nomination will be confirmed by the Senate, we who opposed it are still winners for we showed the world that we can smear anyone as an anti-Semitic traitor and totally get away with it.
Karl Rove and his billionaire employers have no place in a Republican party whose “grassroots” are watered by the Koch brothers and whose proper candidates are funded by Sheldon Adelson.
Looking at the garish party invitation in my daughter’s hand, my heart sank. The venue was bad enough: the dirty, sticky soft play area at our local leisure centre. But the name of the birthday girl told me all I needed to know.
With her pierced ears, passion for pink leggings and array of electronic play equipment, Charmaine is definitely not the sort of child I want my daughter associating with. Pretending to look at my diary, I sighed. ‘Oh what a shame. We’re busy on that day.’
Poppy looked disappointed until I promised to organise an extra tennis lesson. ‘Why don’t you invite Maisie?’ I suggested, naming a classmate I do approve of.
From there it gets even more Oniony and April Foolsy, but is apparently serious. As it is outside our realm of expertise, we lay it down, cautiously ring the doorbell of a certain SoCal casa and run like hell.
Just because Democrats are unhappy that Ted Cruz smeared Chuck Hagel as the Mullahchurian Candidate, doesn’t mean Cruz is McCarthyite. We knew and loved Joe McCarthy. Ted Cruz is no Joe McCarthy.
Google is reading my mail so that it can force me to vote for Democrats.
The “diarists” over at Red State, kindly put, can’t figure out how to flush a toilet without an instruction manual and hot hunky tower of manliness Ben Howe is no exception. (Actually, Ben would probably need to have the instruction manual read to him.) Even so, Ben’s notion that Google is reading his email and his attempts on Google Docs to write Hunger Games fanfic as part of some giant conspiracy to keep the Kenyan usurper in the White House really takes Red State diarist stupidity to a new level.
Remember that enormous, sophisticated data operation the Obama campaign had? The one that gave them massive daily data on public opinion trends in almost every segment of potential voters.
It’s almost as if Democrats had access to some sort of huge database of real time information about what the public was reading or writing online. The kind of breathtakingly large, real-time data that could be used for real-time trend analysis, predictive modeling and even behavioral manipulation.
Now if you think Ben is going to pause even a nanosecond between “it’s almost as if” and “it’s an absolute fact,” you have seriously underestimated him.
Now, combine Obama’s political campaign with Google’s near-comprehensive real-time data and the left’s behavioral analysis. What do you get? Beat.
You see Romney didn’t lose because he wanted to cut Medicare so his buddies could buy bigger yachts. No, he lost because he got scroogled. The almighty Google read everyone’s Gmails so that the company could turn all its Gmail users, who otherwise would definitely have voted for Romney, into mindless Obamatons who stood in line for hours to carry out commands from Great Google and the Negro Usurper.
I suppose this is not much dumber than saying that Obama won because he gave all the darkies Obama phones or because Hurricane Sandy blew all the Romney voters into the basement of a split-level in Montauk and trapped them there until the election was over.
Yes, Dan’l Webster’s dead — or, at least, they buried him. But every time there’s a thunderstorm around Marshfield, they say you can hear his rolling voice in the hollows of the sky. And they say that if you go to his grave and speak loud and clear, “Dan’l Webster — Dan’l Webster!” the ground’ll begin to shiver and the trees begin to shake. And after a while you’ll hear a deep voice saying, “Neighbor, how stands the Union?” Then you better answer the Union stands as she stood, rock-bottomed and copper-sheathed, one and indivisible, or he’s liable to rear right out of the ground.
–Stephen Vincent Benét, ‘The Devil and Daniel Webster’ (1937).
You know what I’d love to not be writing about right now?
Goddamn guns.
I mean, it’s not like other things haven’t been happening since Sandy Hook. The Pope resigned from being God’s personal dickbag to being just one of his dangly follicles again. The Republicans are attempting to shut down their fake Tea Party apparatus down and finding it’s mutated on them. And the president is continuing to be offensively non-white at right-thinking white people everywhere.
And yet, here I am talking about a two week old post like it was a fresh bag of garbage. And that’s because every time I fire up the usual haunts, I get a nonstop flow of attempted rationalizations over why every paranoid schizophrenic needs an anti-tank rifle and an ICBM.
Oh sure, there’s other stuff too, but the various permutations of scared little boys having a temper tantrum about someone saying they might have to restrict their favorite toys a little if they keep on insisting in killing all the little girls they can just keeps on a’rollin’.
And today’s post being as it is a product of Even the Liberal New Republic’s raison d’être provides a somewhat revelatory admission amongst the usual distractionary bullshit.
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
You liberals just don’t understand how intoxicatingly erotic firearms are, with their sultry curves and powerful triggers, yanking back hard on my shoulder, like… uh, er, right, yes, obviously, us gun nuts can be trusted on gun policy and remember that we’re the only voice that matters in the debate much like the only voice that matters in domestic violence policy are BDSM life-players and the only voice in suicide policy are autoerotic asphyxiation enthusiasts.
Yes, the McMahons are wingnuts but they are more loyal to their business — dare I say craft or art form? — than to politics. They know that a necessary ingredient in watchable wrestling is a great heel; and a great heel must have a great gimmick.
Ladies and gentlemen, representing the Tea Party, Uncle Zebekiah Coulter:
Formerly known as Dutch Mantel, a real relic of a wrestler who has done pretty much everything in the business. He was a booker (writer) for many years and I wouldn’t be surprised if he scripts most or even all of his new wingnut character’s lines. He’ll be cheered in deep red places, hated in blue states. This is a special wingnut event for me as I was a huge wrestling fan as a kid and remember hating Dutch Mantell with a passion when he was in Memphis trolling Jerry Lawler. Good times. Read the rest of this entry »
During the George W. Bush administration, which was highly unpopular among Republicans, the government collected taxes, funded a Department of Education, and blew up Iraq in the name of democracy. Ergo, Karl Rove can’t be a conservative.
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