Living with a colicky baby (A blog break)

{a rare moment}

Before I had Jonas I think I thought "colic" simply meant a baby was gassy. I didn't know or pay much attention to the word. Colic can be defined as a condition of a healthy baby in which it shows periods of intense, unexplained fussing/crying lasting more than 3 hours a day, more than 3 days a week for more than 3 weeks.

If Jonas is awake, he is crying. Not light fussing, but crying, screaming, scratching his face, throwing his head around, CRYING. And this has been the case since he was born. We didn't know it was colic right out the gate since he was so young it was hard to tell. Even though around 2 weeks old one day he cried violently for 13 hours straight (minus nursing). I didn't want to believe it, because there is no cure. I wanted to think it was something in my diet making my breast milk hard for him to digest or maybe acid reflux, but now at almost 7 weeks, its clear that this baby has colic. And it is not so clear how I have not yet jumped off a bridge. 

Thankfully the first two weeks are long gone and I no longer have to deal with my body healing from the physical stuff that happened during labor and the intense roller coaster of emotions that were dumped on me afterwards, because dealing with that and the colic? Well that was a pretty dark time. Now my body is healed and my head is clear and it still feels like the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. 

So it's amazing I made it through the very beginning.

Other than the obvious little things like its hard to find time in the day to shower, go to the bathroom or make myself something to eat, its extremely isolating. I feel trapped in my house. I did join a mom's group and have gone a few times and I know they don't mind him screaming, but I do. Its exhausting enough dealing with him at home (with all my "tricks" nearby) but in a park with a bunch of people I've just met? A little more challenging. 

On the rare occasion he takes a long day time nap, I usually nap too. Or eat my one meal of the day before Jon can come home and relieve me. I am not about to go hit the social scene when I am so exhausted. There isn't energy left for me. And speaking of that, he is only eating breast milk, so I am solely up with him around the clock feeding him in the middle of the night and every other time. Jon would love to help with feedings but I honestly have no time to pump. And when I do have a free 30 minutes? It's usually not at the top of my list. 

Which I guess is my own fault. 

Where is this post going? I don't know. I just wanted to explain my absence a bit. Basically, for the past 7 weeks I've had a baby screaming his ass off in my face whenever his big blue eyes are open.

I hope to be back sooner than later.