The Sega Saturn Bust-A-Move 2 cover looks like a photograph of a whacked-out hippie's worst nightmare. Seriously, do you think anyone would look at this and say, "Gee, I love shoving matchsticks into my eyelids to keep myself from blinking while groaning in painful agony. If this video game can emulate such an experience, I shall surely purchase it!"
And things haven't improved much with time. Super Bust-A-Move for the PS2 features an intimidating chubby baby gurgling blood-red bubbles.
Acclaim apparently thinks the best way to market video games to kids is to make packaging so scary that kids will be too afraid to look at it, let alone pick it up. And to think they almost went bankrupt.
6. Pac-Man (Atari 400/800)
Unfortunately, the guy who did the artwork for the Atari Computer port of Pac-Man envisioned Pac-Man as a buck-toothed, Frisbee eating, washed-up marathon runner with high socks who lived in a castle.
There's a rumor that a live-action Pac-Man movie may be in the works, but it won't be nearly as good as my version. If I directed the film, Pac-Man would be an unemployed guy in a yellow suit who lives in a dirty apartment and verbally abuses his wife (Mrs. Pac-Man). At the beginning of the film, Mrs. Pac-Man leaves Pac-Man for Dig Dug ("At least that way I'll get a good pumping every once in awhile," she'll say) and Pac-Man soon spirals deep into a crippling "power pellet" addiction. To make matters worse, the ghosts buy Pac-Man's apartment complex and threaten to evict him. Pac-Man is powerless to stop the ghosts, so he gets chased from his home and ends up chomping up marbles on the street. Eventually, he starts having seizures due to pellet withdrawal and ends up in rehab. He's cured and released, but ends up overdosing on power pellets, bursting into the landlord's office, and eating all the ghosts to death. Then Pac-Man goes on trial for murder and it's really dramatic.
Hollywood will no doubt steal my brilliant story idea. Just you wait.
5. Yo Bro (TurboGrafx-16) \ Wally Bear and the NO! Gang (NES)
Let's go through the "cool dude" checklist: Backwards hat? Slingshot? Spiky hair? Neon clothing? Skateboard? Rebelious sneer? Yup, yup, yup, yup, yup, and yup. NOW THAT'S RADICAL IN A GNARLY WAY, DUDE!
Wally Bear and the NO! Gang is basically the exact same game apparently, except Wally wears sunglasses and doesn't have a slingshot. They both fight evil rats. Hopefully they were both eaten by evil rats. Or at least arrested by the Fashion Police.