Warn every teen you can! They'll regret that tattoo... just like me: Our writer wishes she had never been inked

Imogen got three tattoos in the Eighties
They were meant to be an act of anarchy
But today, thanks to celebs, tattoos are not unique
She regrets having them now she's in her forties
Even her daughter thinks they are 'rubbish'

PUBLISHED: 16:02 EST, 26 June 2013 | UPDATED: 16:04 EST, 26 June 2013

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Regrets? I have a few. Well, three to be precise. They are shaped like a swallow, a butterfly and the most appalling daisy that grows, like a meandering weed, from the gap between the last two stubby little toes on my right foot.

It is not the best look for a fortysomething mother of two. I don’t really know what I was thinking. But about 25 years ago I went through my ‘tattoo phase’.

The swallow came first. I remember traipsing the streets of Bristol, while I was at university, trying to find a small, grubby parlour where a bloke with more tattoos than teeth scribbled something vaguely avian on my ankle.

Warning: Imogen regrets the tattoos she got in her youth

Faded: She's now embarassed of her swallow and 'appalling' daisy designs

I am not even sure why I chose a swallow. I’m sure it had tremendous significance at the time. Or perhaps I thought it looked pretty. All I remember is that this, like drinking lots of cider and flunking my first-year exams, was an act of rebellion. And it was as achingly cool as it was painful.

‘I thought you were going to go through the roof there,’ said the ‘artist’, putting down his inky needle to admire his work. I left the place high as kite on endorphins.

My mother was appalled. ‘With ankles as fat as yours, darling, why highlight them with a tattoo?’ she asked. Yet I needed more!

Back then, in the late Eighties, only the really ‘out there’ had the guts to get a daisy on their foot, a dolphin on their heel or a fluoro butterfly on their hip that changed colour under the UV lighting at raves.

At least, it did. Change colour that is. For what no one tells you about tattoos is that no matter how beautiful they look when first done, they fade and shift over time.

Not so unique: She also has a butterfly on her bikini line but her attempt to be different has failed since many people today have tattoos

So the pretty pink flower you had when you were prancing on a podium at Pacha nightclub aged 20, or that fabulous tiger you had done in Thailand, will turn into a dull sailor-blue smudge by the time it has been rubbed in office shoes for a decade, or stretched to Calais and back by pregnancy.

When you become a not-so-yummy mummy on the school run, the presence of tattoos becomes quite mortifying.

What I also didn’t realise was how banal my poncy, posed, anarchic statement would become. It seems that every fortysomething who fancied themself a little racy, who did a spot of raving or holidayed in Ibiza in 1989, has a symbolic souvenir on their body. Half the country’s middle management has a flower on their thigh or a musical note on their wrist.

These days, tattoos are as ubiquitous as Primark. Any girl worth her lobster tan and tongue stud is covered in doodles and motifs.

And who is to blame for this? Today’s mindless, self-obsessed, misguided celebrities. There’s not a pop, rock or reality TV star who hasn’t been ‘inked’. And the more famous they get, the more tattoos they acquire. Robbie Williams, David Beckham, Russell Brand, Johnny Depp and Colin Farrell are perhaps the most obvious examples of ‘super-inking’.

Not so yummy-mummy: Imogen hates her tattoos on show on the school run

Taking this dubious trend to its limits is everyone’s favourite bit of cougar-bait, One Direction star Harry Styles, who seems intent on entirely colouring himself in.

The ladies are not immune, either. Angelina Jolie is an Ordnance Survey map of international adoption, Kelly Osbourne is a sticker book and Cheryl Cole’s tattoos look like a Moss Side bus shelter. Even It Girl, Cara Delevingne, has inked a lion’s head on her finger.

I, too, thought my tattoos were the height of artistic expression. Now, whenever I’m trying to be glamorous or sophisticated, they rear their smudgy heads.

It’s the pitying look on the shop assistant’s face as she spots my poorly drawn daisy poke out from the overpriced mule I’m trying to squeeze my foot into.

Bad influence: Robbie Williams, left, and David Beckham are covered in tattoos

Inked: Cheryl Cole revealed her new rose tattoo when she performed with Girls Aloud earlier this year

On holiday my tattoos are equally irritating. My no-longer-neon butterfly slips out of the side of my bikini, looking like an odd-shaped bruise on my right hip. The stamps on my feet, long since turned a mouldy green, go crusty and flaky and dry. And there is always a point, just as I’m about to relax on a lounger, when some bright spark pipes up: ‘What’s the hell’s that on your ankle? Have you had some sort of terrible accident?’

To which my eight-year-old daughter will pipe up: ‘It’s one of Mummy’s rubbish tattoos.’

And she’s not wrong. They are rubbish. I have considered getting rid of them but it seems you have to go through a painful palaver only to be left with an equally ugly scar.

If only I could have predicted the future when I sat there, burning with rebellion, in that Bristol tattoo parlour. If I’d only known how boring and commonplace my ‘revolutionary’ fashion statement would turn out to be. They are everywhere, from the Prime Minister’s wife to everyone who has ever auditioned for The X Factor.

Works of art? Angelina Jolie, left, has a number of tattoos while model of the moment Cara Delevingne has one on her finger

So if, like Becks, you are tempted by a Latin verse; or, like Peaches Geldof, you fancy inking the names of former lovers up your forearms, my advice would be: don’t.

I promise you. You may not regret it in the morning but in 20 years’ time, when these follies of youth are still mocking you from your middle-aged folds and wrinkles, you will fervently wish you could turn back the clock.

Restaurant Babylon by Imogen Edwards-Jones and Anonymous is published by Bantam Press on July 18 (£12.99)

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I've been a navy wife for over 20 years and I have stopped counting how many military wives I have met that have tattoos. I have only met a few wives over 40 that have admitted to me that they regret the tattoos. I never understood the whole reasoning behind getting tattoos. Back in the 70's and early 80's I associated tattoos with unsanitary conditions and unsavory characters. It's different now. However, tattoos like Cheryl Cole's make me cringe. What was she thinking?

- Gigi1123 , San Diego, United States, 27/6/2013 02:05

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While I am very opposed to the idea of teenagers getting tattoos I have no objection with adults getting them, being 25 myself I will being getting a sleeve done soon as being a web designer agencies tend to be more casual as opposed to formal such as the ones in Brighton or East London or New York and San Francisco. The issue here is the purpose behind getting the tattoo, if you are getting a generic meaningless tattoo on the whim purely on the basis of wanting to rebel against society then it is the individuals own fault. Tattoos originated from Maori tradition that considered the body as a canvas to tell a story, by flicking through a tattoo book and picking out a generic tattoo is not how tattoos are meant to be done! This article isn't very balanced because it should have ended with the fact that the tattoo industry has changed dramatically within the last 25 years and that inks are more sophisticated now and last longer, also what was stopping her from doing a touch up?

- Barry1987 , London, United Kingdom, 27/6/2013 01:53

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It's so funny seeing these frumpy looking housewives with their mom jeans with an ankle tattoo; the tattoo is not helping them look any more fashionable or attractive; and its always a flower a butterfly. Couldn't they at least try to be more original than that?

- CGC , Belleville-Illinois, 27/6/2013 01:46

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I have two tattoos...one I got almost 20 years ago and don't regret. One I got 10 years ago and that im not super fond of anymore. However it represents something about me and I wouldn't have it removed. It reminds me of that time/place. I want to get one for every decade of my life. Something that reminds me of that time. None of mine can be shown when wearing regular clothes but I don't care what other people think of me anymore so this article makes the author seem very insecure.

- stella , phila pa, 27/6/2013 01:45

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If you get a tattoo purely out of rebellion then you deserve to regret it. If you get a tattoo with meaning then it's highly unlikely you will regret them. So thanks for the advice but, no thanks. Telling people that they will regret a tattoo just because you do is pure ignorance

- BriAstronaut , Brisbane, Australia, 27/6/2013 01:43

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1. Why doesn't she get them removed 2. If not removed why doesn't she get them altered if not removed to something of significance now (there are some amazing talented ppl out there 3. Tattoos require touch ups, she clearly has not been looking after them. 4. She has fat ankles...are you joking? Her mum would disapprove of mine, and I am not overweight, just cankly. I have no tattoos, I can't decide what to have for lunch let alone chose something that I would be happy with in a few years time. I don't mind them on other people, if they chose carefully.

- snowmail , Whistler, Canada, 27/6/2013 01:42

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I have no tattoos, for the record - but think that you should keep your personal regrets to yourself. As you correctly write, tattoos do fade of not protected from UV - so don't leave an unloved relic - get it over-inked with something that you do like. And B.T.W. removal of tattoos like yours will leave no scar - nature has done 90% of the work for you. So, please, either get yours removed, grow up and realise that your past has made you what you are and cerebrate that, get it over inked with something less 'rubbish' or just please just shut up and keep your opinions to yourself . Also - look back in the mirror - would someone saying what you are currently saying have changed your mind when you had your tattoos done? No, of course not. So why do you think that anyone will listen to you? I doubt that they will and also hope that they don't.

- mopr , Cambridge, 27/6/2013 01:39

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I don't have any tattoos, nor do I desire to have them. Normal skin(non tattooed) will never go out of style.

- Tanya , Clementsvale, 27/6/2013 01:37

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I designed my own tattoo and waited two years to get it. It's now two years later and I still love it. I got it by a reputable shop and amazing artist. Don't lecture someone because you went to a scratcher and got cheap and tawdry run of the mill designs.

- CM , Boston, United States, 27/6/2013 01:33

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What a stupid artical. 'You'll regret it when your old', well not everyone is lucky enough to grow old so enjoy your life while you have it. If I am lucky enough to grow old my tattoos will be part of the story of me. All of mine I have designed myself and I love them.

- Belle , Aust, 27/6/2013 01:32

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