Fark Ready Headline: Possibly rabid raccoon bites NYC hipster mid-Instagram
No one knows exactly what this weird black line is stretching across a beautiful Florida summer sky for
Henry Ford, Thomas Edison and Harvey Firestone take the ultimate road trip back in 1918
As a father, how heartbreaking can it be not to be able to hold your newborn son because you are too radioactive as a result of your thyroid cancer treatment
This just in: where you attend college actually matters, despite what University of Phoenix and other for-profit schools claim
So your officer can go to a bar, get drunk, wave his service weapon in someone's face, get filmed doing all of it, and you STILL won't fire him? Way to bring down the hammer, Captain McSofty
Let's fill a room with designer clothes and tell 100 people that anything they can grab is theirs to keep
A two-year-old boy wears a pink headband in Wal-Mart. No big deal, right? Well, it was to the man who pulled it off his head, hit him, and then told his mother that he's a f*cking f*ggot
Smoking hot teacher, yada yada, you know the drill
Photoshop this astronaut in training
"7 Things Edward Snowden Should Do in Russia". Strangely, "hide" is missing from the list
"...investigators had to wait more than an hour to begin examining the scene because several Chihuahuas threatened emergency workers as they checked to see if the victims had a pulse." And that's AFTER things had already gotten weird
Anthony Weiner in trouble after texting. Fark: Not that one
Baboons spooked for days after spotting a UFO at a Dutch zoo
Arrested last week after allegedly having sex with a dog, a registered sex offender was arrested this week after allegedly having sex with a dog
Put down the patty, stop chewing that chop, quit searing that steak. You all eat too much meat
Study shows that , shockingly, people who are willing to leave everything they know and risk everything they have to come to America in search of a better life aren't real deterred by a couple of feet of chain-link fence when they get there
Hungover man wakes up without his penis. Difficulty: He already checked in the medicine cabinet
(Twitter)
Photoshop this Beatles pic, which turns exactly 50 years old this week
Clients drop $180 for bird poop facials at NYC spa. GuaNOPE
You paid attention this week. You studied and memorized. And yet here's the Fark Weird News Quiz and suddenly, you forget everything
(Some Squarebob)
Once again, a Farker is riding his bike for an MS cure. It's not the seven-year itch, it's just a rash from those shorts
Finally, a Paris with no Parisians
Smartass Level: Expert
Sometimes the cure is just as bad as the problem. Like when you have to wear a metal colander on your head to protect yourself from seagull attacks
What's the latest household item that spies on you? Your phone charger
3-D printing...a 1961 Aston Martin DB4
French anti-gay group shows their opposition to same-sex marriage by posting a picture of a bunch of buff, shirtless guys in short shorts straddling a giant pole. Fellas, there just aren't words for how wrong you're doing it
If your teacher spends his summers robbing gas stations and 7-11s, how many should he rob at $240 per robbery to supplement his pension at age 57, based on a $76,000 salary and a five-year prison term?
It's just like an iPhone, but has a better navigation app
"And avoid I-5 this evening, as we have a report of an organ meat spill"
There are police informants, then there are *police* informants
FBI dashes jurors' hopes of making $821,800 off the Whitey Bulger case
It is now safe to Google "pressure cooker" and "backpack" again. *freedom tear*
Apologies to all you MENSA members out there, and I'm sure you're wonderful people, but here's the truth: In the real world, as in blackjack, it's much better to simply not be stupid than it is to be smart
The Mexican version of Chuck Norris is back and this time he's taking on Mad Max
Oh, nothing... just a giant pentagram, visible from space, carved into the windblown steppes of Kazakhstan
Sorry George Jetson, your car ain't got nothing on this flying beauty
A day after the DOW and S&P 500 reached new highs, the unemployment rate fell to 7.4% and the economy added 162K jobs. I should have voted for Romney
Nine children injured in one-vehicle clown car accident
No exact change for your bus fare? You and your toddler are walking home in the dark. Oh, and here's a $219 ticket
So you bill your customers $1.5 billion to build a power plant. Then don't build it. State law says you can keep the money. Duke sucks
After his conviction on tax evasion, Silvio Berlesconi rails in anger against magistrates he sees as "irresponsible and uncontrollable." Let's hit the high notes of that again. Berlesconi. Anger against. Irresponsible and uncontrollable magistrates
Remember that college professor you had who always looked like someone who'd kill his whole family? Well, about that
Candygram
Would you contribute to a campaign to raise awareness of testicular cancer? No? Well, what if I told you that your contribution would go toward making a gigantic flying scrotum that could be seen for miles?
Tired of cameras watching your every move? Use this handy guide to make your own, convenient anti-surveillance spray
Good news, Virginia parents. Your daughters' lingerie is covered under the back-to-school tax holiday, so her popularity won't have to suffer at all
"Biatch set me up"
Power company furious that UFO is stealing electricity from the grid, sends letter
Seattle Officials have decided that the words "citizen" and "brown bag" are now offensive language. Dumbass is safe and never goes out of style
Checkmate Atheists
"There is no NSA data center here"
Photoshop this beckoning beverage
Is there anything more terrifying than having a 35-pound she-beaver that's attacking your dog suddenly become aware of your presence just as you trip?
U.S. to close and suspend operations at 14 or more embassies on Sunday "out of an abundance of" panic
Not only can you watch TVs from South Korea, but TVs from South Korea can watch you. And they have
Potential father-of-the-year candidate busted for trying to sell stolen diapers, baby wipes, and tequila in order to get enough money to buy some crack
Are you feeling run down, groggy and just generally fatigued? Amazing research by our top scientists reveals miracle cure: Take a farking vacation
"I want to say one thing to the American people. I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Cretu"
It turns out hipsters have been farming gardens on the rooftops of New York hotels since 1904
Cops would like to ask an eight year-old how he got into a working washing machine, but have to wait because he's a little agitated
One lucky kid: Boy survives terrible 300-yard drainpipe "waterslide"
Did your wedding cake come with chocolate sprinkles you didn't ask for? Well, this may be relevant to your interests
Move over, Dippin' Dots: It's five new ice creams...OF THE FUTURE
Angry at being ordered to return an insurance payout? Pay it back in quarters. Four TONS' worth of quarters
Trapped Chilean miners chance at justice buried as prosecutor refuses to file charges against mine owners
University of Nebraska Medical Center study shows underage drinking has steadily increased in Nebraska because there's nothing else for kids to do in Nebraska but get drunk, tip over cows, and have sex
Atheist demands Christians bang on his door and ask if he knows Jesus as his personal Lord and Savior
Regular diarrhea is soooo played out
As temperatures flare, so do tempers. Because science
