Why DO so many celebrities put up with bad boys? Any woman with a hint of intelligence and self-esteem knows nice guys are best

UK's leading sexpert Tracey Cox says the allure of bad boys is misguided
Says women have been 'brainwashed' and nice doesn't equal boring
Why would an adult woman want the reality of dating man who’s never on time (if he bothers turning up at all)
Psychologists have revealed that the 'nice' quality can be measured

PUBLISHED: 06:33 EST, 14 August 2013 | UPDATED: 06:55 EST, 14 August 2013

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In an age where women are liberated, have choices and careers and (better) economic equality, why are we still putting up with men behaving badly?

What’s with Kim Kardashian putting up with new dad Kanye’s blatant unavailability - both emotional and physical - when he should be beaming by her side, being proud and protective.

Rihanna giving Chris Brown a zillion second chances when she has visual evidence - her smashed up face - of what ‘love’ means to him.

What's with Kim Kardashian putting up with new Dad Kanye's blatant unavailability?

Simon Cowell’s mini-tribe of exes all sobbing that they should have been the one to father his love child. Why exactly? Yes, I get the yacht/jet/diamond appeal but seriously, who really wants to spend their life with a man who collects their exes rather than puts them in the past, where exes are supposed to be.

Why is Cara Delevingne sniffing around Kate Moss’s ex Pete Doherty? What am I missing?

Yes, we should all be entitled to make and learn from our mistakes but what message is this sending teenage girls, who we know are obsessed with celebrity?

Simon Cowell's mini-tribe of exes all sobbing that they should have been the one to father his love child. Why exactly?

What’s wrong with going for the nice guy?

Women have always been brainwashed into the appeal of the ‘bad boy’.

The drama of it all is seen as exciting. There’s the ‘hot’ make-up sex after the fights; the heady rebellion of going for someone who only thinks about now, doesn’t care about the future.

When you’re 18 and tentatively exploring life and sex and relationships, this can be appealing.

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But as an adult, who can be bothered with the reality of dating a guy who’s never on time (if he bothers turning up at all), who has no money, drug or alcohol problems, an inability to plan ahead, an allergic reaction to a mere whiff of commitment, no real goals or ambition and loathes your friends and family (but not half as much as they loathe him).

My definition of a bad guy is this: it’s someone who doesn’t treat you nicely.

The stereotype that nice equals weak is false. Studies show nice people are not necessarily less assertive or competitive than ‘difficult’ people.

Tracey says women have been 'brainwashed' and nice doesn't equal boring

Tracey says women have been 'brainwashed' into liking bad boys and that nice doesn't equal boring

‘Nice is boring’ also doesn’t stand up to scrutiny.

Unless ‘boring’ means calling when they’re supposed to and being where they’re supposed to be, with the person they’re supposed to be with.

‘Nice is average looking’ is shot to smithereens by Jon Hamm topping Sexiest Man Alive polls worldwide and also being a nice guy.

‘Nice’ isn’t just an throwaway word by the way: it’s measurable.

Psychologists define nice people as those who score high on a personality trait called agreeableness.

If you’re nice, your over-riding concern is having happy, positive relationships with other people.

You like harmony and you don’t like upsetting people.

Nice people are generous, trustworthy, reliable and considerate.

They don’t play games because they don’t like to make other people feel uncomfortable.

The ability to be able to ‘put yourself in someone else’s shoes’ or ‘see how your partner sees’ is a hugely positive factor in relationships. This is the automatic default for the average nice guy.

Studies show agreeable people also stay married longer, are more intimate in their marriages, have better relationships with their kids and - not surprisingly - are more satisfied with their lives overall.

Case closed for any female who has even a hint of intelligence and high self-esteem.

Visit Tracey's website and MailOnline blog for relationship and sex advice and follow Tracey on Twitter.

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Women like bad boys because it gives them an adrenalin rush, which they confuse with 'love'.

- longbranch262 , Derby, 15/8/2013 08:25

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Most of the (self-appointed) "nice guys" I know are busy complaining constantly about the cheerleaders that won't give them a second look. Pot, kettle.

- Rschr , CA- USA, 15/8/2013 06:52

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in Kim Kardashians case I believe she married her equal in being a phoney, egotistical and irrelevant - boo boo , gaga, 15/8/2013 01:52 Nah, I do not think that Chris Humprey is so bad :-) (Kim did not marry Kanye yet)

- eva , at home, 15/8/2013 06:34

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Define your meaning of a "bad boy."

- FYGB , Liverpool, 15/8/2013 05:43

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Because they, themselves, have no character.

- Chester , Phoenix, United States, 15/8/2013 04:55

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Would a "nice guy" date some of these celebs? KK was not the best choice for a "poster girl." She has is a divorcee, has a sex video where (I understand) a man PEED on her, and she has some sort of skin disorder. I wouldn't let MY son date, sex up or god forbid marry her. OK...ya gotta be a "nice girl" to get a "nice guy."

- FooFoo , APrivatePlace, Qatar, 15/8/2013 02:17

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in Kim Kardashians case I believe she married her equal in being a phoney, egotistical and irrelevant

- boo boo , gaga, 15/8/2013 01:52

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@ Unflushable 23:28...you must be bitter! I apologize on behalf of all horrible women ...on another note lol this was so funny "Why is Cara Delevingne sniffing around Kate Moss¿s ex Pete Doherty?" ...thank you I got mental image of a dog sniffing another's dog stuff, if ya know what I mean lol.

- Daliah , DFW, 15/8/2013 00:37

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Because there is a misconception -by naive or inexperienced women- that bad boys are interesting. They aren't , they are dysfunctional , insecure boys. Stay away.

- D.I , Aberdeen, Sweden, 15/8/2013 00:18

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I prefer good men and have always done so and am married to a good man but my first husband I married when very young because he was a Mormon and didn't smoke or drink and supposedly was a straight shooter but soon found out he was a deceiver and lived a double life and that his family were very dysfunctional but hiding behind the perfect façade of Mormonism. So watch out girls for the Travis Alexanders of the world so that you do not end up like Jodi Arias.

- sharon sullivan , St George, United States, 14/8/2013 23:38

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