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Thank you, Congressman Akin

It's been nearly three years since our last post.  The Republican party hasn't been showing us much love.  Sure, they've been threatening to do away with the Violence Against Women Act.  And of course, they've been hard at work requiring rapes for abortion seekers.  What have they have been doing for us, the die-hard rape enthusiasts?

Todd Akin knows what I'm talking about.  He's a rape connoisseur, just like us.  Barack Obama has a palate so unrefined that he thinks "rape is rape."  Todd knows better than that.

See, Todd knows that some rape is legitimate, and some rape isn't.

If you try to have sex with a woman, and she says no, and you do it anyway, now that's a legitimate rape.

If you try to have sex with a woman, she says no, you continue your attempt, and she says yes before penetration occurs, then the rape is basically ruined.  Not a legitimate rape!

If you and a woman arrange for a little consensual rape play, I gotta tell you, that ain't rape.  That's poser rape, completely illegitimate.

Todd knows that some rape is forcible, and some isn't.  Forcible rape often has bloody finish, as well as a nose that is frequently broken.  If you're worried that the strong taste of forcible rape might overpower everything else you have planned, you may want to pair your evening with another rape variety.  Statutory rape is light-bodied, though it can be very hard to find a decent vintage.  Consult a rape sommelier if you're have trouble making a selection.

I want to thank you, Congressman Akin.  If not for you, I might have stayed home in November.  Now I'm legitimately excited about the Republican Party again!

P.S. Akin may be one of us, but he's not keen on biology.  Remember to protect yourself from unwanted rape babies, everyone!

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Reader Comments (3)

Wow, I'm so glad you guys and gals are back! I never realized how much I missed Republican rape until now.

It is SO exciting to have such a strong rape advocate like Paul Ryan as the GOP candidate for Vice President. I mean, his policies practically exude pro-rape. He and his good buddy Todd "Legitimate Rape" Akin were a tag team, co-sponsoring H.R. 3. This is the fantastic bill that would deny abortions to women who are rape victims, except in cases of "forcible" rape.

Because, hey, if you don't fight back, potentially endangering your life, then OF COURSE you wanted it. Yay, Republicans!

Looking forward to voting for Romney, Ryan and Rape in November!

August 22, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStonyB

It's thrilling to hear a strong pro-rape voice again amid all of the PC Fascist whining that dominates the MSM. I strongly support Congressman Todd Akin, and I hope that after he's elected he will introduce legislation that will make it much more difficult for these Rape Queens to PROVE that their so-called rapes were legitimate. They should have to pay a large fee to file any kind of rape charge, and if they are unable to provide strong evidence and multiple witnesses that their claims are legitimate, they should have to pay large fines for wasting the Government's time. Dare I hope - can we please institute caning in this country? These whining sluts deserve it.

Remember:The "Rape Victim" fetish was invented in the Communist-Liberal enclaves of Leftist Universities. Before the 60s, women knew their places and didn't air their dirty laundry in public. But now Feminazis [who would want to rape a lesbian anyway?] are running everything, and it's time to take our country back!

Thank you for your important work here, in drawing the line and asserting the Republican stance of putting these Liberal Rape / Welfare Queens in their places.

Romney / Ryan 2012

August 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArchibald Coulter

So glad to hear that forcible rape is also a great option for couples who have forgotten to bring appropriate birth control along. Don't want her to get pregnant, guys? Pin your partner down and sodomize her before you're done in the bedroom! She may scream at the time but she'll be weeping with relief when her period comes.

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSara

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