The REAL reason grown women like me won't leave home. And parents beware: it will make your blood boil

  • Siam is 30-years-old, but she and her sisters still live with her parents
  • She's a freelance writer so it doesn't make financial sense to live elsewhere
  • But Siam doesn't mind - she's living in the lap of luxury!
  • And she's not alone: almost 3 million 20-34-year-olds live with their parents

By Siam Goorwich

PUBLISHED: 16:38 EST, 9 October 2013 | UPDATED: 12:53 EST, 10 October 2013

Lap of luxury: Siam Goorwich is 30-years-old and still living at home

Lap of luxury: Siam Goorwich is 30-years-old and still living at home

My name is called and I make my way to the dining room.

As I've requested, there are sweet potatoes to accompany the chicken - breast meat only.

Even better, there's apple crumble - just this side of tart with a hint of cinnamon, and a choice of custard or creme fraiche.

No, I'm not in a country house hotel. I'm at home with my doting parents, and home-made meals like this come as part of my all-inclusive package.

When I tell people I'm a 30-year-old woman who still lives at home, they pity me.

They tut-tut about rising house prices and I nod in agreement, explaining that my meagre earnings as a freelance makes leaving home any time soon a financial impossibility.

I am part of a generation who can't get well-paid jobs, can't afford houses and as a result can't even leave home.

But it's a little more complicated than that. The truth is that living in the comfortable luxury of my family home, a warm, cheerfully decorated, four-bedroom, semi-detached house in North London - a property way beyond my means as a single woman - means that I have no impetus to leave.

Why should I? Where could I live this well, with three meals a day, a laundry service, full use of the garden and all utilities - all completely free? Where is the incentive to strike out on my own?

I know my friends feel the same.

No wonder a survey by Saga magazine revealed that there are nearly three million 20 to 34-year-olds living with their parents.

 

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We are known as the boomerangers - the generation who have come back to live off the wealth created by our baby boomer parents, now in their 60s.

I admit I do get the odd stab of shame when I think that my parents had left home by my age.

Like most people of their generation, it was unthinkable that they would still be living with their parents in their 30s. Traditionally, you lived at home until you married, at which point you set up home with your spouse.

When most people married in their early 20s, that made perfect sense. But times have changed.
In Europe, it's normal to remain in your childhood homes into your adult years, and sometimes even after marriage. It's now happening in Britain.

Boomerang: Siam returned home because, as a freelancer, it didn't make financial sense for her to live independently

Boomerang: Siam returned home because, as a freelancer, it didn't make financial sense for her to live independently

While sociologists warn of the creation of a stunted generation unprepared for the responsibilities of adult life, I don't see it that way.

Why should I leave a home I'm happy in just to conform to social norms, when my parents are still happy for me to live here? In fact, my younger sisters, who are in their 20s, still live at home, too.

Furthermore, I know the dire nature of the alternative. In a foolish bid for independence, I moved out of home for a year in my mid-20s, renting a room in a shared house in East London with five other young people. I hated it.

The kitchen sink was permanently over-flowing with dirty crockery (yes, some of it was mine) and the house was freezing because we couldn't afford to heat it. After a year, I'd had quite enough of having to queue for my morning shower as if I was at a campsite.

From the cheap furniture to the bland decor, living in rented accommodation was absolute misery. Then there were my housemates. While two are still friends, if I never see the others again it will be a blessing.

When my contract was up, I happily moved back home. Months later I was still furious with myself for spending £600 a month to live in a dirty house with people I couldn't stand.

Of course, there are times when my parents, sisters and I fall out, but because we love each other, things blow over quickly.


 

'In fact, like me, most of my friends are still living with their parents. Not only does it make  financial sense, but we recognise we'd be stupid to suffer in discomfort and penury just to prove a point.'


Occasionally, other people will make snide comments about my 'poor parents' and muse on how desperate they must be for me to flee the nest, but this couldn't be further from the truth.

My parents have worked hard to build a comfortable family home and are only too pleased that I still want to live in it.

When I moved out in my 20s, Mum was indignant; she took it as a personal insult that I wanted to leave her lovely home and castigated me for frittering away my hard-earned money on paying a greedy landlord's mortgage.

Now I'm back home, some other people assume my living situation would make me a social pariah among my peers.

In fact, like me, most of my friends are still living with their parents.

Not only does it make  financial sense, but we recognise we'd be stupid to suffer in discomfort and penury just to prove a point.

Other friends say they would still be at home given the chance. Even the ones who wear their domestic independence like a badge of honour run home to mummy and daddy at the first sign of a cold or after a break-up.

The truth is nothing will ever be as comforting as a home-cooked meal followed by a TV marathon on your parents' sofa, no matter how old you are.

The fridge is always well-stocked  and we never run out of milk or toilet roll - which can't be said about the homes of friends who live by themselves.

But not everyone agrees that my set-up is a lifestyle nirvana. I've been accused of holding myself back and missing out on the freedom of being young and single.

And while I admit that living at home means you can't invite a long line of boyfriends back to stay or host wild parties, I can live with that. If I want to sit up drinking all night, I can do it at the home of one of my friends who rents.

Enduring love: Siam pictured with her doting family

Enduring love: Siam pictured with her doting family

Best of all, after a weekend of partying, I can always return to a warm, clean house. It really is the best of both worlds.

Meanwhile, I'm not expected to contribute to the running of the house, financially or otherwise.

While my dad, who owns a shop, works six days a week to pay the bills, my stay-at-home mum spends her days cleaning, washing and tidying up my mess.

Yes, I may have to sleep in a single bed, but I never have to wash the sheets myself.

That said, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't conscious that I'm not pulling my weight.

For my part, I live by my parents' rules, work hard and try to make them proud. I'm also an enthusiastic cook and make a family meal at least once a week.

It's not much, but it's heartfelt on my part and appreciated by them.

It's not always plain sailing, though. On occasion, my parents have rebelled. More than once Mum has thrown in the tea towel, and the pair of them have demanded that my sisters and I do more to help out.

In fact, a note outlining our household responsibilities - including putting dirty crockery straight in the dishwasher and keeping our rooms tidy - is stuck on the fridge door as testament to one such row. 

But actually, nothing really changes. After years of living together, we're stuck in our ways, regardless of the rights or wrongs.

Spoilt? Quite possibly.

Cosseted from the harsh realities of the world? Almost certainly.

Living in a state of suspended adolescence?

All of these things may be true. And I'd ponder them deeply, honestly I would. But right now Mum is calling me down for dinner.

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Her father works six days a week and this spoiled child doesn't pay anything for her extended childhood stay? She takes advantage of them. She doesn't help with the household chores. She's a sloth with only a free lance job when she could be helping her dad with his business. She uses people and is selfish. Her parents expect too little of her and need to make her accept responsibility.

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What a smug, uncaring, disrespectful cow you are.

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If everybody is happy I don't see a problem. I do think she should participate a bit more tho, financially, and do her own laundry at least, and help clean the house etc, it would just be fair.

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Yet another example of generation S - the selfish generation. I'd have absolutely no problem with anything you said if you actually paid some of the expenses and weren't so smug about making quite specific meal requests. In fact I see no difference between people who live with their parents for free and those who live separately but dump their washing and kids on them all the time. Amazing how selfish people can be and at the same time be so oblivious to it.

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I'm 20 I work and study. My lovely mum has allowed me to live under her roof while I saved as much as I possibly could. I've now got a mortgage on a beautiful 2 bedroom apartment by the sea. I'm so grateful and love her for her patience and she's proud of me. Nothing wrong with living at home.. But not if there is no future goal.

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I can't see anything wrong with it if you pay your parents towards household bills. The only thing is that as they get older you will become their carers & not have a life of your own, you will also suffer a terrible loss when they die, more so than if you lived away.

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I think it is perfectly OK for young adults to live with their extended family. Although a little gratitude in the form of household upkeep seems to be in order in this case. After marriage and babies there is no better babysitter than grandma and grandpa. The depth of knowledge and love that extended families provide is so much better than paying for a stranger to care for the kids.

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It's not her extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents) ¿ it's her mum and dad!

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Living with your parents, Why not !, Participating in the Household should be an obligation! -one way or aother. One of my best friends is still living with mummy _ he's 65 - however he has never been able to keep a companion -Since his fathers' death he has had to be the pillar. He has missed out on being a father!! and when his mother leaves this life he'll be alone, but this has been his choice -food and laundery - bed and board! - at what cost!! GOOD LUCK TO HER !!!!

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Why does the mother do her laundry and clean up after her? I was responsible for doing my own by the time I was in the 5th grade. I also washed all the sheets and towels in the house at that age.

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Lazy and completely lacking in drive and motivation. I am 31 and own a detached house and rent a terraced out yet am supposedly part of her generation that can't get on the property ladder or make something of themselves.

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