God Reveals He Occasionally Eats Humans

THE HEAVENS—Speaking candidly during a rare interview this Thursday, God Almighty, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, revealed to the public that He occasionally eats ...

Anonymous Source Tells Reporters That He’s Tired Of Being Speaker Of The House

A blood-soaked mayor Bloomberg announces that homelessness is no longer a problem in New York City, Guinness World Records promotes the man who can lift ...

HBO Announces ‘Game Of Thrones’ Not Coming Back This Weekend

NEW YORK—Addressing the show’s legions of passionate fans, HBO executives officially announced Friday that the hit series Game Of Thrones will not be ...

Republicans Give In Right Before Obamacare Would Have Been Repealed

WASHINGTON—After Republican lawmakers reached a last-minute agreement Wednesday night to end the government shutdown and raise the debt ceiling, sources confirmed today that the ...

Child Sees No Reason Why Iron Man Costume Can't Be Worn To Grandfather’s Funeral

SAUGUS, MA—Arguing that he had been allowed to wear it in the past, local youth Andrew Robillard protested a parental edict barring his Iron ...

Nude Biden Wakes Up On Cold Slab In D.C. Morgue

WASHINGTON—Disoriented and “freezing his goddamn nuts off,” a naked Vice President Joe Biden reportedly awoke Thursday morning on an autopsy table in the Office ...