LORRAINE CANDY: I took my two-year-old to a posh restaurant. So why all the dirty looks?

By Lorraine Candy

PUBLISHED: 17:15 EST, 13 November 2013 | UPDATED: 17:54 EST, 13 November 2013

Would you take your two-year-old to a posh restaurant for lunch? A place with crisp white linen tablecloths, where the waiter calls you by the name you booked under and spaghetti bolognese is not on the menu?

We did. But we won't again. Not because it was a waste of money or a troublesome experience. Not because we didn't like the food - quite the contrary.

Good manners: Lorraine's children were so well-behaved even the waiter commented on it

Good manners: Lorraine's children were so well-behaved even the waiter commented on it

The food was amazing, the service impeccable and it was worth every penny. We treated our four children on the last day of our half-term holiday in Cornwall. 

When we booked we told the staff we'd be bringing youngsters. 'We don't serve children after 7pm,' they said, 'out of respect for other diners, but we love to feed them lunch.' My little ones, aged two, seven, nine and 11, were on their best behaviour. Gracie brushed her hair without being asked and my son wore his 'handsome shirt' as he calls it.

 

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We were seated at a table overlooking the sea. As my older offspring quietly studied the menu there was a rare moment of grown-up peace, a further step down the road to their adulthood.

I am of the opinion that if one of my children becomes prime minister one day (don't laugh) or wants to go on MasterChef, they'll need to know the kind of table manners a restaurant like this would expect. I believe it's worth spending on experience (not stuff) and we try to help our children experience a little more than we did ourselves as youngsters.

Intolerance: A couple nearby disapproved of Lorraine bringing her young family to the posh restaurant

Intolerance: A couple nearby disapproved of Lorraine bringing her young family to the posh restaurant

Usually we have fish and chips (or pasties) sitting on the wall overlooking the beach, so they knew it was special to eat holiday food while not covered in sand and surrounded by seagulls. However, the reason we won't be doing it again is down to the couple who sat next to us, who were more annoying than the gulls.

The glowering started as soon as we took our seats. I'm sensitive to this kind of intolerance. I've been made to feel like a parental pariah in many eateries. Sometimes the childless and the 'child-free at last' are shockingly impolite.

I remember once having to sit in a winter wind outside a Starbucks to breastfeed my newborn because an elderly American lady inside was so vocal about how 'disgusting' it was seeing a woman feed in public.

 
   

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I was breastfeeding very discreetly as we waited for the doctor to open for an emergency appointment and this woman's rudeness felt particularly cruel when a little kindness would have softened a harsh day.

Anyway, as we waited for pudding in the four-star Cornish dining room, the woman next to us said very loudly to her husband: 'How ignorant to bring such a young family to a restaurant like this.'

She was speaking just loudly enough for me to hear her critical words but not addressing me specifically. There were two other families in the dining room with children. One was three years old - I know this because as she ran to the loo she said: 'I am three, I can go alone.'

At this point, my husband took Mabel for a walk until the ice cream appeared as she was singing (quietly).

The woman's disapproval spoilt the meal. I didn't want my children to witness the grumbling in case they thought it was an acceptable way to behave in public.

Everyone has the right to a quiet  meal when paying for posh food. But my children were well behaved (the waiter commented on it), so I couldn't fathom the disapproval.

On the train to Cornwall, I'd encountered similar criticism. A passenger told her boyfriend loudly on the phone she had had to sit 'with an annoying toddler'.

Some children can be badly behaved, I know, and I am not one of those mums who believes everything my little ones do is adorable, but am I wrong to expect a little kindness?

I didn't want to listen to the woman's lengthy debate about what she was having for tea but I accept some people are louder than others - this doesn't mean they should be banned from trains. Children are little people, we were all little people once ourselves, weren't we? Isn't there room for us to remember that now and again?

Lorraine Candy is editor-in-chief of Elle.

 

Comments (37)

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Maybe your kids were louder than you thought as you attended to them. Singing, being taken for walks etc.Other people save up o go to these posh places for a treat so don't expect your family shenanigans to distract from the experience.

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I agree with the writer. I am childless myself, but how will children learn to behave in such an environment but through experience. Other peoples children don't spoil my dinner nor do I have a problem. Please remember not all the childless are anti children

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I have always taken both of my children now aged 7 and 10 to nice restaurants since the age of 2. Never once have I experienced any problems with other diners. If you know your children behave in such a situation, what is the problem?

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My husband and I used to be that annoyed, childless couple rolling our eyes and giving dirty looks to the couples with children interrupting our expensive dinner. Now we have a toddler and we wouldn't dream of taking him to a nice restaurant.. we would not relax and enjoy our meal worrying that we were ruining everybody else's. When he's old enough to sit still for more than two minutes, we might consider trying a pub lunch!

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Some two year olds can sit still and some can't. If hers can I can see no problem.

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When you have waiters commenting on how well-behaved children are at a table, then the problem is somebody else's.

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The issue with this is though, every parents ''thinks'' their child is the most well behaved, and they always ''think'' their child is acting fine in public, when in actual fact their child is being very annoying and disturbing other people. So that is the issue with people bringing children to restaurant. Why no just bring your child to a family restaurant which caters and expects children?

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Exactly. You know, your kids will need to learn how to drive a car safely at some point. Doesn't mean you should start them driving at age 9.

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I am very fond of children and think that taking them to a posh resturant is nice but my heart would sink at the sight of four. What parents consider to be quiet and well behaved, and I include my sister in this, can still be quite loud. I had a meal in the Michelin starred resturant in the Eiffiel tower and seated next to us was a family with four children. They were well behaved but still noisier than you average couple and did put a dampner on our romantic meal that we paid a fortune for. Some places just aren't aimed at large families.

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I have been annoyed by parents (it's their fault- you can't blame a 3 yr old) of unruly toddlers enough to know precisely why people dread having them around. My local coffee shop/cafe had to put up a sign saying "while we like children please keep them with you at your table at all times". The poor staff were having nightmares trying to carry hot plates and tripping over little ones. Why should they have to spell this out? Thoughtfulness seems to be forgotten these days. Parents should take children to appropriate restaurants after explaining the behaviour expected. But I'd start with the local Harvester rather than a posh place. By imposing my toddlers on other guests in a good restaurant I would risk spoiling a special day for someone. Listening to parents chunter on at a toddler is really annoying "Janey, use the fork nicely, there's a clever girl.." "Billy do use the napkin.."

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If people were glowering it was because your little darlings were disruptive. Period.

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Agreed, especially if it's more than one person glowering! But Parents like to believe their little ''angels'' can do no wrong and that obviously everyone loves them.

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Want to teach your children good manners? Children won't learn and remember much about the restaurant anyway, as the necessary type of memory will start developing only after they are 4 years old. Why not teach children at home first? Besides, speaking about your sensitivity to intolerance, you don't demonstrate much sensitivity in regards to other restaurant patrons. They may be there to celebrate something or have a quiet conversation or just dine before going to a concert. Instead, they sit tense and nervous and expect tomato soup being splashed all over them any minute (I've seen it happen. The children's mother apologized profusely, but the evening was ruined for the woman who had involuntarily become the children's target.)

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