(or ghetto force lightning for Jedi dummies)
Since the dawn of humanity, mankind has strived to evolve into a small yellow rat capable of shooting lightning out of its ass. Or maybe thats just me. But anyway, you remember those 'joy buzzers' you bought from joke stores as a kid, then found out they just vibrated and didn't actually electrocute your friends? Those things sucked. So today Afrotech brings you a project to make up for your shitty childhood, and shock the crap out of anyone you want just by touching them.
This is how it works. If you
connect the high voltage output of a certain negative ion generator to your
body, your body will charge up with a low enough current that you don't even
feel it. If the negative terminal of the generator is in contact with the earth
during this time, your body will build up a large voltage difference with respect
to earth. When you touch somone who is standing on the same ground as you, he
is uncharged, so charge will leap from you to him with a spark, and cause him
to squeal like that car salesman guy in True Lies after Arnold arnolded him.
You could also touch your hand to anything else that is earthed, and it will
spark (and hurt). The obvious thing to do is to mod this generator into a shoe,
because it allows for easy contact to both the earth and your body.
Dating for Geeks
Professionally rendered simulation:
Stuff you will need:
12v Negative ion generator
Crappy rubber soled shoes. The thicker the soles the better.
Plastic switch from old power supply. (You can use metal but it will hurt during testing).
9-12v battery with optional clip
Duct tape, glue, dremel, and other miscellaneous essentials
Start by cutting out space for the battery, generator and switch.Also cut off the useless chunk of plastic on the generator. The smell of burning rubber will probably make you throw up, but thats ok.
Strip the negative wire and solder on the switch. Glue some of the bits in place and make sure there's a nice area of foil touching the stripped -ve wire.
Duct tape over the battery and
generator to protect/hold them in place. Then stick some more foil on to get
a really nice groundplate.
Poke the high voltage wire through the sole of the shoe, and strip it so it can be in contact with the bottom of your foot. Don't use Al foil for this part- it screws everything up.
Ready to pwn
For maximum pain, zap people with an insensitive part of your hand, like your knuckle, and touch the victim on a sensitive area like their fingertips, neck, clitoris etc.
Jedimark 1983: Badass*
*Results falsified to create hype and excitement.
Real world benchmarks: Is anything in this world real? Or is it all just a dream? In other words, I haven't gotten around to videotaping people I've zapped yet.
The practical applications
for this are unlimited. If you are one of Michael Jackson's friends, wearing
this will ensure he stops touching you. Sleazy men can go up to girls, zap them,
and say "hey baby, there must be electricity between us!" or "oh
baby you are shockingly beautiful"`. Or you could also just go around subtly
fucking up every piece of electronic equipment in sight, force companies into
bankruptcy, and make big money by short selling their stock.
This dude did it too
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