Female Sea Captains! Lady Gaga's missing sketch on SNL gets a second look after being thrown overboard

By Jennifer Pearson

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There's usually a reason why a skit ends up on the cutting room floor and in this case seasickness might have been the cause.

Yet Lady Gaga's not-so-funny sketch First Female Sea Captains has managed to resurface on the internet allowing Saturday Night Live fans a glimpse of what they missed when the Poker Face singer did double duty as host and musical guest on November 16.

Lady Gaga is seen in full sea captain garb from cap to heavy navy coat as she struggles to steer the ship, her face contorting comically.

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Arr: Lady Gaga took to the high seas in a deleted sketch from her November 16 stint as host and musical guest on Saturday Night Live

Arr: Lady Gaga took to the high seas in a deleted sketch from her November 16 stint as host and musical guest on Saturday Night Live

'The salty air's grizzled our voices and worn away our feminine charms!' the entertainer blasts in her best seafaring shout.

The sketch begins with an overly dramatic voiceover explaining, 'Centuries ago, Portsbridge, Connecticut was a quaint but prosperous whaling town selling everything from whale oil to... whales. Just pieces of whales.

'It was the jewel of New England! Until one day, all of the sea captains in the town fell ill of scurvy. Or herpes. We'll never know which one. Although they definitely had plenty of Vitamin C... But I digress.'

No feminine flair: The singer is shown struggling to steer the ship amidst a group of babbling mates in the unaired skit entitled Female Sea Captains

No feminine flair: The singer is shown struggling to steer the ship amidst a group of babbling mates in the unaired skit entitled Female Sea Captains

Feeling seasick: Lady Gaga's sketch features a slew of silly jokes about crow's feet, feminine flair and women's penchant for asking for directions when lost

Feeling seasick: Lady Gaga's sketch features a slew of silly jokes about crow's feet, feminine flair and women's penchant for asking for directions when lost

The voiceover continues: 'With the fate of the town in their hands, the womenfolk replaced their husbands at the helm of the ship. They became the first Female Sea Captains!'

'This is life on the open ocean,' one of the cast members dressed up as a rowdy second mate shouts in Gaga's ear.

Another lady sailor breaks in to tell them, 'Fellow female sea captains, I've just come from the crow's nest!' 

'Nonsense, I can barely notice your crows feet!' Lady Gaga replies.

Whale of a time: The entertainer blasts a white whale for borrowing her earrings and never giving them back and for stealing her boyfriend

Whale of a time: The entertainer blasts a white whale for borrowing her earrings and never giving them back and for stealing her boyfriend

'No, I said crow's nest!' the sailor repeats emphatically.

'On, my mistake,' Lady Gaga corrects. 

When the sailor says she fears they have lost their way, Lady Gaga asserts: 'That is no worry at all  for we female sea captains are very comfortable pulling over and asking for directions.'

Through the telescope she spies a trio of bare-chested men with pretty green tails relaxing on the rocks.

Born This Way: Lady Gaga's turn on SNL, which included a Madonna spoof, won mostly positive reviews

Born This Way: Lady Gaga's turn on SNL, which included a Madonna spoof, won mostly positive reviews

Flapper: The singer danced and clapped through a riveting jazz number

Flapper: The singer danced and clapped through a riveting jazz number

'It's a merman!' she shouts. 'Don't be fooled by their devilish merman charms. They are not good long-term prospects.'

Then they all sing a song: 'What do we with a drunken sailor ... hold their hair while she pukes.'

A male stowaway in striped shirt is found, and he tells one sailor that he doesn't like her eye patch, 'it's so 1831.'

'He must catwalk the plank!' Gaga orders, and as the stowaway dances and prances on the wooden beam he says his final words: 'I'm so overboard.'

Loving life: Lady Gaga was literally skipping for joy as she left the SNL after party on November 16

Loving life: Lady Gaga was literally skipping for joy as she left the SNL after party on November 16

  

'I feel terrible taking a man's life like that,' Gaga scoffs while the camera pans to the stowaway getting cosy with the three mermen on the rocks.

The sketch also features a white whale a la Moby Dick, with the singer belching out: 'There she blows! It's the white whale herself... Slay this foul creature once and for all... She borrowed my earrings and never gave them back. And then she started seeing my ex-boyfriend... Let's attack and send that beast between the devil and the deep blue sea.'

The skit ends with the ladies dancing and singing a diddy.

The comments below have been moderated in advance.

yeah get why it was cut.

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Wow a UK paper that cannot stream video content outside of the USA. Come on DM there is more and more news from across the pond day after day after day. I understand we need to have international news, but make sure the news is spelt correctly and can be accessed within the UK

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Can't think of any many women that make good comedians why bother?

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Should have left it thrown overboard to sink without trace.

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I thought that was one of the funnier ones!

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I can see her once in my lifetime in a simple dress, please.

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Cher Lloyd face!

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It's so refreshing to see her in shoes that aren't 10 inches tall. She looks great.

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Mmmmm, having seen SNL, I doubt there is much we could learn about comedy from our American cousins. we do however, have much to offer them!

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Im in the USA, you aren't missing anything, big bore of a sketch. Good cut.

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