Why women don't need fidelity at my age, by Trollope, 70: Author says she feels trust is more important in a relationship once a woman is too old to have children

  • Joanna Trollope has made millions with novels about middle-class affairs
  • Speaking about her love life she said trust is more important than fidelity
  • For 12 years she has been in relationship with toyboy 31 years her junior
  • Trollope says she won't live with him because she treasures independence

By Daily Mail Reporter

PUBLISHED: 18:06 EST, 16 March 2014 | UPDATED: 15:25 EST, 17 March 2014

Joanna Trollope, 70, pictured with partner Jason Kouchak, 39, has said that, at her age, trust is more important than fidelity in relationships

Joanna Trollope, 70, pictured with partner Jason Kouchak, 39, has said that, at her age, trust is more important than fidelity in relationships

She has found fame and fortune turning her tales of tangled middle-class relationships into best-selling novels.

And it transpires that Joanna Trollope’s life is also far from straightforward.

For at 70 the best-selling author has revealed she has taken the unusual and deliberate step of not setting up home with her toyboy partner of 12 years as she prefers the freedom that comes with living alone.

Confessing she has an ‘unorthodox’ relationship with musician Jason Kouchak, 39, she also alluded to the fact that it has survived for as long as it has because she has a relaxed attitude to being monogamous - as she is no longer able to have children.

Asked if fidelity is important to her, twice-married Miss Trollope who has made more than £15million from a string of novels that have seen her dubbed Queen of the Aga Saga, replied: ‘You know, I think at my age, loyalty and trust are more important than monogamy, but I think while women are fertile, sexual loyalty is crucial. But as time goes on you shrug a bit.’

Miss Trollope, the Oxford-educated daughter of a rector and distant relative of Victorian novelist Anthony Trollope, has two daughters by her first husband and two step-sons from her second marriage.

Her first marriage to City banker David Potter lasted for 18 years and the second to television dramatist Ian Curteis ended after 15 years.

In the interview for West Country Life Miss Trollope reveals both men were threatened by her success. She said: ‘I don’t think either of my husbands were entirely comfortable with any success I had – it made them uneasy. And I’m not going to elaborate on that.’

 

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Asked if her success had affected her marriages, she said: ‘There was some threat involved somewhere, because all human relationships are about control of one kind or another.

'Who knows at what point an idea of control segues into a fear of not having enough.’

Miss Trollope has been with the same partner for around 12 of the 15 years she has lived alone and enjoys keeping it that way as her liberty now takes priority.

Joanna Trollope pictured with her second husband Ian Curteis who she was married to for 15 years

Joanna Trollope pictured with her second husband Ian Curteis who she was married to for 15 years

She said: ‘Independence is crucially important to me but it doesn’t extend to wanting to control other people. I just want to be free myself.

'He’s [Kouchak] never been married. I think it’s the right degree of liberty for both of us and I’d never consider living with somebody again.

'I don’t want anyone to say to me, ‘Why can’t I see you this weekend? Why are you going to be with the grandchildren?’

In researching her new book Balancing Act, which is about the new breed of wealthy working women, Miss Trollope went to Stoke-on-Trent, home of Emma Bridgewater pottery, on which she bases the fictional firm in her novel.

She also spoke to successful women and discovered ‘very few of them were with men who couldn’t handle their success.’

In Balancing Act, one of the characters happily becomes a house husband looking after their children while his ambitious wife follows her dreams.

Miss Trollope said it is a scenario she sees as increasingly becoming the norm. She said: ‘This "men are from Mars, women are from Venus" approach is infinitely too black and white.

'There are vast numbers of men who aren’t thugs and brutes, but who are nurturing, cosseting people. I also think a lot of men are truly interested in the upbringing of their children.'

The shift between the last few generations has been massive, she points out.

'The father of my children still proudly boasts that he’s never changed a nappy. I don’t think that’s anything to be proud of.'

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She is inspiring, looks like she lives her life by her own rules. i like that!

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Guess what, you can say just about anything you like with a few million in the bank, or course she doesn't want or need a husband but don't tell other women about how wonderful you are, nobody believes it because it was just something you decided to do. It is a load of lies about free thinking, if you are stacked with cash you can do anything you like including having a toy boy at your whim. Don't tell us lies about liberty Trollope you are so not to be believed.

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I supose at 70 you take what you can get whatever conditions he makes, especially as he is so much younger. I cant imagine him staying around with a 70 y.o. if she demanded fidelity. Put up or shut up l think in this case. She brings it over as being very intellectual though, l give her that, can put a spin on it.

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This lady is eminently sensible and I have a lot of respect for her views.

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At last an understanding and intelligent woman. Men need variety, fidelity is a religious construct. Men only say what women want to hear because we want to sleep with you. Feminism has been a fantastic success and more women need to see that having sex doesn't need to be confused with love. Next thing to do is to get the courts to be fairer to men, which in turn leads justice to be fairer to children.

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If you want an open relationship I certainly hope you're honest about it. I've found that blokes who make comments like yours actually expect fidelity from women, and have an entirely different standard for themselves.

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So then, the mark of an intelligent woman is turning her head when her man is (inevitably) unfaithful to her? My sympathy to the woman in your life. You are clueless.

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An intelligent interesting woman and a pragmatist to boot. A refreshing change from the Kardashians, Towie set and reality TV attention seekers.

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Insist on condoms.

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Her partner is a handsome devil, good for her.......

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I'm having trouble with the "infidelity = trust" concept.

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Just speak for yourself Joanna.

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