87% Of Man’s Memories Shame-Based

DULUTH, MN—Stating that the man is rarely able to reflect on events from earlier in his life without visibly wincing, sources confirmed Monday that ...

College Admissions Office Finds Ideal Applicant Capable Of Subsidizing Tuition Of 3 Low-Income Students

MIDDLETOWN, CT—After carefully scrutinizing the application of high school senior Erica Allson, admissions officers at Wesleyan University confirmed Monday that the 18-year-old was the ...

Study: Humans Display Highest Cognitive Abilities When Trying To Retrieve Object Dropped Between Car Seats

CAMBRIDGE, MA—A study released Monday by neurologists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology has concluded that human beings display their highest range of cognitive ...

Teens Migrating From Facebook To Comments Section Of Slow-Motion Deer Video

Trendwatchers say more and more teens are leaving Facebook and Twitter in favor of the comments section on a YouTube video of a deer running ...

GChat Status Disastrously Left On Visible During Peak Andrea Hours

AUSTIN, TX—Calling it a “catastrophic oversight,” local woman Denise Clark, 27, accidentally left her GChat status as “available” during peak Andrea hours Thursday night ...

Bank Of America Introduces New Existential Rewards Credit Card Program

CHARLOTTE, NC—Affirming the company’s commitment to giving back to their loyal customers, Bank of America unveiled its new Existential Rewards credit card program ...