Archive for January, 2009

where did it go?

January 31, 2009 - 3:35 am 5 Comments

So the first night that I lived here I had my UW hoodie. And then I got hot, and I took it off. Somewhere in the family room where I am living there should be a grey UW alumni hoodie. But I totally cleaned this room from top to bottom last weekend, and there is absolutely no stupid sweatshirt anywhere!

I’m kind of afraid that the people who installed our central heating the day after I moved in might have accidentally grabbed it. I mean, it’s just a grey hoodie, if you aren’t looking at the really girly purple writing on the front!

If I can’t find it, I’m going to have to buy a new one, and that will suck.

Cheer up, Cupcake!

January 29, 2009 - 12:47 am 3 Comments

Recently Laini and I stole an idea from another group of girls (women) in Seattle. Basically, the idea is this:

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We made these cupcakes out of Plaster of Paris and then I wrote little affirmations on them. While Laini secured our little messages to toothpicks, I wrote out nine messages on little cardstock tags, explaining our project. The plan is to go down to the Harbor, probably this weekend, and leave them out for people to find. We even set up a website, Cheer Up, Cupcake to track our cupcakes’ progress. It’s not really even remotely close to done, though. Check back this weekend.

In the meantime, here’s Lilli and I enjoying some Diet Dr. Pepper!

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nothing much at all….

January 28, 2009 - 3:05 am 4 Comments

I’m sure it’s maddening for more more than just Weezer that every time I write a blog post, I also change my theme. I’ve been having a bit of a time finding the right one. And just when I thought I had? It wasn’t widget ready. I am CSS illiterate, and so here we are, conforming to the man, changing the stinking thing yet another time, all so that I can have my links back! It’s madness, I tell you.

My right sinus cavity is burning every time I breathe in. I wish I could stuff it with… Magic Mouthwash. Numb that sucker up!

I think I’m getting carpal tunnel from all the typing.

I give.

A waiting game….

January 24, 2009 - 7:21 pm 1 Comment

I feel like a lot has been going on inside my head since last Monday. One of the things the therapist and I discussed was my inability to just be in the moment. He mentioned to me that in the roughly five years we’ve been working together he always feels like I am in a hurry.

It’s true. I do.

I’m not sure why, or where I got that from, but I would say it’s probably a behavior exhibited most by my dad. I always feel like I’m rushing from one milestone to another. I’m always waiting. During the week I get to work, and then I wait for the day to be over so I can go home. I wait all week for the weekend, and then the weekend comes and I wait to go back to work. I’m waiting for my promotion. I’m waiting to move out of my mom’s house. I’m waiting to pay off my bills. And I absolutely have no idea how to be in the moment in my relationship with Weezer.

My goal right now is to just not. For the next 30 days, when I get irritated, or feel like I’m justified for getting upset, I’m going to shut up. My goal is to put aside my ego, and focus on what’s really important, in all areas of my life.

I don’t want to be ninety years old, looking back on my life, and realize I spent my entire life waiting.

(Incidentally: I love the 12 year old in my life. I do not love puperty. There are far too many prepubescent hormones flying through this house.)

I've been coughing all day. In case you were interested.

January 24, 2009 - 10:04 am 1 Comment

I haven’t really felt like writing much, lately. I’m not sure why. I’ve just had other things on my mind, I guess. It’s been a busy week.

I got to speak with my brother this week, a couple of times. He was in Hawaii briefly before going onto somewhere in Asia (Thailand maybe?) and then probably Afghanistan. This is what he told us before he deployed. This is what we have prepared for.

When we spoke on Monday he told me he didn’t think they were going to end up in Afghanistan after all. He said that he thought his deployment was going to be a big “booze cruise”.

My brother is a terribly awkward liar.

In other news, Joe was quite sick this last week and stayed home from school. He spent much of his time watching TV on the couch. You know, the couch I’m sleeping on?

Hey Joe. Thanks for sharing. This cough? Awesome.

"We are the keepers of this legacy."

January 21, 2009 - 4:57 am 2 Comments

The world is a different place today. I’m literally moved to tears.

I had a doctor’s appointment this morning, so I was able to listen to the inaugural speech on my way to work, and I pulled over at the UW Tacoma campus and just sat in my car, listening. And I was choked up a couple of times. But then I got to work and found out we were in survey, and I was just too busy to think about it.

I’m sitting on the couch now, watching the Inaugural Ball with Joe.

“Why is it called the Neighborhood Ball?” He asks me.

I try to explain about Barack Obama, and his ideals and the life he has led so far. About growing up the child of a single parent, and then going to Harvard Law and becoming a community organizer in Chicago. How community organizing is one of the most admirable, grassroots forms of social work there is. Empowering communities to change themselves. How this is different from the Bush dynasty.

I tell him how when I was a little girl (which really wasn’t that long ago) I never thought that I would see a black president, or a female president. I didn’t really think it was possible. The world is a different place than it was before. My children, should I have them, are never going to know a world where that’s not possible. I’m whelmed. Overwhelmed, even.

I’m literally sitting here in tears.

I watched them dance the first dance, as Beyonce sang “At Last,” one of my favorite songs ever. And I cried.

I read an article by some British woman who was tearing us Americans apart for treating our president like royalty. And all I can say is this: for the first time in my adult life I have a leader I believe in. For the first time in my adult life I see a future I can be proud of. In these times of uncertainty I am so proud to have a leader who is intellectual and confident and not afraid to create change.

I can not stop crying.

*Quote from Burack Hussein Obama’s inauguration speech, for those of you living under a rock.

the work never ends…

January 19, 2009 - 7:32 am No Comments

Well. I finished moving all my stuff from the Tacoma house to the Gig Harbor house (except for those aforementioned towels). I packed up the storage shed, and with Nini’s help we did it in a remarkably efficient way. It shouldn’t be too hard to get the stuff I might need out of it. And additionally, it will be really easy to unpack when I finally do move out.

However, my car is still a mess. It doesn’t help that it was messy before I started. But I have tons of stuff that I don’t want to store, but have no place to put at the moment. Also, I have all this stuff lying around my mom’s living room in bags and boxes. This week’s project? Clean (with Chris’s help) the downstairs bathroom and move in. Clean out the cupboard under the stairs (aka: Joe’s old bedroom) and move my clothes and stuff in there. Unpack my books and set up my bookcase. Unpack my DVDs and set up my DVD rack in the closet.

Now I’m watching a very strange episode of Law & Order: Criminal Intent. It appears that since I moved out (and subsequently began living without television) last April, USA no longer plays episodes of SVU. However, Bravo gives me the Diet solution to my Law & Order cravings with episodes of Criminal Intent. It will have to do.

BTW, I think I’m allergic to my mom’s couch. If I sit on it in a skirt, my legs break out in hives. WTF? I have to have a flannel sheet on it when I sleep. Hmmm….

And finally,

January 18, 2009 - 8:43 am No Comments

Some pictures from earlier this week:

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Lilli does her makeup. When I moved I sent some old makeup home with Nini. Isn’t Lilli beautiful?

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Kaleb and Katie do a Myspace shot!

moving to the country, I'm gonna eat a lot of peaches

January 18, 2009 - 8:30 am 1 Comment

So Joe and I have been playing guitar hero for quite awhile now (he’s on guitar, and I’m vocals), and I worked up a thirst and a bit of an appetite. As I was getting my snack (some water and some peaches), I started singing

“Millions of peaches, peaches for me. Millions of peaches, peaches for free. LOOK OUT!”

And Joe cracked up because I’m weird. I told him I saw the Presidents at Sasquatch with Chris and our mom last spring, and he was like, “that’s a real song?”

And I felt old.

So I played him this video:

And we laughed.

And now we are watching Harry Potter again, because I missed the ending earlier. I had to get my nails filled.

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I finished moving, and left the keys at the Tacoma house. I got to the storage in Gig Harbor and packed in all of my stuff good and tight, with Nini’s help. And then, on the way to my mom’s I realized. I left a couple of towels in the laundry room. So I have to go back this week. Madness, I tell you.

Also:

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It amazes me that the contents of my life fit into this tiny little space. Truly.

learning to be more self sufficient.

January 17, 2009 - 11:01 pm 1 Comment

There are many things that I want to work on this year in terms of self improvement. The biggest thing is that I want to learn to rely on myself more. I mean this in a couple of ways.

First of all, I want to learn to be more self sufficient in terms of my mental health and happiness. I want to learn ways to cope with myself, my disorder, and general disappointment in a way that doesn’t depend on other people to make me feel better. I have historically had a tendency to rely on other people to bring me out of my slumps, and this is so trying on me, them, and the relationship as a whole. My lows? They are really low. And it’s not fair for me to expect someone else to stop their life to pull me out of it. And the excuse that I would do it for them? Not a very good one, because I think my tendency to absorb other people’s problems completely is just as unhealthy. So I want to learn to be let go of the fear of being alone. I want to stop clinging. I want to stop chasing people away.

All my romantic relationships follow the same pattern of demise. Makes a person sit back and wonder what they are doing to perpetuate this self fulfilling prophecy. And want to find a way to break the cycle, because they are with someone good. Someone they love. But maybe that someone is tired of working on the relationship when the relationship is all work. So when life becomes hard, I need to find a way to deal with it myself. It’s not up to anyone else.

Also, I want to be more self sufficient in the way I live my life. And I have a very clear idea of how I want to do this. I have a lot of clothes. And I buy them all, on a whim, and then maybe wear them once or twice. My goal this year is to sew more of my clothes than I buy. Clothes for work and jeans I will continue to purchase, but casual spring tops? Summer dresses? Those I want to sew. I also want to learn how to make as many of my own home beauty products that I can. And decorating for the apartment when I move out? I want to sew things like curtains and placemats. This is my goal.

I’m watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Daniel Radcliffe grew up HOT. I’m just saying….