Archive for April, 2010

Climbing Back on this Bandwagon

April 30, 2010 - 5:07 am No Comments

So I’m trying to pull myself back onto this blogging bandwagon. It’s not that I don’t want to be here, but when I’m really stressing I find myself struggling to find things to say. And as I grow older there are so many more things that enter the realm of not bloggable.

Work stress? Not Bloggable.

Relationship stress? Not Bloggable.

Friendship stress? Not Generally Bloggable.

I guess I’m growing up.

So if we remove all the parts of my day that are Not Bloggable, then basically I woke up late, did some stuff somewhere, spoke to some people somewhere, and finished Season One of the Office.

I want to marry Jim. But Pam beat me to it. Bastard.

What’s In My Bag Wednesday

April 29, 2010 - 5:03 am 2 Comments

Stolen from my cousin Nichole. When we went to Seattle last Sunday (for which I am still working on a giant picture post), Nichole said that I should do this weekly post once she realized exactly why my purse was so heavy. I have less stuff in it today.

All of my items, laid out for all to see:

My scientific calculator for balancing my checkbook, a notebook and two of my favorite pens, my spare keys for work, bluetooth headset and ticket stubs from Sunday’s trip to Seattle.

Two pairs of Betsey Johnson sunglasses and my eyeglasses case.

My wallet, checkbook, a little wristlet containing two pairs of skullcandy headphones and the book I am currently reading. Which is really good. BTW.

Telephone, iPod, camera case and car keys.

Lip butter, Vera Wang Princess perfume, lipgloss, lipstick, and the best smelling hand lotion ever (Island Escape from Victoria’s Secret).

Dear Next Door Neighbor (again):

April 29, 2010 - 1:17 am No Comments

Thank you for coming over and apologizing about the other night. That makes you a good guy. Or better, anyway.

Now if we could just work on the bathing thing….


letter to an a-hole.

April 26, 2010 - 10:51 am 4 Comments

Dear Guy Next Door:

I don’t think it’s very fair that I have to feel guilty for leaving a message for the manager at 3:41 on a Monday morning because you won’t SHUT UP!

Seriously, I try to be mellow, because I get it. You’re young, you’re having fun, I’m an old lady, whatever.

Shut up. Shut up! It’s almost 4am. Some people have real jobs they need sleep for.

Don’t yell “Fuck” at random passerby from your patio. It’s rude.

Stop, stop, STOP taking baths at the same time I do. I don’t care what Weezer’s brother says, it weirds me out to the extreme that the minute I start running bath water, so do you. Don’t be creepy.

If someone pounds on the SHARED bedroom wall because they can hear word for word the conversation you and multiple people are having, including your squeally girlfriend, SHUT UP. Don’t ignore me. That makes you an asshole.

And dude. You know you’re not me. You don’t drive a red Kia. Don’t fucking park in my spot. I pay for that spot. And you’re a stupid dumbass.

In short, go get a real job, shut the eff up, and I hate you because I feel guilty that I just left a rambling message on the office voicemail reporting your sorry self.


Very Sincerely,

SelfCare <3

April 24, 2010 - 9:05 pm No Comments

Sometimes when you really crave something, it’s okay to just cave. It makes life easier. I went to Safeway at like, 2am, and bought two bouquets of tulips. I love tulips. I couldn’t decide what color to get, so I got both the pink ones and the purple ones. I also hunted down a box of O Organic Vanilla Sandwich Cookies. I had six (!) (don’t judge me, Pops) cookies and a glass of pink lemonade Crystal Lite in the bathtub while reading the latest Sookie Stackhouse paperback before finally going to bed at 4am.


So I have family in town from California again, which is exciting. Joe’s younger older brother Jon is in town with his wife Nichole, and their daughter Rylynn. We went to lunch at the Rock today, and that was fun. Tomorrow we’re going to Seattle.

They are planning on moving up here, or trying to. That would be fun. I wish I were a little more lively this weekend, but I’m finding myself to be a bit off.

I am still feeling the financial strain of my new car purchase, so much of the time that was formerly spent finding something exciting to do is now spent worrying about money. Hopefully this raise will ease that strain. My next paycheck should be a little bit more comfortable.


Negotiations are tense, but hopefully all parties involved pull through unscathed.

things I love.

April 24, 2010 - 2:51 am 2 Comments

This video is awesome. And the song is one of my favorites. So romantic.

This article is wonderful. It’s something I need to spend some time considering, as I both weed out the negative people in my life and do my best to become a more positive influence on others.

That I got promoted last Thursday, and a raise, and my new assistant starts on Monday. How awesome.

I’m falling in love with the Office. I know. I’m late on this bandwagon.

I’m gonna go eat some ice cream. I wish I had some fresh tulips in my apartment, and Organic Vanilla Sandwich cookies in my kitchen. Lol. And this is why I’m only three lbs away from my target weight.

Life is still really hard, but I think I’ll just go to bed early and see where we are tomorrow.

breaking the cycle.

April 23, 2010 - 3:42 am 1 Comment

I’m trying to keep calm. Trying to carry on. Feel like I’m hanging out in limbo.

I feel like I’m not being listened to, or taken seriously. Come on. I am saying the same things over and over and over. Does that sound like kidding to you?

I come home. I panic. So I go find something to do, keeping me out and around people till way too late, and preventing sleep. Which, by the way, makes me panic. So it’s a cycle I can’t break. I’m trying hard to hang out at home, alone, not having a panic attack, so I can go to bed at a decent hour and maybe stop feeling like the world is ending, and my stomach is eating itself.

It’s like I’m not even being heard. And I feel really alone.

I can’t breathe.

April 16, 2010 - 12:27 am 5 Comments

Seriously. The world is choking me. I have had more drama and anxiety in the last 24 hours than I think I can handle. I want to scream. I want to surround myself with people that I trust, but I’m not sure who they are anymore. I’m scared at all the changes that are happening around me, and I don’t know how to get a handle on anything.

I can’t breathe.

I’m not sure how much longer I’m going to keep at this site. I may need a change. Too many people I don’t want to know about this site know about this site. Too many people. A couple of people in particular.

I can’t breathe. I haven’t really eaten today. Yogurt and a Lean Cuisine. I’m forcing dinner, because I’m starving underneath this anxiety/nausea, and then I am going to bed. I hope I will get some sleep, and maybe NOT wake up tomorrow in a full blown panic. I thought I was doing fine until I took a nap, and when I woke up? I wanted to crawl out of my skin. Yikes.

Another check on my list!

April 12, 2010 - 4:53 am No Comments

This weekend, has been SUCH the busy one! I feel like I haven’t gotten any rest at all, and it’s back to work tomorrow. Yeep. I’m only the tiniest bit excited though, as I have my outfit for work all planned out. (Speaking of outfits, has anyone seen the dresses at Target right now? Not just the Liberty of London ones, although OMG. Love. But I want. All of them. Love. Again.)

I spent Saturday with Other Brother, driving out to Port Angeles to visit my family. Pops took us to show off his beer brewing technique, and showed us where he wants to open his microbrewery downtown. And Rhonda had a precious little purse and check book cover for me, handmade and sold at a shop downtown. I bought some wristlet keychains, one for me and one for mom. I also got some scrap fabrics for sewing, and a coin purse for my aunt.

Dinner was at the house, with Natalie there as well. We had a hilarious dinner, during which we attempted to convince Weezer that Sequim was the place to settle down. “It has an Applebee’s!” He just kept texting me “I don’t want to live there.” Lol, that’s okay Weezer, neither do I.

I also left with a new “borrowed” hoodie. Ages ago I “borrowed” my dad’s Fresno State hoodie. When I gave it back to him he felt so guilty he ended up giving it back to me, for good. This time, since I was a bit chilly, he offered to loan me a hoodie, saying he had one he thought I’d like. This time, he let me “borrow” his Fresno State Alumni hoodie. So silly. I quite like it, though.

Today I drove to Olympia to visit my Aunt Joan. We had plans to go paint pottery at The Painted Plate. I met her at around eleven. We had egg salad sandwiches at her house, after I showed off my new car. I had joked that I needed to wash it, but that I was afraid of the car wash (true, actually), so after we ate we drove to the car wash, and she talked me through it. We vacuumed it all out afterward, and now it’s lovely.

We went to the farmer’s market, which was so much fun. There was some awesome music there, and it looked good, and smelled good, and was quite fun.

At The Painted Plate we agonized for hours over what to paint. Neither one of us had done it before, and it was a bit daunting at first. I chose something rather large, and really stressed out about how to fill all that empty space. I decided that less was more, in this case. And my aunt’s platter turned out quite cute.

On our way back to the car we found this in a shop window. I love it, and wish it were mine:

Oh, why aren’t I rich?

I’m now at home, painting my toes and watching An Education. I meant to find some turquoise tights for my dress for work tomorrow, but I forgot. Darn. Oh well.

checking in.

April 8, 2010 - 5:11 am 4 Comments

I’m trying to do this more regularly, even if I feel overwhelmingly busy and tired.

Today is the first day since Sunday that I haven’t done pilates before bed. I find it to generally be a really relaxing way to cap off my really stressful days at work, but this cough is killing me, so I took a nyquil, and I don’t want to rev up my energy. Oh well, I walked today, so that will have to suffice. I feel like (obviously) I’m getting smaller, but now I really want to focus on getting fit. But I do have a hard time getting the motivation to do anything high impact after a long day at work, and then a long commute home. Pilates will have to do for now, at least, but maybe I can get a hike in this weekend or something.

I’m going to my dad’s house this weekend. I double booked with my aunt, so I am going to have to reschedule for next weekend. I hate doing that. It makes me feel flaky.

I’m getting my hair trimmed this Friday. I have kind of a clearer idea of how I want this short hair thing to work, so that’s nice. I’m still practicing styling it. Not sure which method I’m liking the best at the moment.

I’m wearing my favorite tshirt ever, which I bought in Canada when we went to celebrate my 21st birthday. It’s a super soft vintage t, with a picture of the tundra and underneath it says “polar bear heaven”. Awesome. It hasn’t fit me in ages. It fits again. I want to marry it. Love.

Okay. Bedtime. Cold medicine wins.