Archive for October, 2007

What am I doing right now?

October 29, 2007 - 7:43 am 3 Comments

Uh, pretty much watching She-Ra on DVD. Yeah, that’s right. I’m rad.

My mom came into my room this morning before work, and laughed when she saw what I was watching. She-Ra was my favorite cartoon growing up, and my mom was telling me how when I was three years old it was all She-Ra, all the time. Apparently everytime Adora became She-Ra on TV I would jump up and yell “She-Ra!”. Gosh, I was cute.

Anyway, I’m not going to be up much longer, as I have a very busy day tomorrow. I have therapy, my internship, and then Dana, Angela and I are going up to Seattle to see Brand New, Thrice, and mewithoutyou in concert at the new Showbox. I haven’t spent a lot of time listening to any of these bands, so it should be fun. I’m having to miss a meeting at work to go to my internship, so this makes me feel guilty and anxious, even though there’s nothing I can really do about it. And I asked my mom (who works at the same place I do), and she agreed that my internship came first. Because school always comes first. (I love my mom).

So this is what bothers me. Apparently, according to Adam, Adora’s twin brother, no one knows he’s He-Man, not even his parents. Um, hello? He-Man wears way less clothing than Adam does, and it’s not like he’s hiding behind a mask. So it’s not like you see less of him. You actually see more. So how stupid does all of Eternia have to be to not notice he’s He-Man. That’s all.

I’m such a nerd.

Also, I remember Skeletor being scarier.

That’s really all. I’ve got to go to sleep. Night, folksies.

30 Things I Like About Me

October 28, 2007 - 8:05 am 2 Comments

After my last couple of posts, which have been kind of “down”, I was challenged by Karen Beth to make a list of thirty things about myself that were good. I like a challenge, so here is the result: 30 things I like about me.

1. I’m very family centered. My family is the most important thing in my world, and anything else takes a backseat when my family needs me.

2. My friends are my family, as well. I don’t take friendship lightly. Once I call you friend, I will do almost anything for you.

3. I’m intuitive, and as a result I think my friendships progress quickly. I am able to find kindred spirits, and form solid relationships.

4. I feel things. When something good happens, I am happy all over. When I am sad, I feel it just as fiercely. I like being so passionate, even if it can be exhausting at times.

5. I am creative. I love to write, sing, craft, or basically anything that lets me release all those passionate feelings welling up inside of me.

6. I tend to look for people who bring the last two things out in me. I like being around people who make me feel. It’s how I know I’m alive.

7. I treat my dogs like they are my children. Actually, I do that with all of my pets. I used to keep bettas, and I spoiled them just as much as I spoil Klondike, Phoebe and Bella now.

8. I love the way I dress. It’s so completely, honestly me. Sometimes it’s basic, sometimes it’s a little off the wall. A girl in my BASW program told me she loved my sense of style. She said it’s fun. I loved that, because that’s what I aim for. I like having my own style.

9. I love to read. Anything I can get my hands on. Fiction, non-fiction, biographies, how-to manuals, cereal boxes, textbooks. I was one of those kids who couldn’t eat breakfast without the cereal box to read as well.

10. As a result, I think I have a well rounded knowledge base. I like knowing things that many people consider obscure.

11. My bedroom walls are bright pink. I painted them that color when I was 22. I picked the color on a whim, because it was called cheery, and it made me feel just that.

12. I take pictures of everything and everyone, and then buy frames and put them everywhere. I have had to start hanging the frames on my walls because I’ve run out of shelves and furniture to put them on. I’m running out of wall space.

13. My mom and I really are best friends.

14. I dropped out of college when I was 20, and never really thought I’d go back. But I’m graduating this spring with my Bachelor’s in Social Work.

15. I do believe in fairies.

16. I’m forgiving.

17. When I make you my friend, you are a friend for life. I don’t give up on people easily.

18. I have a weird relationship with my electronics. I think I’m electromagnetically wonky, and things tend to break on me. To solve this problem I started naming all of my electronics, and sweet talking to them. I am convinced this has made a positive difference.

19. I think I’m charming.

20. I love my voice. I think it’s very feminine.

21. I have a really good sense of humor.

22. I have a thirst for learning things.

23. I want to be a social worker because I want to change the world. And I really believe I can. I love my idealism.

24. I love my tattoos, because they are good expressions of who I am and how I view the world.

25. I’m very spiritual. And religious.

26. I used to be so thin you could count my ribs. I might wish I were a little bit thinner, or more toned, but ultimately I love my curves more than I ever loved being stick thin. They make me feel more feminine.

27. I really care about people.

28. I have these freckles on my shoulders that I think are about the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen on a person.

29. I am genuinely interested in the stories people have to tell.

30. I think that mostly I am uninhibited. I like that about myself. A lot.

So I hope I didn’t bore you all with my list of stuff, but I think that it was a really helpful thing to do. It’s good to focus on the things we wouldn’t change about ourselves, because I think mostly people focus on what they want to change, and that doesn’t get you anywhere. So thanks, Karen Beth. It was exactly what I needed!

Best Friends!

October 27, 2007 - 10:37 am No Comments
Katie and Adina
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Okay, I’m done. I’m going to sleep.

Family fun

October 27, 2007 - 10:25 am No Comments
My family album
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i loathe myself….

October 27, 2007 - 3:32 am 1 Comment

So today in class I was playing around on my laptop, going into files that I’ve never used and deleting them. While I was doing that, I found a file full of all my old msn conversation histories. I didn’t even know they were on my computer! Anyway, I started reading Caleb’s old messages, and became really depressed. First I was depressed because he was very sweet, and towards the end I became depressed because his attitude was so disrespectful, and I should have been able to walk away but couldn’t. My self-esteem was so low that I would rather be miserable in a relationship than assert myself and leave a bad thing behind.

So on a total whim (that I regretted the minute I did it) I reinstated my eharmony account. I don’t want to be on eharmony! I have a crush! That I really like! And sure, nothing’s going to happen if I just sit there like an idiot with my poor self-esteem, but Good Christmas! I don’t really want to spend the money I just spent to be let down again, because I got paired up with a jerk. Especially since I know someone in real life who I really like! But anyway, I logged into my eharmony stuff, and noticed that Caleb had “closed” our match. I hadn’t noticed this before, because I cancelled my eharmony after Caleb and I started dating. But almost a month after he broke up with me (via text message) he logged into eharmony and “broke up” with me there, too. Good Christmas, I’m in a bad mood.

And I still am having trouble liking myself, at least aesthetically, so I am having a hard time imagining that there’s someone out there in eharmony land who will like me. And I’d really prefer it if my crush liked me anyway.

Bah Humbug.

October 26, 2007 - 10:12 pm No Comments

I would be so lonely if we didn’t have any pets! It’s kind of amazing to me that I was able to just go somewhere, give someone some money, and take home a living, breathing creature. My dogs are so precious. They’re good company when I’m lying around the house alone like a bum, avoiding my to do list! Although actually, now that I’m done being sick, I’m really quite on top of my to do list. But I love how I’ll sit in bed with my laptop on my lap (duh), and Klondike will curl up next to/on top of me while I type. So cute.

Today is such a pretty day out. It’s very sunny, and the temperature is not too hot, and it’s not too cold. A couple of light layers is all I really needed when I got dressed this morning.

Going back to work this weekend. I’m not very excited about that, but I guess it’s better than doing nothing, and it would be nice to have some money on my next paycheck.

I went to the library today and picked up another DVD, so I think when I’m done typing this I’m going to start wading through my library DVDs. I have half of Ramones Raw to finish, I’m only about a half an hour into Sylvia, I have The United States of Leland, and today I picked up Before Stonewall, a documentary I missed in my sexual orientation class when I was sick last week. I need to get started!

I also need to wade through my library books and return the ones that are overdue, or that I’m really just not going to read. I tend to check out more than I can get through!

And I need to clean my room. And knit my sweater. So I should go do that.

My Bell Jar

October 26, 2007 - 6:16 am 1 Comment

I’ve been feeling kind of depressed lately. I just feel really down. And I want to sleep all the time. And I can’t wait until I’m done with school, but I don’t want to have to go to class. I love my internship, but I hate my job. If I could do anything, I would stay at home, not have to worry about money, and just check out library books and read all day, but if I did that I would be sad because I would be alone all the time, and I wouldn’t be doing anything productive.

It might not help my mood that I just put The Bell Jar on hold at the library. I haven’t read it since I was thirteen. I figured since I was watching Sylvia, I would embrace the Sylvia Plath.

I’m lonely. I have no time to see my friends, and lately I haven’t liked myself enough to date anybody.

I’m just moody. I have been. I might need to adjust some medications. I don’t feel like myself. Hopefully I’ll be back to normal tomorrow.

i'm too lazy to think of a clever title

October 25, 2007 - 7:26 am 3 Comments

I think my creative bone is on hiatus. I really feel out of commission, and I’m sick of it! I think the answer to my problem is to simply ignore the sick, and jump back into the swing of my ridiculously busy schedule. And then sleep every chance I get!

The problem with not staying as busy as usual is that I get bored so I blog, but I’ve done nothing, so my blogs are boring. C’est la vie! I’m sure you will all bear with me until I bounce back.

Work on the sweater has taken a turn for the worse. No dropped stitches, everything is really even, guage is good, but I just can’t seem to make myself sit there and knit when I have free time. Instead I end up doing karaoke revolution or going online or something. And when I’m watching TV? Yeah, I’m still lame and don’t do it. I did work on it some the other night, but I really need to step it up! I’m on a schedule! One factor that is slowing me down is that I know I’m going to need more yarn. Soon. But that’s no excuse to halt production altogether.

My brother Chris and I drove out to McDonald’s in his Bronco at about 11ish to get a Diet Coke. Nothing tastes better to me than Diet Coke with lots of ice, from the fountain. It’s nowhere near as good when it comes in a can or bottle. It’s like crack to me. But I digress.

We hopped in the car, popped Le Petite Prince in the CD player, and were on our way. It wasn’t until we were leaving the drivethru that I commented how cold it was, even though the heat was on high. Then, as we were coming up Rosedale, the main road that our neighborhood is off of, Chris noticed that the heat thingy was past the little red line. We pulled over, and as he turned the truck off there was this noice like rubber bands snapping, and the car way started overheating.

We called our brother Bryan, even though at this point it was 12:30 in Missoula, to ask his opinion on our situation. Bryan said that the Bronco was simply out of fluid, and that it was something you really had to watch in the Bronco. (It was his car first.) But we put more coolant in the reservoir, and waited until it stopped smoking and drove the rest of the short way home. It was still making rubber band noises as we pulled into our neighborhood, but Bryan said to just add more fluid to the radiator tomorrow before driving it anywhere.

I really hope that it truly is that simple, because my dad has said he’s not putting anymore money into the Bronco, and I know that Chris can’t afford to deal with this kind of car trouble. He’s been super stressed lately, and really doesn’t need to deal with his truck on top of everything else. Life is hard enough for him right now.

I’m mad at someone, and I’m trying really hard to not be. I don’t like being mad, but sometimes it’s easier to hang onto the anger than it is to let it go, because when you let that anger disappear than you have to face trickier emotions. Like pain. And sadness. And I might not like being angry, but I think I dislike being sad even more.

I’m having a really hard time getting into any of my new library books. I keep starting them, and not getting past the first chapter. Even had this trouble with a Jodi Picoult book, and I love all of her books! But my mom just finished Scott Westerfeld’s Specials, which just came into my library the other day. I had been on the waiting list since the middle of this summer! So I’m pretty sure that this book will engage me like the previous two did, although it’s been so long since I read Pretties that I think I need to find some online synopsis to catch me up!

I rented Sylvia from the library, with Gwyneth Paltrow. Has anyone seen it? I want to know if it’s worth watching!

I am still very excited over recieving my package yesterday. Especially since I forgot Karen Beth was sending it until it was in my hands. I love getting real mail. I have a rubbermaid bin that holds every single letter or card I’ve gotten since I was in middle school. No joke. It’s fun to add to the collection. And when I’m feeling really down, I love to go through them all and remember all the wonderful times. I love mail. Getting mail yesterday makes me want to send mail to someone else, so that their day is a bright as mine was.

I should really go to sleep, as I have class, and then a really busy exciting day planned at my internship. Sometimes I wish I could just talk in detail, and tell you all about the wonderful things I get to do there. But unfortunately that would be unethical and a breach of confidentiality. But rest assured, I am being challenged and fulfilled, and I am appropriately nervous/excited about everything I am experiencing. But it’s a long day before I can come home and watch my Thursday night block of “bad” (and by bad I mean wonderful) TV. And I have to wake up early to drive Joe to his first day of school in Gig Harbor. I can’t wait to hear how it goes. I hope it goes so well for him. Keep this little lost boy in your thoughts today and in the days to come. I am off to sleep. Finally. After I read a little bit. And I really should knit some on my sweater…. Kidding. That can wait until tonight. Goodnight, my loves!

This is amazing.

October 25, 2007 - 5:26 am 1 Comment

Read Me.

Happy Mail!!!

October 25, 2007 - 4:39 am 2 Comments

Today I was playing karaoke with Joe (I kicked his butt!) when Chris and my mom came in to watch Pushing Daisies. We’re all settling down on the couches when Chris tossed an envelope towards me. I was so excited! I get bills, I get junk mail, but I never get fun stuff!

It was a package from Karen Beth! She sent me, like she promised a week ago, a cd of my favorite book, The Little Prince, in French. She also sent a sweet card. I was very excited.

It’s a lot of fun having a little person in our house again. He’s so full of little people energy. We played karaoke, watched Pushing Daisies, played a game of Battleship, and dyed celery with food coloring. He is such a sweet little boy, and I’m very glad to have him here. I feel so bad for him, not having either one of his parent’s, and I wish that there was a way for him to understand how wanted he is, and how loved he is.

I’m tired tonight. I seem to be tired a lot.