Baby, I'm bad news…

Gosh, I am the worst student ever! Here is yet another update from my research class, because I would rather blog than listen to lectures on research methods in social work.

I’m feeling a little bit better about my prognosis this quarter, gradewise. I got 11/15 on my research questionnaire, which isn’t amazing, but let’s be honest, is passing, so I’ll take it. I talked with my group members about our project due next Friday, and I feel much better about the amount of work that I have done, as well as my encounter with my group member Wednesday night. I think a lot of the confrontation had more to do with her being worried about her own grade, and less to do with me, and I can understand that concern. I would’ve handled it differently, but c’est la vie. No biggie; I think we’re good.

I am still having a really hard time getting up in the morning. I have a couple of potential reasons for that. First, being in the first days of a new Lithium prescription has left me kind of wonky. Sleepy, lessened appetite, kind of nauseous. Also, my back has been in a lot of pain these last couple of days, so I’ve been utilizing the Percocet I got a couple of weeks ago. I think the combined efforts of the two have left me a little SLEEPY.

I am coming up on the last week of class, and I have never been so happy to see the end of a quarter in my life. I am tired. And I can’t wait to have a day to clean my room without having to worry about homework/class in the morning. I’ll still be working both at my job and at my internship over the break, but I think it will be an easier schedule nonetheless.

I finally wrote the outline for my paper on AIDS and the GLBT community, so I feel a lot better. It’s really hard for me to wrap my head around such a huge concept without an outlinen to guide me. Also, once I have the outline it’s a lot easier to flesh the paper out in a day. So I feel a lot better about that.

My mom and I are going to see Tegan and Sara on Monday, and I am very excited about that. My mom has never listened to them before, so I hope that she likes them. It should be a lot of fun. Good bonding time for us. I wish I were getting paid before the concert, but I’m not, so I’ll just have to be broke. Ah well.

We heard from Bryan the other day. He called my mom at work. He’s really enjoying boot camp (weirdo), and has even had time to post a new picture on his myspace.

Sorry for the novel. I think I tend to write more when I’m trying to tune out boring lectures on research. Ugh. Bad student.

I am really depressed today. I’m having a hard time getting over my conversation with my classmate last night, and I’m really letting it get to me. I had a morning where I was just too depressed to get out of bed, too depressed to dress for being around people, but I sucked it up, got out of bed, and made a minor effort at least to make sure I was fully clothed before leaving the house.

I’m stressed about school. I’m too tired to think. And I’m having a really hard time finding the motivation to drag my ass out of bed in the morning.

I hate today. It started out really good, actually, except that I felt fat in what I was wearing. But if you ignore that superficial, girly crap, then today (yesterday, I guess) started out really good.

I got to my internship early, coffee in my Grizz mug that Bryan gave me when he left for boot camp. I had a very productive day. I talked with a client about developing our resource center, I helped another client with some stuff he’d been worrying about for a long while, and I got a start on the computer class I’ll be working on with the clients. I’m really enjoying the other staff at the agency, as well as a lot of the clients I work with. It was a good day.

Then I got to class, and my good friend Amanda told me a secret. It was a really good secret. It was an even better day.

And then it wasn’t. I’m stressed about the end of the quarter, and I know my classmates are, too. One of my classmates made a comment about how hard it is to get me to do work in class, and referenced how I apparently never do the reading, and I was pretty overwhelmed. I work. I work hard. I am so tired most of the time that I want to cry. And it was just more than I could take.

I’ve felt guilty all night whenever I’ve done something that wasn’t directly related to school. I’ve cancelled plans to go to the PCAF event at the art museum on Friday, because I think I’ve just got too much on my plate.

I just need to remind myself that the quarter is one week away from being over, and I graduate this spring. I just need to pull through until this spring.

But my feelings were really hurt.

Tomorrow Angela is coming over to watch me write my paper. Kidding. Although I will be finishing up my research project, and starting my AIDS paper. But it will be good to see her, even if I won’t be much fun.

Today I have the biggest headache. I had the headache when I woke up (the aftermath of halving my Risperdal dosage), but it increased as I spent hours back and forth on the phone with my doctor’s office while waiting at the Target pharmacy for the correct prescription to be called in. But my waiting paid off, and I got my new prescription for $4. Amazing.

The woman at the Group Health lab was amazing today. The new medication requires me to have levels tested every so often, and today I had to get my baseline labs done so that I can take the new meds tonight. She loved my Mexican purse, and told me she studied 8 years of Spanish. She kept switching from Spanish to English, and was fun as heck. Also, we share the same birthday, so that was rad.

This morning in class we walked over to the Tacoma Art Museum to see the panels from the Names Project: AIDS Quilt. It was pretty moving. I wish that I could have seen more than just the two panels. Did you know that the last time the quilt was displayed in it’s entirety was in 1996, because it’s simply too big to be shown in a venue that is accessible to the masses? I wish I could have seen it then. The little display at the Art Museum is good, but too small.

Dana and I are going to the Names Project/Pierce County AIDS Foundation Event at the Tacoma Art Museum this Friday evening. It should be fun. Both PCAF and the Names Project are 20 years old this year!

I need to do some homework this evening (read LOTS of homework), but I think I’m going to take a nap first. I am so tired. So tired.

This wonderful woman that I work with has decided to work for me tomorrow so that I can work on all of my projects for work and internship. I am so overwhelmed.

Tonight I drove up to visit the guy I met through eharmony. That was okay.

I’m tired. I think I might sleep. But after the Sarah Silverman show. It’s so weird.

So tonight Bryan flew into San Diego, where he’ll be in Marine Corps Boot Camp for the next three months. I got to talk to him this morning, briefly, and then realized like an idiot after we hung up that today was his birthday, and I forgot to wish him a happy one! My mom did, as well, and we were both sick over it, but after making several phone calls to his friend Gretchen, we were able to get ahold of him and say Happy Birthday. He told us we were weird. I love him.

Tonight I am watching the Planet Earth Pole to Pole documentary. It’s really interesting, but also kind of sad, because I don’t like watching the animals that die do so.

I am so tired I don’t know how I am going to make it through the end of the quarter, but if I do I definitely have my mom to thank for it! I told her how overwhelmed I was, and she spent her evening while I was at work googling research for my paper on HIV/AIDS and the GLBT community for me. I love that.

I talked to my dad today. He seems sick over Bryan’s decision, and I think he feels like he has no one to really talk to about it. That makes me sad.

My mom is going to see Tegan & Sara with me on December 3, as Angela accidentally picked up a shift that day. Boo Angela! Kidding, I saw Angela at work today, and was very happy about it.

I’m tired, and I have therapy in the morning. Good night, all.

I do not want my brother to leave tomorrow.

Just thought I’d share. I’m scared.

Kay, that’s all.

I am so tired. Today was a busy day. Bryan and I were out late with Dana last night, so getting up at 9am this morning was a bit of a challenge. I know some of you crazy people were up much earlier, but 9 was early enough for these kids!

We drove out to Pt. Angeles to see my dad as planned, and on our way out I spent much of my time dealing with the car people about my car repairs. I needed a new battery and a new alternator, so that bumped the cost up to $406, which I didn’t have. My mom tried to find a cheaper battery to bring into him, but she isn’t a car person and didn’t know where to look. I called the repairman back, and he said he’d install the battery and cut the cost a little bit for us, which I really appreciated.

When I got to my dad’s house he gave me an extra hundred on top of the $300 he promised me, so that I could get my car without overdrafting. Amazing. We had a yummy lunch of turkey sandwiches, and Bryan and my dad talked about the Marines all day, while I basically tried not to fall asleep.

I definitely think something is going to have to be done about my medications. Halving the dose of my mood stabilizer is having a negative effect, I think, and I was starting to feel pretty desperate today. I think I am going to call my psychiatrist’s office on Monday and see if I can get him to change my prescription before my visit in a week. The plus side is that the new prescription will only cost $4 at Target! Very exciting.

We got home, but I was still pretty high strung when my brothers, mom and I met Joe and my grandma at a mexican restaurant for dinner. I drove Bryan nuts with all of my picture taking, but I got some good ones! I am really going to miss him when he leaves for Missoula tomorrow. He has no cell phone, and he leaves for Butte, and then boot camp in San Diego for three months on Sunday. I am going to miss his phone calls so much. I’m pretty sick over it. I already miss him.

I’m very excited that when I got home tonight my Mixtape Zines had come in the mail!

I can’t wait to cuddle up in my bed reading my zines and watching a tape of the most recent SVU episode. Yummy.

I told Dana that I would meet her at Shari’s after she gets off work for pumpkin pie. I wish I’d said for drinks instead. I could use a drink. Or three. I want to do more than go to Shari’s and eat. I’ve eaten enough today!

Thanksgiving was a lot of fun. First, it was just amazing to wake up whenever I wanted this morning, and not have anywhere to be. Love. And I just really enjoyed spending time with my family.

I watched It’s A Wonderful Life this morning with Bryan, which was fun. It’s definitely one of my favorite Christmas movies ever. I took a little nap, which was good. I talked to my dad, which was also good. Bryan and I are driving out to Pt. Angeles tomorrow to visit them. I’m excited to see him.

Bryan and I were watching one of the Planet Earth discs while we waited for dinner to cook. I am excited to watch the whole series. It was amazing. We also played some Cranium, with Bryan and I as the power team (we are undefeated), Chris and Mom as a team, and then Joe and Grandma making up the last team. Bryan and I won by forfeit, so are records remain perfect!

My new flannel sheets are soooo amazing. Sooooo comfortable. I didn’t even mean to take a nap earlier today. I just sat on the bed with the laptop, and that was that. I was out.

Amazing thing that happened today! My mom gave me her digital camera. The camera I got last year wasn’t all it promised to be, and she’d been looking for a new one that would be a good fit for me. Anyway, she couldn’t find a camera that had all she had, in her price range, and hot pink (hers is HOT PINK!), so instead she is buying one for herself, and giving me the rad hot pink one. I am so happy.

I hope you all had a happy, yummy, tummies full Thanksgiving.

“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.”
—Buddha

Where the heck have I been? I didn’t know you could get colored cauliflower! Angela and I went to Metropolitan Market today after she picked me up from my internship. I love Metropolitan Market. It was pretty crowded with the night before Thanksgiving shoppers doing some last minute business. The air was festive, though, and Angela bought some yummy foodstuffs!

The apples are Honeycrisp, and according to my Practicum Instructor, they are the apples to eat this year. They looked gorgeous. I want to try one.

I got a phone call from my dad today. He wanted to know how much it would cost to get my car fixed, and offered to pay for it. I called my mom to tell her, and she and Joe went to my car and had AAA tow it to the car fixing place. It will be worked on first thing Friday morning, and I am so happy. They took care of all of this while I was at work, so I didn’t even have to worry about it.

BTW, if any of you watch Private Practice, I am so freaking glad Sam and Naomi had the sex. Love it.