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real sav science!

By baconheist on 11/8/2006 0:50

Dear Readers,
It has come to my attention that certain items around the office have gone missing. It is with great despair that I must do the following...

That’s right folks, it's that time again, where we take off the funny hats, and in their places don some lab coats. But this editorial is not all funny hats and lab coats; It's more about research papers and thesises. The purpose of today’s sav science is to find out the REAL scientific properties of every bodies favorite battered saveloy-type snack - the battered sav.

First things first - get some savs to work with, and as we were using a top secret scientific testing facility in Isabella Plains (may or may not have been the school) - we went to the Isabella Plains takeaway to grab some savs.

Scientific experiment number 1

Mick: hypothesis "this milk will go well with a sav"

Me: hypothesis "I look hot in this lab coat"

Brewer: hypothesis "these guys are idiots - I should be elsewhere"

Obviously all three of those were proven to be true with little or no experimentation.

Scientific experiment number 2

Brewer: hypothesis "Steve will laugh when I say retort stand"

Also true =_=

Scientific experiment number 3

PH-ness of the sav... Hey, no one scientifically minded offered to write this report for me so I’ll say PH-ness all I want. When someone emails me a scientifically correct report you'll all get a scientifically correct report, but until then - PH-ness aplenty. Although big ups to brewer and his mum for sciencing for us and wrangling the facility :D.

So as science-ers would say "method: put sav in the clamping section of the retort stand and clamp device, then put some litmus paper on the sav"

And as you can see the litmus paper did something that tells us a sav is acidic... woo...

As Mick and Brewer were thinking about science, I was thinking about how little breakfast I had had...

and CHOMP! And just like that I proved that a sav which had been tested for acidity was still tasty...

And err... litmus paper isn’t half bad either...

But at that time of day it seems I wasn’t the only hungry one. In a matter of just minutes we proved that science teachers don't mind a sav...

And Mick doesn’t mind the odd bit of radioactive material (possibly thorium)

But before Mick could chow down on it, it was snatched by Brewer who is - less stupid than Mick... who just tried to eat some freakin thorium.
So Mick was relegated to eating a sav while we used that chunk of thorium to do some radioactivity tests with one of the few remaining savs.

Scientific experiment number 4

A sav isn’t radioactive - we already knew this, if a sav were radioactive we wouldn’t eat them and they would all be handled like so:

and possibly like this:

But this chunk of thorium is decidedly radioactive and you can see this Geiger counter is counting plenty of Geigers on this little baby.

But when a sav is placed between the sensor and said thorium - BAM! Radiation almost back to nil.

So next nuclear winter I’m investing in a sav suit, yes folks you read it here first. Sav suit'll keep you safe*
*disclaimer - possibly only against alpha radiation.

Anyway not being folks to dilly dally when playing with equipment worth more than my European luxury car we moved onto:

Scientific experiment number 5

Electricity of a sav.

I’m sure with my awesome sense of humor I’ll be able to think of a battered sav and battery pun by the end of this article but not right now. Sorry.

We used this something-o-meter to measure the conductivity of this snack.

And it turned out that this sav was slightly conductive - pretty dull outcome but hey - next trivia night you go to which they ask about this, you'll know!

And so we dove headlong into

Scientific experiment number 6

And as brewer wrote "Hypothesis: Sav's explode when exposed to acid” If I could be so bold I might just correct it to "Hypothesis: Savs explode
when exposed to acid".

And so Brewer’s Mum with her scientific qualifications poured a little of the hydrochloric variety onto it and....

Apparently no explosions... now I can sleep at night...

And now:

Scientific experiment number 7

And the last for today (unless you count seeing if a skeleton can hold a sav an experiment...)

Flammability of a sav.

So we retorted that sav up and put the Bunsen under it for some good old-fashioned sav burning.

And we have now concluded once and for all that a burned sav is black...

As seen in this comparison.

And now that aforementioned skeleton - Mr. Bones I presume?

And that's all for today class, once again Mick and I would like to that Mr. (soon to be Dr.) Brewer and his mum Mrs. Worontschak (who can not only science it up with the best of them but also cook up a mean brekkie after a night of one too many schooners of port.) for helping us out with the science but also providing the not notch facility at such short notice...

So until next time keep reviewing those savs and keep expanding our databases!


1/1/1970 5:00
Posted by beefsack
absolutely awesome
1/1/1970 5:00
Posted by BeeJay
pure GOLD !
1/1/1970 5:00
Posted by S. Hawking
Eureka. This is the answer to all my questions. The radioactive absorption level of a saveloy is precisely that which I have been looking for - the level of dark matter. The elusive properties of dark matter have been my study for years, and now, my work is at an end.

I will credit your excellent site when I present my new book: "A brief history of the dark saveloy".

PS - do you know how hard it is to get a sav when you're completely paralysed? For some reason my voice recognition software does not recognise "sav". My wife keeps bringing me pavlova. The trials of being the most intelligent man on earth...
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