Like Caroline Wozniacki, KATE SPICER knows how it feels to be ditched without explanation or remorse

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Kate has been dumped by text and in front of hundreds at a wedding
One ex-boyfriend even who got his best friend to call and dump her
So she knows how Caroline Wozniacki feels
The tennis player was dumped by Rory McIlroy with a short phone call
Kate wonders are men capable of ending a relationship kindly?

Published: 17:34 EST, 17 September 2014 | Updated: 18:10 EST, 17 September 2014

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Kate Spicer, 35, has had more than her fair share of unfair dismissals by boyfriends

After 20 or so dates in six weeks, each one more heart-stoppingly exciting than the last, I was pretty sure that Ben was The One. Good-looking, with the naughtiest twinkle in his dark-brown eyes, he was also smart, stylish and, most importantly, funny.

My 35-year-old head knew perfection wasn't possible, but my heart said something different. And, from the passionate nature of our relationship, I assumed he was similarly besotted with me.

Naturally, I was desperate to share my good fortune, so I broached the idea that, maybe, we should make our relationship public. 'Wait a bit,' he said. Reluctantly, I agreed, even though the last thing I felt like doing was muffling my excitement like some guilty schoolgirl with a crush.

A few weeks later, the big night came when he invited me to dinner with a few of his friends. I climbed the stairs to his flat with my heart in my mouth. This must be it, I thought. Inside there were two men and three girls, all a lot younger than me, and all unnervingly beautiful.

Perhaps the warning signs were there when Ben introduced me as 'my friend Kate'. Dinner then proceeded with a slightly odd atmosphere, with Ben appearing to show more interest in some of his other guests than me.

I went into the kitchen to talk to him as he plated up the main course. 'So, what do you think?' he said. 'Of what?' I replied. 'Of her,' he said, nodding in the direction of the dining room and the stunning girl in a tight Herve Leger bandage dress and with a veritable cascade of lush dark hair.

I looked down at my flat shoes through my boyish bob. Suddenly it became devastatingly clear that this was his way of ditching me. Not for him a tearful break-up during a walk in the park, nor even a 2am phone call in which he'll pledge to be my best friend for ever.

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Instead, unable to do the decent thing, he invited me around to show me the reason I was being dumped.

Humiliated, I tried to hold on to my dignity - but the risotto stuck in my throat and I gulped down his vintage Burgundy like it was orange squash.

I've been dumped by text, during a shouting match in front of hundreds of people at a wedding, and even by a man who got his best friend to call me and tell me. But never like this. Forget 'it's not you, it's me', this was 'it's not you, it's her'.

Tennis player Caroline Wozniaki in happier times with her then boyfriends, golfer Rory McIlroy

This experience (it still makes my spine shiver and fists clench two years later) came to mind as I read about Rory McIlroy's gallant way of finishing with Caroline Wozniacki, the Danish tennis player.

She revealed in an interview last week how the Northern Irish golfer, the love of her life, ended their three-year relationship just days after their wedding invites had gone out.

It came in a brief phone call, no longer than a couple of minutes, during which he said nothing except the wedding was off. No reasons, no remorse. He left those for the press release that he shared with the entire world a couple of hours later.

Wozniacki admitted that the split last May left her 'shocked'. 'I thought at least it would be face-to-face or something, but there was nothing. It was a phone call and I didn't hear from him again,' she added.

So what is it about men that they can't end relationships with manners, dignity and, yes, some emotion? Why do they think it'll be easier for the woman if they don’t show their feelings, rather than shed a tear and at least come up with a lame excuse?

I've been subjected to many crass dumpings since I first kissed a boy 30 years ago, and I've no doubt my experiences are pretty standard

There are ways for men to dispatch a woman, and Rory clearly needs some practice. As does the spineless worm who dumped my sister after passionately courting her for almost six months. Literally all he said was ‘goodbye’ before walking out. No wonder she was left sobbing on my sofa for weeks.

Just last weekend, several years after the event, we had a ceremonial shredding of the love letters - great sheaves of them. And, still, she kept asking, 'Why?' During her emotional outpourings, my sister was lamenting not only the end of a long relationship but the fact there wasn't a reason for the ending.

The loss was bad enough but the not knowing why was worse. There must have been a why, it's just that the man - and, let's be honest, most men - found it nigh-on impossible to express it.

Women need closure, while men seem able to suppress their emotions and build impenetrable walls around unfinished aspects of their lives, as if those loose ends no longer exist.

I've been subjected to many crass dumpings since I first kissed a boy 30 years ago, and I've no doubt my experiences are pretty standard.

There was the long-term boyfriend who finished with me as we walked towards a taxi after a party, with the words, 'This isn't working, it's over.' Then he jumped in the cab and took off.

I cried for two months and felt paralysed with regret about the possible reasons for his emotional brutality. I obsessed over the fact we argued about whether to eat chips (me) or boiled potatoes (him). Was it my personality, fashion sense, family, friends, looks? The minutiae of my character was endlessly assassinated by my worst enemy - me.

Russell Brand reportedly told his wife Katy Perry that he wanted a divorce by text message

After weeks of sorrow-drowning, I bumped into him. It turned out he'd got together with a mutual friend who he 'always had a thing about', but thought it was best not to tell me.

He assumed he was being kind - but that's one of the things that differentiates the sexes: one man's 'kindness' is another woman's 'crass insensitivity'.

I appreciate there's never a good way to end a relationship - my preferred exit strategy is to let things get so bad that I can't help but finish things - but at least I end it with some explanation.

And, after three decades of experience, I've nailed the golden rules for leaving a relationship. Anything less than six months deserves at least a phone call letting them know where they stand. Anything over that - especially if the physical bond has morphed into something more serious, with thoughts about 'the future' - then a face-to-face chat is a necessity.

You know the scene - TV ominously switched off, wine glass filled, together on the sofa but with little eye contact. The lines are just as familiar: 'We can still be friends'; 'This isn't about you, it's me'; 'I just think we've grown apart'; 'I'll always love you'; blah, blah, blah...

These are the easy ways out but I'm not convinced they satisfy any more. Man up and dignify us with a little honesty, will you? Tell us you’ve fallen in love with someone else, that you’re bored with us, can't abide our friends or whatever. That's how to dump a woman. Make it unequivocal and honest.

It gives us the chance to wipe the slate clean as soon as you've grabbed your coat and hotfooted it out of the door. How refreshing it would be not to behave like a coward, as McIlroy did, or actor Daniel Day Lewis, who sent a short note by courier to the gorgeous French actress Isabelle Adjani, whom he had been seeing for six years and was pregnant with his child.

Or Russell Brand, who sent a text to his wife Katy Perry saying he wanted a divorce.

Or, as one of my more honest male friends recently admitted to me, cowering under - yes, under - a car when he saw a girlfriend coming to his house in order to ask why he hadn’t called her for a week.

I asked behavioural psychologist Linda Papadopoulos why men were so incapable of being respectful when dumping a woman. 'It's pretty simple,' she says. 'It's all about how comfortable you are with emotion.

'And if we must gender stereotype, lots of men are not comfortable with it. The technology age has made it even easier for them to take the path of least resistance, to disengage with minimal confrontation.'

Perhaps, then, it's time we women radically changed our approach. To stop looking for reasons and to start being selfish. To be ruthless not wet, emotionless not soppy, to embrace the clean break rather than look for a made-up excuse.

So my heart goes out to you, Caroline Wozniacki. You’ve had a rough time but, let's be honest, it won't take you long to find another man - and hopefully this time he'll be tall enough to allow you to wear high heels.

You're only 24 and you certainly don't need my help on how to find love - but here's a little advice on what to do if it doesn't work out next time: be a man about it.