Formerly a free software programmer “by day” and a sexual freedom advocate “by night,” Maymay has been an outspoken member of kinky, queer communities since 2002. Now a full-time activist, writer, and public speaker, they frequently examine cultural and political issues ranging from censorship to community building and beyond on their blog at maybemaimed.com. Using an interdisciplinary approach that treats sexuality as a lens on the rest of life, Maymay also hosts the Internet talk show KinkOnTap.com, authors the explicit photography blog MaleSubmissionArt.com, and founded the all-ages KinkForAll.org series of sexuality education unconferences. Since its inception in New York City in 2009, educators and activists brought KinkForAll to 6 cities across America including Washington, DC and San Francisco. Until September 2012, they served as the Chair of the Technology Special Committee for Conversio Virium, America’s oldest student-run BDSM education group.
Maymay’s seminars have been featured at conferences from coast to coast, and they regularly inject sex-positivity into each and every community they geek out with. Their presentations, lectures, and workshops focus on queer identity and experience, sexuality, media and censorship, gender (with a focus on masculinity), technology, and especially the intersection of these things. As a social justice technologist, maymay rallies hackers, Makers, DIY enthusiasts, environmentalists, and myriad other groups to support sex-positive feminism. As a sexual freedom activist, maymay works to connect enclaves of the sex-positive movement with one another through the power of the Internet and social networking.
As a sexually submissive man themself, maymay is also known for challenging deeply-held beliefs about “kinky” sex by exploring common visual depictions of sexually dominant women, and especially submissive men. Their work has been featured by the internationally-distributed counter-culture publication Filament Magazine, feminist books such as Reclaiming the F Word, and academic works like Playing on the Edge: Sadomasochism, Risk, and Intimacy. Maymay’s theorizing draws heavily from the free and open-source software movement, whose principles of transparency, accessibility, and diversity underpin everything they do.
Interviews, publications, and press (a partial list)
- Article about the Predator Alert Tool for OkCupid, “Filtering out the cyber creeps” by Clem Bastow in Daily Life magazine. (April, 2013)
- Interviewed by Matt Cornell for a feature article, “Outsider Porn“, published at Overland Journal. (September, 2012)
- Article, “How an Outdated View of Masculinity Ignores the Needs of All Men“, published at The Good Men Project. (March, 2012)
- Article, “Invisibility versus Illegibility: KinkForAll shows how “kink” is everything you didn’t know it can be” in Good Vibes Magazine. (February, 2012)
- Article, “Non-monogamy: A Human Internet for Compassionate Payloads,” published in Good Vibes Magazine, Modern Poly, and SsexBbox, Issue 2. (October 2011)
- Article, “Gender is a text field,” published in SsexBbox, Issue 1, “Genderly Phrased“. (June 2011)
- Article, “What sex has to do with the First World Infowar against Wikileaks,” published in Safeword Magazine, Volume IX, “The Power of Politics”. (May 2011) (screenshot)
- Interviewed at the Sex Geeks’ (Radio) Potluck about confronting sexism in BDSM communities and iconography, and about tackling censorship of sexuality on the Internet. (February 2011) (audio clip)
- Interviewed by PredilectionAZ about sexual freedom activism. (January 2011)
- Interviewed by Filament Magazine about cultural implications regarding male sexual submission. (December 2010)
- Interviewed on Sexploration with Monika about submissive masculinity and male sexuality. (November 2010)
- Interviewed on Lilycat on Stuff radio show about Kink On Tap‘s contribution to sexuality in independent and new media. (July 2010)
- News coverage of KinkForAll events I’ve organized in the Washington City Paper, Carnal Nation, and Examiner.com. (February–June 2010)
- Interviewed on FCC Free Radio regarding KinkForAll sexuality unconferences and community activism. (March 2010) (audio clips)
- Interviewed by Cunning Minx on the Poly Weekly podcast about Kink On Tap, sex and politics. (June 2010) (audio)
- Article, “Why I Love My Girlfriend’s Cocks” appeared at Cocksexual. (January 2010)
- Guest co-host on “This Week in Kink” podcast. (September 2009) (audio)
- News coverage of “Gender & Technology” lightning talk from ZDNet. (Sydney, Australia; January 2009)
- Interviewed by Stephanie Wu in The Gadfly for a report called “Tie Me Up: A Gadfly Interview with Conversio Virium” regarding sadomasochism. (April 2008)
Speaking and performance (a partial list)
- Lead a workshop, “Help FetLife’s Rape Culture FAADE Away” at Transcending Boundaries Conference (video) (Springfield, MA; October 2012)
- Gave the Opening Keynote Address at Atlanta Poly Weekend 2012, “From Triads to Triadic Relationships: Polyamory’s superpower is not what you think” (Atlanta, GA; March 2012)
- Lead a workshop, “Visualizing Sexual Self-Identity: Gender’s Big Bang” at Transcending Boundaries Conference (Springfield, MA; November 2011) and at Atlanta Poly Weekend 2012 (video) (Atlanta, GA; March, 2012)
- Panelist for The 8th Annual Public Anthropology Conference‘s session called Polyamory, Monogamy, Activism & Social Change: Paradigms of Power & Praxis in Everyday Intimacy, presenting Dreaming of Compassion: Technology, Polyamory and Social Change. (Washington, DC; October 2011) (video clip)
- Gave a lecture, “Re-caste-ing Alternative Sexuality: A Class Analysis of Social Status in the BDSM Scene” at Arse Elektronika 2011: Screw the System (San Francisco, CA; October 2011) (video)
- Presented “Finding Masculinity in Submissive Play” for Kink Academy membership. (April, 2011)
- Gave a seminar, “Anti-censorship best practices for the sex-positive publisher” at the Atlanta Poly Weekend conference (Atlanta, GA; March 2011) (video clip)
- Facilitated Remaking Male Submission: Confronting sexism in BDSM workshop at The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health (Pawtucket, RI; March 2011)
- Lead a seminar, “On Dichotomies: Breaking Binaries and Why That’s Empowering” with a followup Q&A session for the Queer Student Association at the Rhode Island School of Design (Providence, RI; March 2011) (video clip)
- Gave a lecture, “FetLife Considered Harmful: The Risks of Sex Ghettoization” during KinkForAll Providence 2 at Brown University (Providence, RI; March, 2011) (video clip)
- Panelist for The Western Regionals LGBTQIA Conference‘s session called “BDSM: Kink Isn’t So Scary” (San Francisco; March 2011)
- Co-facilitated “Pimp My Website” day of workshops for sexuality professionals, organized by Reid Mihalko. (Oakland, CA; January 2011)
- Gave a lightning talk called “Copies Combat Censorship” for Five Minutes of Fame at Noisebridge. (San Francisco; December 2010)
- Performed a 10-minute spoken word appeal at the Queer Literary Carnival: Sideshow Reading Series. (New York City; October 2010) (video)
- Gave a 5-minute condensed version of “On Transparency in Activism: Why Being Anti-Craigslist is Anti-Justice” for Five Minutes of Fame at Noisebridge. (San Francisco; September 2010)
- Panelist for The Center for Sex and Culture‘s event called “Queer, Poly, and Under 30” (San Francisco; August 2010)
- Panelist at Sex 2.0 Conference for a session called “Media Whoring: Tips from the Pros” (Seattle; May 2010) (video)
- Lead a seminar at Sex 2.0 Conference called “Participatory Community Organizing for Social and Sexual Freedom” (Seattle; May 2010) (video)
- Speaker and panelist for the Sexual Health Education and Empowerment Council‘s special event “Sex Panic!: When Educators Are Censors” at Brown University. (Providence, RI; May 2010) (video clip)
- Presented a lightning talk called “Community Organizing For Great Justice!” for Five Minutes of Fame at Noisebridge. (San Francisco; March 2010)
- Lead a seminar, “On Dichotomies That (No Longer) Jail Me” for KinkForAll Providence at Brown University. (Providence, RI; February 2010)
- Gave a lecture, “Sexual Adultism: The tragedy of youth sexual oppression” for KinkForAll Washington DC. (Washington, DC; November 2009)
- Lead a seminar, “Freeing Sexuality Information” for KinkForAll Boston at University of Massachusetts Boston. (Boston; September 2009)
- Lead a session at the Sex 2.0 Conference called “Connecting Disconnected Communities” (Washington, DC; May 2009)
- Lead a session at the Sex 2.0 Conference called “Gender and Technology” (Washington, DC; May 2009) (video)
- Presented a 5-minute lecture for Ignite Sydney called “Gender & Technology”. (Sydney, Australia; January 2009) (video)
- Taught a class called “Playing with Sex Toys: Incorporating sex toys in BDSM play” for Conversio Virium at Columbia University. (New York City; November 2007)
- Gave a seminar called “Sex and Technology: How Technological Innovation Pushes the Boundaries of Human Sexuality and Vice Versa” for The Floating World. (New Jersey; August 2007)
- Panelist at The Floating World‘s session called “Power Bottoming” (New Jersey; August 2007)
- Co-presented a class called “Sexual Teasing and Denial” for The Eulenspiegel Society’s The Next Generation, Floating World, Conversio Virium, and Über Skill Share Workshops. (New York, New Jersey, and Sydney; August 2006, August–October 2007, and April 2008)
- Co-faciliated Conversio Virium‘s special event “Cookies and Kink: An introduction to BDSM“. (New York; February 2007)
- Panelist for a discussion titled “Puppy Play” hosted by Conversio Virium. (New York; February 2007)
- Co-presented and demo bottomed for “Singletail Whips: From Gentle to Rough” at Conversio Virium. (New York; April 2005)
Publications management and community organizing
- Founder of KinkForAll sexuality unconference series (March 2009–Present)
- Creator and curator of Male Submission Art, a crowd-sourced erotic photography blog. (November 2008–Present)
- Producer and host of Kink On Tap, an Internet radio talk show (May 2007, and October 2009–Present)
- Chairperson of the Technology Special Committee and contributing editor for Conversio Virium. (January 2007–Present)