Are you REALLY more exhausted than your husband? It sparks endless marital rows – who’s working harder on less sleep? We wired up three couples to find out

  • Mandie Gower, 38, says she must be more tired than her husband Nick
  • She says she spends all night waking up for their baby daughter
  • Alice Smellie also says she spends her days chasing after her children
  • She lives with financial consultant husband Justin in Somerset
  • Clare Campbell, 59, works from home along with husband Christy, 62
  • She doesn't believe that he is always working when he is at his desk

By Daily Mail Reporter

Published: 17:08 EST, 19 November 2014 | Updated: 20:55 EST, 19 November 2014

The argument has been raging between married couples for generations. Who is the most tired? With sleep a valuable commodity in most relationships, particularly those with young children, it seems men and women will never agree.

The female claim to the ‘most exhausted’ crown was bolstered this week by research which revealed that, over a year, women get 15 days less sleep than they need, compared to the male deficit of ten days. To settle the argument, we challenged three couples to log their waking and sleeping hours using a Jawbone, an interactive wristband that monitors wearers’ steps taken and quality of sleep.

It also gives a figure for ‘total active time’ — moving and doing physical work, rather than sitting down. Here, the couples say how hard they think they work before each takes the Jawbone test. The results may surprise you . . .

Mandie Gower, 38, a magazine editor, and her husband, Nick Goodchild, 38, a company director, pictured above, live in South London. They have two children, Honor, ten months, and Pearl, three.

Mandie and husband Nick with their children Honor (left) and Pearl (right). Mandie thinks she must be more tired than her husband because she's been up every night looking after their baby

Mandie and husband Nick with their children Honor (left) and Pearl (right). Mandie thinks she must be more tired than her husband because she's been up every night looking after their baby

MANDIE SAYS: Maybe it’s the hangover after months of being up every single night with the baby. Whatever the cause, I’m convinced I must be more tired than my husband, despite the fact I’m on maternity leave.

Even though Honor mostly sleeps through the night now, while Nick is snoozing on the bus to work at 9.30am I’m already three hours into my working day, having woken with Honor at 6.30am. It’s also my job to get up should either of the girls wake up in the night. From collecting Pearl from nursery at 11.30am until her bedtime at 7.30pm, I juggle a constant deluge of questions, demands and chores.

It’s exhausting trying to be tolerant, entertaining and on time.

Evenings are spent sorting laundry, filling in school forms or doing the online shop right up until I go to bed, while Nick switches off in front of the TV watching a boxset. Honor weighs an impressive 1½ stone, so just carrying her is like a never-ending weight-training session, never mind doing so while loading the dishwasher or helping a wriggly three-year-old off the loo. The fact Nick has the energy to run home from work and play squash proves I am definitely the most tired.

While Nick is snoozing on the bus to work Mandie says she is already three hours into her working day

While Nick is snoozing on the bus to work Mandie says she is already three hours into her working day

MANDIE'S RESULTS:

Number of steps each day: 5,890

Distance travelled: 2.72 miles

Sound sleep: 4hrs

Light sleep: 2hrs 32 mins

Total slept: 6hrs 32 mins

Total time active: 49 mins

NICK SAYS: I run a busy photography agency that employs 60 people and has the same number of clients. It takes an enormous amount of energy and requires several evenings out with clients a week — it’s rewarding but exhausting.

And that was before our two daughters came along. Now, there is no respite at all. Even at home, when I’m bathing, changing, feeding or reading stories to the girls, I’m mulling over work issues.

Travel time is for catching up on emails so I can get back home on time. And once back after a draining day, I usually put at least one of our daughters to bed before helping to clear up the day’s domestic detritus.

At night, while I may not always be the one springing out of bed to deal with nightmares or tummy bugs, I’m inevitably woken up.

Oh, and I often run home from work as it’s quicker than the bus, so I’m physically pretty shattered, too.

Basically, I deal with the demands of two all-consuming roles and am constantly connected thanks to modern technology.

My wife has only one role right now. I must be the most tired.

NICK'S RESULTS:

Number of steps each day: 8,609

Distance travelled: 4.32 miles

Sound sleep: 3hrs 21 mins

Light sleep: 4hrs 29 mins

Total slept: 7hrs 50 mins

Total time active: 69 mins

VERDICT: Most exhausted is Nick

MANDIE’S RESPONSE: I knew I was getting less sleep than Nick, but it was a big surprise to see I am actually getting more sound sleep. Perhaps that’s why he always seems less refreshed.

I was also shocked at how few steps I took — I thought running up and down the stairs and racing around the park after the children would mean serious mileage.

This test doesn’t account for the mental energy I expend. Even when I’m watching a swimming lesson, I am on the phone to the bank.

Although Mandie is getting more sleep than her husband the results show that his sleep is more disturbed than hers

Although Mandie is getting more sleep than her husband the results show that his sleep is more disturbed than hers

NICK’S RESPONSE: Finally, some recognition! It’s now official that just because I’m not up in the night, it doesn’t mean I’m any more rested than my wife — in fact, quite the opposite.

That should put an end to the ‘wimp’ comments next time I’m yawning over dinner.

And yes, while Mandie’s stories of pacing the house at 3am with a crying baby will still win sympathy, as I’ve always maintained, running around town to high pressure meetings and then doing my bit at home is totally exhausting.

But would I swap places with her right now? Probably not.

Does putting on my lippy count as work?

Writer Alice Smellie, 41, and husband Justin, 46, a financial consultant, live in Somerset with their children Archie, nine, Oscar, eight, and Lara, six.

Alice Smellie says that from the moment she wakes up she is on the go with their children yet husband Justin seems to remain strangely calm

Alice Smellie says that from the moment she wakes up she is on the go with their children yet husband Justin seems to remain strangely calm

ALICE SAYS: By 7am, I am usually tearing around the kitchen like a mad woman, tidying, finding PE kits and feeding children and animals.

Yet there is always an island of stillness in the chaos: Justin, sitting reading financial market updates on his iPad. Admittedly he is working, but he is not moving.

I stomp around him. ‘I’ve been up since 6.30am,’ I snap. ‘I’ve been awake since 5am,’ he retorts.

Armed with piles of dirty washing, I still feel I have the moral high ground in this perennial argument.

Alice and Justin with their children Oscar, Archie and Lara

Alice and Justin with their children Oscar, Archie and Lara

My working day starts at 6.30am and (if I’m lucky) finishes 14 hours later at 8.30pm, when I finally sink into the bath.

If I have a writing deadline, I carry on working until well after 10pm before collapsing exhausted into bed at 10.30pm.

I know that my husband thinks I sit at a desk testing out lipsticks all day, (OK, sometimes this is a vital part of my job as a beauty writer), but I feel as though I don’t stop. As well as doing most of the school runs, I do a daily three-mile dog walk, as well as all the housework and food shopping.

Yes, I have a weekly cleaner, but that is never enough. There is no way Justin can be as tired as me.

The couple used Jawbones to measure their daily activity and test who is really the most tired 

The couple used Jawbones to measure their daily activity and test who is really the most tired 

ALICE'S RESULTS:

Number of steps each day: 10,192

Distance travelled: 4.56 miles a day

Sound sleep: 4 hrs 32 mins

Light sleep: 3 hrs 34 mins

Total sleep: 8 hrs 6 mins

Total time active: 1 hr 28 mins

Alice and Justin both work from home which Justin thinks helps them to share jobs equally

Alice and Justin both work from home which Justin thinks helps them to share jobs equally

JUSTIN SAYS: As we both work from home, I think there is a reasonably fair division of labour. I happily do school runs, empty the dishwasher and iron my own shirts. I also work — the financial markets open at 8am, but company news starts at 7am and often I’ll begin reading world news at least an hour before while Alice is snoozing away.

She seems to forget that I am responsible for our large and overgrown garden, plus the house maintenance. I honestly don’t think she realises quite how much I do.

Yes, I play golf and tennis a couple of times a week, but unlike so many fathers I am always there to help out with the children and there is a huge amount of driving to be done ferrying them to clubs and playdates.

I usually fall asleep at 11pm, shattered.

I welcome the chance to see who is the most tired out of the pair of us. Let’s put an end to the eye-rolling forever. Game on.

JUSTIN'S RESULTS: 

Number of steps each day: 14,739

Distance travelled: 7.25 miles a day

Sound sleep: 3 hrs 51 mins

Light sleep: 2 hrs 25 mins

Total slept: 6 hrs 16 mins

Total time active: 2 hrs 7 mins

VERDICT: Most exhausted is Justin

ALICE’S RESPONSE: I am highly irritated by the results. Justin is clearly — and I am prepared to concede defeat here — doing a lot more than me. I would like to point out, however, that he can walk thousands of steps playing a round of golf, while I am stuck to the computer on a deadline.

However, I hadn’t realised how little he is sleeping and I suppose, hands grudgingly held up, he is the most tired. I’ll never hear the end of this.

JUSTIN’S RESPONSE: I am saying nothing. It would be foolish if, indeed, suicidal of me to gloat.

Buying our telly was so exhausting

Writers Clare Campbell, 59, and Christy, 62, have been married for 36 years and live in South-West London with their 18-year-old son, Joseph. They also have twin adult daughters, who are 35.

Clare Campbell and her husband Christy. She says they have been battling for years over who is the most exhausted

Clare Campbell and her husband Christy. She says they have been battling for years over who is the most exhausted

CLARE SAYS: This competition has been running for 35 years in our house ever since the twins were born.

The rivalry runs to a familiar script ‘You don’t know the day I’ve had’, which is an instant cue for the other person to interrupt with their own tale of exhaustion and drudgery.

After all these years, I am in no doubt of being the overall tiredness champion.

Yes, we work from home and Christy does the gardening, some shopping and cooking.

Clare and Christy also work from home. She says that he spends a suspicious amount of time at his desk and doesn't think he is doing work

Clare and Christy also work from home. She says that he spends a suspicious amount of time at his desk and doesn't think he is doing work

But he also spends hours at his desk, where he claims to be working. How much of this is real activity? Compare that to the time I spend running up and down stairs, washing, ironing and cleaning. I am also in charge of all household admin and the sole cat feeder. No wonder I’m totally exhausted.

I am oddly looking forward to proving how tired I really am. I might even give myself a holiday at the end of it.

CLARE'S RESULTS: 

Number of steps each day: 5,445

Distance travelled: 2.42 miles

Sound sleep: 4 hrs 19 mins

Light sleep: 3 hrs 27 mins

Total slept: 7 hrs 46 mins

Total active: 1 hr 49 mins

CHRISTY SAYS: Tired? You think you’re tired! Well just what do you think I’ve had to do today? There’s no more familiar cry on the marital battleground.

They say mismatched moods make for domestic discord, but competitive exhaustion is an even bigger trigger. When you’ve got enough energy left to have a row, that is.

Yes, Clare works hard, but so do I. She will moan at me to turn off the TV and ‘do something’, but forget it was me who selected, bought and installed the thing in the first place — after an exhausting trip to the superstore.

These details are often forgotten in our house.

I must confess to being a more-tired-than-you moaner while bagging the domestic tasks that I secretly enjoy. Will I be exposed as a fraud? I am about to find out.

Christy thinks competitive exhaustion makes for a marital battleground

Christy thinks competitive exhaustion makes for a marital battleground

CHRISTY'S RESULTS: 

Number of steps each day: 2,666

Distance travelled: 1.37 miles

Sound sleep: 5 hrs 41 mins

Light sleep: 1 hr 2 mins

Total slept: 6 hrs 43 mins

Total active: 23 minutes

Clare says she feels vindicated that she came out as the most tired because she has always felt she is the most active 

Clare says she feels vindicated that she came out as the most tired because she has always felt she is the most active 

VERDICT: Most exhausted is Clare

CLARE’S RESPONSE: Though Christy sleeps less than me, he’s a much deeper sleeper — which is a result of his laid-back nature.

Also, I am undeniably the most active of the two of us. It was a closer run than I imagined, but I feel vindicated.

CHRISTY’S RESPONSE: This makes it looks as if I’m a total idler, which is really unfair. But do I have any right to complain about doing too much? Certainly not. Must do more around the house.

JAWBONE, £99, jawbone.com.

 

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