Hottest Jokes Today

The World-Famous Sickipedia Newsletter

Want to be kept up to date on the latest jokes, news and the rest of the shit that's happening on Sickipedia?

Join the newsletter now and get it all sent to your inbox!

I went into the library and asked if they had a copy of the book, "How to spot a lady-boy".
He said, "I'm sure we do, it's probably tucked away somewhere".
I said "That's the one".
My 12 year old son got home from school and he was very upset,

"I got a Valentines day card today dad, " he told me.

"Well that's nothing to be upset about, I would be chuffed if it were me, " I replied.

"It was off Father O'Malley, " he replied.
Click Here For More From Today

Random 5!

My 11 year old son got caught fingering a girl called Sarah at his school today.

My wife said to me, "You need to have a serious talk with him."

I said, "Don't be stupid, he's a lad, We've all done it!"

She said, "What do you mean?"

I said, "She's easy."
Dizzee Rascal - I don't think you are Bonkers. I think you are a cunt and the only reason you are free is because some idiots abolished slavery in the 1800.
Now back to the field with you.
I swapped my wife's parachute around with her backpack.
Now when the bitch goes on her stupid camping holiday, all she will have is a parachute.
Click Here For More Random Jokes

Hottest Jokes This Week

You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn't that bad. It's kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
Click Here For More From This Week

Hottest Jokes This Month

Heard that 15,000 CCTV cameras are being installed in Delhi for Obama's visit.

This is ridiculous.

Just because he's black doesn't mean he'll steal anything.
My flat mate just said, "Oh that annoying cunt from Coronation Street has died".

47 guesses later I got it right.
TV > Soap
I was at a job interview today.

The interviewer said to me, "On your CV, it says that you are a man of mystery."

I said, "That's correct."

He said, "Would you like to elaborate?"

I said, "No."
Click Here For More From This Month

Newest Jokes Today

Finally got round to lining up Barbara Streisand, Mel Brooks, David Schwimmer, Dustin Hoffman, Ben Stiller, and Larry David and throwing a ball high in the air beyond them. It was way overdue...
Hi ladies, Have you heard about the new trend thats straight out of all the glamorous celebrities in Hollywood?
Its about not focusing on that 50 shades of gray shit and instead practice on your ass to mouth skills.
Patiently waiting eventually the letterbox opened and an envelope came through! Could this be the girl ive longed for? Has she realized that i am the man of her dreams? As i open it my hands are a quiver! YES!! Its a valentines card! My heart is racing! My arms are shaking! Could this be? Have at last are hearts joined as one? .............Have they fuck!

Happy Valentines Day from Gala Bingo!
So I walked into the library and said to the girl "oi you, any fawkin books on coming off viagra then!?"

She said "shhh, try and keep it down"

I said "yeah that's the one"
My wife wants me to give up my second job as an escape artist but my hands are tied.
Every year my mate gets hundreds of Valentines Cards, I just cant understand why, Hes not that good looking, and hes only a Postman.
I couldn't help but name my son after my favourite TV character despite all of my friends saying I would regret it.

Welcome to the world Walt Junior.
I hid in the wardrobe naked, and at the point my fiance sat on the bed I leapt out and thrust myself upon her and satisfied her needs until she screamed and screamed.

Anyway long story short I've now been banned from Ikea.
Click Here For More From Today