‘Finally, as many candles as chins’ read my birthday cake icing
MONDAY, MARCH 9
Arsenal knocked Manchester United out of the FA Cup tonight and I received a charming tweet after the game from United fan Eamonn Holmes.
‘Final thought @piersmorgan from the Great Man himself,’ he wrote.
‘His words, not mine, he just asked me to pass them on.’
I received a charming tweet after the game from United fan Eamonn Holmes. Attached was a photo of Sir Alex Ferguson flicking a V-sign with the headline: ‘F*** OFF!’
Attached was a photo of Sir Alex Ferguson – with whom Eamonn had been seen chatting at the game – flicking a V-sign with the headline: ‘F*** OFF!’
This brought me almost as much pleasure as the result itself.
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 11
My daughter’s paediatrician threw a party at his Los Angeles home tonight, for a global charity called Safe Kids, which advises parents on how to prevent avoidable accidents with their children.
Dr Peter, as he’s known, treats almost every famous person’s child in Hollywood, and his surgery walls are thus crammed with thank-you notes from myriad stars including the Beckhams, Elton John, Rod Stewart and Sylvester Stallone.
Sharon Stone made a passionate speech, telling the story of how she recently watched one of her three young adopted sons fall down the stairs at her LA home.
‘In that moment, my heart stopped, and I screamed in terror. I experienced every parent’s nightmare,’ she said. ‘Fortunately, he was OK. But other parents are not so lucky.’
As she finished, Sharon stared straight at me across the crowded room and said: ‘You should do something on your show about it!’
‘Who, me?’ I replied.
‘Yes, Piers, YOU!’
‘I don’t have a show any more, Sharon,’ I replied, as the other guests, who included Mark Wahlberg and Tom Arnold, burst out laughing.
‘You don’t?’
‘I don’t.’
‘You’re done at CNN?’
‘I’m done at CNN. Ten months ago in fact.’
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An awkward silence pervaded the room.
Nobody likes the stench of defeatist failure in Hollywood. It might be contagious.
‘But I’m working on getting a new show, obviously,’ I gabbled.
‘Obviously!’ Sharon replied. ‘So when you do, do something on that one!’
Drew Barrymore stepped forward to say a few words.
Last year, she pulled out of a big interview with me, at the very last minute, and I hadn’t seen her since.
‘I might still have a show if you hadn’t cancelled on me!’ I joked.
‘I know, I know,’ she giggled. ‘I’m sorry about that, Piers! But I did send you some nice flowers to apologise.’
‘You did, and they were the nicest flowers any celebrity’s ever sent me.’
Pause.
‘Well, apart from Kim Kardashian’s – they were way bigger.’
Drew looked like she wanted to throw ME down some stairs.
It was a fun night, for a great charity. Its website is safekids.org.
MONDAY, MARCH 16
Advertising tycoon Sir Martin Sorrell has sparked outrage over his £36 million pay package.
It’s so depressingly British to whine about a man who took a massive risk to start his own company, WPP, and then turned it into one of the most successful of its type in the world.
In America, Sorrell’s salary would be seen as a fitting reward for his phenomenal success. Here, everyone’s just infuriated he’s so successful.
I recently interviewed Sir Martin and he spoke about everything from the global economy to online innovation and war in Ukraine with a clarity and intelligence I’ve rarely encountered from any businessman.
He’s getting paid £36 million because WPP comfortably exceeded every financial target, crushed its rivals, and saw its share price soar.
That means thousands of people who work for him have also cashed in, as have tens of thousands of investors.
And Sir Martin’s done it with integrity, hard work and inspirational leadership.
So let’s stop the damn moaning and doff our caps to the man.
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 25
Zayn Malik’s decision to quit One Direction doesn’t entirely surprise me.
When I interviewed the band a year ago for a YouTube special, he’d just had a large gun tattooed on to his hip.
When I asked him why, he smirked cockily like Sonny Corleone in The Godfather and replied: ‘Because I like the way it looks.’
Add young Mr Malik’s predilection for partying, booze and groupies, and it was clear his lifestyle was becoming increasingly incompatible with the necessarily angelic world of a teeny-bopper pop idol.
He’s now opted for the Robbie Williams rebel solo plan, which may or may not work.
One thing’s for sure though, Zayn will miss the other members of One Direction and the comfort and protection of being in a band.
The runaways always do.
Send your Twitter questions about the rich, famous and infamous to @piersmorgan using the hashtag #askpiers – and every week I’ll answer the most amusing
SATURDAY, MARHC 28
Started my year of extensive 50th-birthday celebrations in Hollywood tonight with a dinner party at the appropriately infamous Chateau Marmont hotel.
Gary Lineker conspired with several others to have a cake made featuring my spoof semi-naked Burger King ad photo from a few years back, in which I posed wearing nothing but a loincloth and medallion.
‘Finally, as many candles as chins,’ read the iced wording.
Bruno Tonioli gasped in delight when he saw it.
‘I can’t wait to get my teeth into THAT!’ he declared.
I froze in horror.
‘The CAKE, darling!’ he clarified. ‘Not your TORSO!’
MONDAY, MARCH 30
My birthday. As Coco Chanel once said: ‘Nature gives you the face you have at 20, life shapes the face you have at 30. But at 50, you get the face you deserve.’
I’m happy with mine – mainly because I’ve had such pleasure earning it.
![FROM ITV\\n\\nSTRICT EMBARGO - NO USE BEFORE SUNDAY 5 APRIL 2015 \\n\\nCoronation Street - Ep 8617\\n\\nMonday 13 April 2015 - 2nd Ep\\n\\nOnce inside No.8, Sarah Platt [TINA O'BRIEN] and Callum Logan [SEAN WARD] tear at each other¿s clothes and kiss passionately. As Sarah and Callum head upstairs, David, Max and Bethany arrive.\\n\\nPicture contact: david.crook@itv.com on 0161 952 6214\\n\\nPhotographer - Mark Bruce\\n\\nThis photograph is (C) ITV Plc and can only be reproduced for editorial purposes directly in connection with the programme or event mentioned above, or ITV plc. Once made available by ITV plc Picture Desk, this photograph can be reproduced once only up until the transmission [TX] date and no reproduction fee will be charged. Any subsequent usage may incur a fee. This photograph must not be manipulated [excluding basic cropping] in a manner which alters the visual appearance of the person photographed deemed detrimental or inappropriate by ITV plc Picture Desk. This](http://web.archive.org/web/20150405191744im_/http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/04/05/16/274E189300000578-0-image-m-71_1428247495980.jpg)
![FROM ITV\n\nSTRICT EMBARGO - NO USE BEFORE SUNDAY 5 APRIL 2015 \n\nEmmerdale - Ep 7156\n\nTuesday 14 April 2015\n\nJames Barton [BILL WARD] bumps into Emma Barton [GILLIAN KEARNEY] and admits he¿s had an argument with Chas, Emma almost can¿t contain her delight. With Emma determined to meddle further, inviting him back for a drink, James is soon falling for her manipulative ways.\n\nPicture contact: david.crook@itv.com on 0161 952 6214\n\nPhotographer -Amy Brammall\n\nThis photograph is (C) ITV Plc and can only be reproduced for editorial purposes directly in connection with the programme or event mentioned above, or ITV plc. Once made available by ITV plc Picture Desk, this photograph can be reproduced once only up until the transmission [TX] date and no reproduction fee will be charged. Any subsequent usage may incur a fee. This photograph must not be manipulated [excluding basic cropping] in a manner which alters the visual appearance of the person photographed deemed detrimental](http://web.archive.org/web/20150405191744im_/http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/04/05/18/2749328900000578-0-image-m-31_1428253646788.jpg)
