Mom of Baylee Almon in Oklahoma City bombing photo speaks about the horror 20 years on

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It is 20 years since the worst case of homegrown terrorism in US history
Timothy McVeigh killed 168 people with bomb in Oklahoma City in 1995
Terror was encapsulated by photo of a firefighter carrying a lifeless baby
That baby was Baylee Almon, who had turned one the day before
Nearing what would have been her 21st birthday, her mother Aren Almon-Kok tells DailyMail.com how she marks Baylee's birthday every year
But says she will never get over the pain of seeing that photograph
She is still in touch with the firefighter who was pictured with the baby

By Mia De Graaf For Dailymail.com

Published: 11:13 EST, 16 April 2015 | Updated: 08:11 EST, 17 April 2015

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Baylee Almon should be gearing up for her first legal drink on Saturday.

Probably at college, probably able to drive, she should be toasting the next phase of her life with her mother, stepfather, brother, sister and cousins at home in leafy Choctaw, Oklahoma.

But no, she was one of 19 toddlers killed in a daycare center on April 19, 1995, in the worst case of homegrown terrorism America has ever seen, the day after her first birthday.

The Oklahoma City bombing, planted by veteran US Army soldier Timothy McVeigh, killed 168 American people.

One photograph encapsulated the terror: a firefighter emerging from the burning wreckage cradling the lifeless body of Baylee Almon.

Her 23-year-old single mother saw the picture on the front page of the local paper the next day. A day later, it had swept the world.

Two decades on, the shock is still raw.

One photograph encapsulated the terror: a firefighter, Chris Fields, emerging from the burning wreckage cradling the lifeless body of Baylee Almon

'It doesn't get easier': Aren Almon-Kok, pictured at the memorial for her daughter Baylee, who was killed in the Oklahoma City bombing of 1995 the day after her first birthday

Then a 23-year-old single mother, Aren saw the picture of her lifeless daughter on the front page of the local paper the next day. A day later it was on the cover of newspapers across the world

Painful: Aren said she learns to deal with the grief but the milestones get more difficult every year. Baylee (pictured) had just turned one when Aren dropped her off at a daycare center before going to work

Remembering: Aren and her family throw a party for Baylee on her birthday every year

Horrific: Aren describes how she searched for hours for Baylee until eventually, in St Anthony's Hospital, she was approached by a priest and a pediatrician who delivered the devastating news

'It gets harder every year,' Aren Almon-Kok told DailyMail.com from her home on the outskirts of Oklahoma City, where she lives with her husband and two children.

'People say "it’ll get easier" or "you’ll find closure". I don’t think it does, and I don’t think I will.

'I had to see Baylee dead every day. No one should ever have to see that.

'You learn to deal with it differently, but every year the milestones are worse.

’Sixteen was hard. Twenty-one is the worst. Everything I missed, everything I didn’t get to be part of. I’m trying not to think about it.’

As the 20-year anniversary approaches, many still feel betrayed and bemused by the attackers, who branded themselves patriots.

Sixteen was hard. Twenty-one is the worst. Everything I missed, everything I didn’t get to be part of. I’m trying not to think about it.

Unlike Dzokhar Tsarnaev and the 9/11 hijackers, Timothy McVeigh had fought for his country in the Gulf War.

Parking a rented Ryder truck loaded with explosives outside the Alfred P Murrah building that morning was his way of attacking the 'tyrannical' federal government.

He told a court he wanted revenge for the 76 lives lost in a fire at the Waco barracks in Texas, exactly two years earlier, when the FBI ham-handedly tried to expel intruders.

He was executed in 2001, and his co-conspirator Terry Nichols, now 60, remains in jail serving 161 life sentences.

Even before investigators identified the American perpetrators, the country was struggling to understand the concept of terrorism in Oklahoma City.

When the building exploded at 9.01am, Mrs Almon-Kok thought it was construction work.

But word soon reached her office, and she spent the next two hours scouring hospitals for her only child.

Eventually, sitting in the crammed waiting room at St Anthony’s Hospital, she was approached by a pediatrician and a priest who delivered the news.

She didn’t know aspiring photojournalist Charles Porter had captured the moment Baylee was carried from the building, her pink socks stained red from the shards of glass, in a picture that would go on to win a Pulitzer Prize.

'I was very young at the time, I was 23,' she said. 'My parents saw the picture on the paper the next morning and tried to hide it from me. I came downstairs looking for something to read and they said "we didn’t get any mail today".

'I knew that was ridiculous, we always got the paper. So I went looking around for it and, yes, as soon as I saw it I said, "that’s Baylee".

The aftermath of the Oklahoma City bombing in 1995

The Oklahoma City bombing, planted by veteran US Army soldier Timothy McVeigh, killed 168 people

It was the worst case of homegrown terrorism America has ever seen, and shook the nation

Unlike Dzokhar Tsarnaev and the 9/11 hijackers, Timothy McVeigh had fought for his country in the Gulf War

Then-President Bill Clinton responded to the attack days later with one of his most famous speeches: 'The loss you feel must not paralyze your own lives.’

Then-First Lady Hillary Clinton holds her face in distress at the ceremony to remember the dead in 1995

'For some reason I thought I would know if my daughter was going to be on the front page. It was strange, it was horrible.

'Everybody else saw it as fiction - she wasn’t a person. They made money off it like she wasn’t real.'

To the Almon-Kok family, she is very much still with them.

Aren Almon met Army veteran Stanley Kok through a friend soon after the attack. They married in 1997, and together they have two children: Bella, 17, and Brooks, 13.

Every year they throw a birthday party in Baylee’s honor, with a cake and a family meal.

Bella and Brooks know they are two of three siblings.

'My husband has been really great, he has always been supportive of what I've been through and to him, Baylee is part of our life together.

People say "it will get easier" or "you will find closure". I don’t think it does, and I don’t think I will. I had to see Baylee dead every day

'My kids have always known that they have a sister and that she went to heaven, so they expect us to celebrate her birthday like we do theirs.

'For them, the picture is painful too.

'Bella did a paper at school the other day about commercials and how they use images. One of the photographs they were given was that picture.

'She just dealt with it the best way she can. That’s her sister, she knows what happened. So to see that picture, that hurts.'

Nonetheless, the family has been the subject of scrutiny, anger and at times hatred in the wake of the attacks.

With her child the 'face' of the tragedy, other grieving families felt Aren Almon and the firefighter, Chris Fields, stole the limelight from their loved ones who paled into oblivion.

During the barrage of media attention, the pair grew a bond, which remains today - and it was erroneously assumed they had become romantically involved.

'We do still see each other, Chris and his wife have been very supportive, they are such good people. But they won't be coming to the ceremony, they keep themselves out of that stuff.

'That whole thing was difficult, and just something else you have to learn how to deal with.'

Consequently, Almon-Kok is apprehensive about this year’s 20-year anniversary ceremony.

'We don’t all have something in common just because we lost a child,' she explains.

Tough: Aren has been the subject of scrutiny, anger and at times hatred in the wake of the attacks

Aren Almon met Army veteran Stanley Kok through a friend soon after the attack. They married in 1997, and together they have two children: Bella, 17, and Brooks, 13

Difficulty for all of them: Aren said her children (pictured) know that they are two of three siblings

Other grieving families felt Aren Almon and the firefighter, Chris Fields, stole the limelight from their loved ones who paled into oblivion after the photograph received so much attention (pictured: the memorial)

'I know after the bombing the other families didn’t like me, and I’m not looking forward to that.

'I have just always tried to represent myself the best way possible because when Baylee’s looking down at me from heaven I want her to be proud of the things I have done.

'I didn’t want any of this, to see Baylee dead everywhere every day, but that’s just the way it happened.'

Between the ages of 23 and 43, Almon-Kok, has dedicated herself to ensuring daycare centers are fully secure.

Congressional bill number HR 4159, or 'Baylee’s Law', became law in 2000 to ensure a standard of glass protection in public buildings.

McVeigh had enlisted his co-conspirators to build a car bomb that would shatter the windows of the building - a horrific detail that severely impacted the force of the explosion.

When Baylee’s looking down at me I want her to be proud of the things I have done

It took weeks to find an attorney to represent Timothy McVeigh after he was coincidentally detained during a traffic stop 45 minutes after the attack.

Eventually, Stephen Jones agreed to defend his actions ’to ensure he had a fair trial’.

Speaking this week, Jones conceded: 'We all remember what we were doing. It is the Pearl Harbor Day of Oklahoma.

'This was a scar and never-ending wrong that affected not only Oklahoma City and the people there but the nation at large,' he told Tulsa Rotary.

Then-President Bill Clinton responded to the attack days later with one of his most famous speeches: 'The loss you feel must not paralyze your own lives.’

Indeed, Oklahomans earned a reputation for compassion in the wake of the bombing - a sense of charity that came to be known as 'The Oklahoma Standard'.

On Sunday, in a ceremony held at 9.01am at the site of the attack, President Barack Obama and city officials will lead tributes to the city’s resilience, and read out the names of the 168 people who lost their lives.

And the picture of Chris Fields holding Baylee will be shown.

Though heart-wrenching for her, she says she is attempting to compartmentalize it.

’If I saw Baylee every time I looked at that photograph, I wouldn’t be able to get past that. I wouldn’t be able to carry on,’ she said.

'To me, basically, I try to see that picture as something which represents everybody who died in that bombing. It’s everybody’s baby.'