Project babymoon: Sun, sea and pre-parenthood pampering in the Canaries

By Emily Payne for MailOnline

Published: 10:35 EST, 23 May 2013 | Updated: 03:04 EST, 28 May 2013

The babymoon: designed to give a mother-to-be her last breaths of zen before being hurled dramatically into a sea of nappies, screaming and zombie-inducing sleepless nights.

Initially, I'd thought of far flung adventures to Vietnam, Brazil or the North Pole. But there are various things to bear in mind while pregnant.

I was less concerned about giving birth at 30,000 ft, more the cumbersomeness, hot-and-bothered lethargy of pregnancy which sadly doesn't allow for motorbike rides, skidoos, or samba-dancing at 4am.

No, this babymoon would be a soft, fluffy buffer to prepare me for impending motherhood.

Before two become three: Emily and boyfriend Rich enjoy the peace of Gran Canaria

Before I have even disembarked my flight to Gran Canaria, I face some unwanted 'preparation'  when the child next to me lurches forward to release a barrage of regurgitated lunch all over my shoe.

Despite now resembling a bloated Emperor penguin, I am not yet ready for the delights of other peoples' bodily fluids in confined spaces. 

Thankfully, I have come to this island, like many Britons before me, to bathe in the quiet of year-round sunshine, African breezes, minerally-clad sea water and some heavy duty pampering. It's not long before the incident is forgotten.

With me, is my partner, Rich. I'd imagined us having meaningful conversations over candle-lit dinners, staring into each other's eyes and reminiscing about when we first met - this being our last chance for romance before two becomes three.

But when we arrive at the sumptuous Seaside Palm Beach hotel in Maspalomas, it's barbecue night, and he has other plans. During dinner, by the pool, on the beautifully subdued terrace on a cool, balmy evening, he heartily consumes six types of meat in near silence.

Pre-baby bliss: Emily enjoys the peaceful pool at the Seaside Palm Beach hotel in Maspalomas

I wake early to the cooing of wood pigeons and the gentle clatter of someone else making breakfast. Maspalomas is beautiful. The hotel is built around thousand-year-old palms, and runs alongside a protected nature reserve where sand dunes peak high above a long, easy beach. 

Unlike its near neighbour, Playa del Ingles, where bawdy discotheques crawl with youngsters drinking fluorescent alcopops, it has a classy sheen, which gets classier still as you walk down the seafront boulevard, past an old lighthouse to Costa Meloneras.

In the morning, we sit alone in the dunes, far from the tanning crowds. The rolling waves usher me into a meditative state: Childbirth will be a breeze, I lie to myself.

But the peace is disturbed by a topless, be-thonged septuagenarian sitting in the sand next to me. This part of the island is very popular with Germans. English prudity on red alert, we make a move.

I am calmed with a mum-to-be massage at the Palm Beach - every hotel here seems to specialise in different kinds of treatments and it's possible to hop from one to another to be spruced and polished.

Calming: Maspalomas' famous sand dunes

Luckily, I have not yet reached the lower back-grabbing stage of pregnancy, but I'm grateful for the attention on the areas taking the strain of my expanding waist. The masseuse spends a luxurious amount of time undoing tension in my neck and back as I lie on my side. This is about as close to heaven as you can get at 31.3 weeks.

Rich goes for a Pantai Luar treatment, in which medical herbs in cotton bags are heated to 120C and used for a deep tissue massage in fast movements.

Afterwards, he ponders: 'Sometimes as a father, I am going to face things which might make me feel a little uncomfortable, so being rubbed down by a man with his two balls (of fabric) is good preparation.'

We take a gentle boat trip to Mogan, an area famous for mangoes, papayas and having the most sunshine on the island, bypassing Puerto Rico, famous for its Irish bars and rows of apartment blocks creeping way up to the horizon.

In front of us, a couple argue about their teenage daughter in agitated whispers. I make out the words 'nightmare' and 'boyfriend'. All these joys are to come, I think, as junior furiously kicks my ribs. 

In Mogan, the hotels are set back from the beach, the shoreline reserved for a sunny port, with appealing curio shops and a refreshing lack of pubs blaring out the Chelsea game.

It is here that I embark on a submarine tour, not something I ever thought I'd be doing at seven months pregnant, but still, I'm assured it's perfectly safe. Womb-like even.

Once submerged under 25 metres of water, a siren goes off and an automated voice echoes: 'Warning! We are now approaching an area of high current'.

Mogan is a charming seaside town which is less built up than its neighbour, Puerto Rico

A red light flashes and several passengers look furtively around for an escape route that doesn't exist. I blame so-called 'baby brain' for not working out that this is all part of the 'fun' but I realise this is tenuous. Perhaps I should stick to facials.

Hotel Cordial Mogan is built on the site of a former plant nursery, so between its rooms sprout 250 plant species from around the world. It's the kind of hotel that would be ideal for families, as everything you need is on the doorstep. I make a mental note.

I'm here for a future mums treatment, which combines exfoliation with massage. After being coated in a sea salt mud, I am left for twenty minutes. The reality of this is mildly less euphoric than it sounds, due to having a bladder the size of a kumquat these days.

I try to practice some yogic breathing to take my mind off the trickling water soundtrack, and debate getting up to go to the loo wearing nothing but immodest paper knickers and a slathering of blue slime. I decide to spare everyone's embarrassment. Such are the quandaries of impending motherhood.

Costa Meloneras is fast becoming the haunt of Gran Canaria's chicest sun worshippers, and the
Lopsan Villa del Conde Resort and Corallium Thalasso is home to the kind of majestic spa that makes you feel like a princess, albeit one a little portlier than the Disney ideal.

The final fling: Emily Payne makes the most of her last few weeks of freedom before motherhood

The Ocean View Suites are private jacuzzi rooms with massage tables and sea view infinity pools. It's impossibly glamorous. Rich and I are given a tandem massage, during which all sorts of crashing and crumpling noises come from his side of the room.

It turns out he is being wrapped up in Aloe Vera, which he later observes makes his skin as smooth as a baby's bottom. I have a mothers-to-be-treatment, with smooth movements to alleviate discomforts and improve blood circulation. It's dreamy.

We lunch on a private terrace perched on the cliff edge. It's a real luxury to have so much sea air to ourselves, and to sip a health-giving fruit smoothie, in the comfort of a bath robe. Sadly, I can't imagine this is something which will feature much in my daily routine back home.

At the Gloria Palace Amadores Thalasso & Hotel, where I am booked in for my last treatments, a manicure and a caviar facial, our host Oscar Calle rhapsodises about the benefits of sea salt for health. 'Sea water has everything,' he says, and I flush at his outrageous handsomeness.

'We often see pregnant women bathing in the sea here, my mother did the same for each of her six children'. If the other five are this good-looking she was obviously doing something right. I look over at Rich, who is now midway through a gut-busting hamburger.

It's not just the spa treatments which leave me feeling refreshed and surprisingly light for a child-bearing heifer. This island, it's beaches, mountains and therapeutic sea water have provided the perfect babymoon.

And judging by the encouraging kicks from within, Payne junior thinks so too.

Travel Facts

Seven nights at Seaside Palm Beach Hotel in May costs from £770 (910€) and in June from £729 (861 €) per person, based on two people sharing a double room on a half board basis.
To make a reservation please visit hotel-palm-beach.co.uk or call + 34 928 72 10 32

For more information on Gran Canaria, see grancanariawellness.com.