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Who's wedding is it anyway? The bride and her mother escape the pre-wedding mayhem and head to a spa

By Bel Mooney and Kitty Dimbleby
Updated: 20:18 EST, 7 October 2009

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Kitty Dimbleby, 29, and her mother Bel Mooney, 62, the Mail's advice columnist, are co-writing a column charting the ups and downs to Kitty's wedding later this month. This week, it's time to de-stress before the big day.

Stressed: Kitty Dimbleby desperately needed a break from pre-wedding nightmares

Kitty says:

I heard them before I rounded the corner, the sound of diggers and men yelling that can mean only one thing - road works. And there they were, in front of the beautiful church I am getting married at in ten days.

Machinery, rubble, noise and a sign apologising for the delay while road works commence for three weeks, THREE WEEKS!

Even the steps up to the church are fenced off. This, I had not anticipated.

A few frantic calls to the council later, and I am slightly reassured by their promise that the road works will have moved down the hill before the day.

But my stress levels are now through roof and that was on top of chasing final RSVPs, working out dietary requirements and wet weather contingency plans - it is all as time-consuming as it is relentless.

Then there are the post-wedding anxieties to think about - moving into Army quarters and my husband's chosen career. I could not be more proud of him, but I know it won't be easy.

So there has been a lot on my mind and I know it worries Mum. So I decided to surprise her and organise a trip away for us to recharge - a chance to detox as well as take time out to talk.

At this stage, I think all mother-and-daughter wedding teams need a break. Because Mum is giving me the wedding of my dreams, I decided I should treat her.

I learnt about a company called wellbeing escapes (wellbeingescapes.co.uk) which specialises in spa and wellbeing holidays. Breaks include 'Stress management holidays' - perfect for us.

I chose the SHA wellness clinic mainly for its location. We had only five days free so a short flight to Spain was by far the best option.

But when we landed in Alicante it was raining, and my heart sank. Thankfully, once inside the hotel, it didn't seem to matter so much - we swam (indoors) and while relaxing in the steam room I could almost see the tension - and post hen-do wine fumes - leave both of us.

Over the surprisingly delicious macrobiotic meals we talked about everything, sometimes forgetting to mention the wedding for minutes at a time.

On the third day, the sun came out and we sat together on the rooftop terrace soaking in the views and sun's rays and suddenly it all seemed manageable. I could see it was the same for Mum. It was just what we needed and we returned to the UK rejuvenated (and with a hint of a tan).

Ed is thrilled with his new, improved chilled out fiancee and I am feeling more ready for the wedding than ever before. Oh and all that macrobiotic food? Both Mum and I dropped pounds without even trying. A definite de-stresser for us both!

Memo to daughters: Remember to look after your mum, you might just find it helps both of you.

Pangs: Bel Mooney realised the time had come to let go of Kitty

Bel says:

There we were, strolling through the narrow streets of Altea, on Spain's Costa Blanca.

It was the fourth day of our detox, but so far we hadn't been outside the hotel, and since they push herbal tea not alcohol there, we hadn't been tempted.

But at 7pm, on a glorious late evening, people were lounging at cafe tables, quaffing beer and wine. 'What I wouldn't give for a drink,' sighed Kitty. 'Me too,' I replied.

There was a silence, then those invisible hen party devil's horns sprouted from my forehead and I whispered: 'We could, y'know - just the one. Nobody would know.' 'But we would know' said Kitty stoutly. 'You're right,' I groaned.

That's when I got it. My daughter hasn't been transformed into Bridezilla. Instead, she's become the mature half of this mother-daughter team - the one who knows that when you say you're going to detox, you might as well stick to it.

So, instead, we found a quirky (and cheap) boutique and had a little retail therapy. We were on a de-stress programme which involved a medical assessment, massage, meditation, a seaweed wrap, Pilates and so on. Kitty thought I needed it, and knew she did.

We'd have four days of eating healthy macrobiotic food, not drinking and just chilling out. I went to a lecture on stress, and a macrobiotic cookery lesson, and felt better than I have in a while.

We lazed around, read, exchanged confidences and laughed, and talked about the wedding, naturally. But being away from home put it all into perspective.

I slept properly for the first time in weeks. Kitty and I have had 'girlie' holidays before but I found myself wondering if we will again, once she's married.

In the cool sparseness of that new hotel, I came face to face with a warm, old, complicated thought: I want my little girl to be happy but I don't want to let her go. She's leaned on me all her life, but now she must turn first to her husband. How many mothers will recognise my pang at the thought?

In the meditation class I sneaked a peek at her. I knew she couldn't possibly empty her mind, it's like a swarm of bees. Our teacher told us to stop worrying about past and future and focus on the 'now'. That's all very well, but what if the 'now' is preparing for a big fat British wedding?

When our short break was over we stood among the crowds at Alicante airport, Kitty trying frantically to sort out our tickets among bad-tempered people, and I felt my stress levels rise.

Surely all the good wasn't going to be undone? 'Live in the moment' I told myself, echoing the meditation teacher.

But what do you do if 'the moment' is grim? I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, reflecting: 'This is so horrible, everything that's coming will be so much more wonderful in contrast.'