What’s most important? What we do or how we do it?

May 31, 2015 by zeth / / 0 Comments

I’ve been listening to a podcast called ‘The Nerdist Podcast’ (or ‘Nerdist Podcast’), where the comedian Chris Pratt interviews different celebrities. 75% of the podcasts are entertaining, according to my opinion. But I heard this one show, where Will Ferrell was the guest. And at one point Will said, that he never wanted to read of see his own reviews. He said, that it wouldn’t change what he did and how he did it anyways. I kind of like that, and kind of don’t.

Here’s why I agree with it: There will always be someone who disagrees with what you do, and usually the majority of those people will tell you, why you’re an idiot doing what you do. I think that Will is absolutely right, that those people should just shut up, for a variety of reason.

But here’s why I kind of don’t agree with Will’s statement: It must be a factor, how the audience to our actions respond to them. Since we do live in an environment and our actions are measured according to that environment. If we don’t consider the environment as a part of the equation, but only listen to our selfs, then who are we doing it for? Of course, are we doing it for our selfs. That’s a given. And as much as people claim it, then all actions have an effect on the person/thing doing the action – Newton’s third law, if you want to be romantic about it. Actually it’s quite an interesting way of considering it, if we look at it from Newton’s law’s point of view. In order to move something, then a power with the equal force will be sent in the opposit direction. Huh! That it really interesting. Here’s how I think about it: If a person want to stop smoking, then the force/power/effort put into the project will have to be transferred from a different source. One doesn’t simply change, without it having an effect on something or someone else. 

I would like for this blogpost to end here, since I think the abovewritten observation is really interesting. I won’t dig deeper into Will’s statement. I will agree with Will, though – since a critique is somehow who is paid to have an opinion. So then the most famous critiques are those with the wildest opinions, which doesn’t make them right (quite the opposite, actually – if you ask me). 

Presence

May 31, 2015 by zeth / / 0 Comments

I’m curious about, how this blog-post is gonna go. I must admit – I’m in a terrible mood. The past couple of days have had quite a few ups and downs. And last night somehow did it. It made me so furious, that it was the last thing I thought of when I fell a sleep, and the first thing I thought of, when I woke up. I don’t know what this blog is going to be about – but I figured, that it will at least be about things that have an effect on me or my thoughts about it. 

Before I start my rampage on, how unfair and stupid the world is (yup – I get really pathetic, when I’m upset), then I would like to ask myself this question: Am I’m writing this blogpost to be confirmed in my opinions and thoughts about what I’m angry at? Or am I writing this blogpost to learn about aspects or things that I haven’t seen before. Answer: I hope I’m doing it to learn, since I’m not a supporter of the other way of having a dialog. And yes – I consider this a dialog. Simply between me and me. 

Before I write about last night, then I should say, that my past week have been really good work-wise. Got lots of things done, have had heaps of great conversations with customers and all-in-all – it has been great. In tennis, it has both been really nice and really shit. I developed a way of doing live statistics, while I play, and have been experimenting with it, with some great results and some poor results (I might write a blogpost on it in the future, if I keep doing it). The latest result before last night events, was quite poor. So my mood might already have been leaning in the wrong direction, – I’m not sure. It didn’t feel that way, before I sat down at the table with my roomies last night. But I don’t think that I’m always able to feel exactly what I feel, at any given time and place. 

My roomies had arranged a spontaneous grill-night, because one of my roomies had gotten some nice sausages. They quickly agreed, that Saturday night suited everyone, so then the call was on me. I’m not a very social guy – and my picture of the past week have been, that I’ve spent a lot of time with people. So if I had to be honest, then I really just wanted a night by myself (like the majority of my nights). I also know, that usually these kind of things turn out quite nice, and I rarely regret saying ‘yes’ to them, – even though I struggle not to consider the time I’m spending on it. I know that that’s fucked up way of thinking about it – but by now I’ve heard it several other places. And people usually only admit that they think that way, when I admit it first. I need to elaborate on that for a moment. I only think of the time I’m spending om social gatherings, when I’m not in it. When I’m in it, then I very often have a great time, and time flies by without me noticing it. But then I go to the bathroom, and look at my watch, and see that I’ve spent 4 hours eating and talking. I don’t like that, but I just shake it off, go back to the social thing and then time go back to flying without me noticing it. That is how it usually is – and that’s fine for me. I know I will ‘lose’ some time having fun with people. And I’m not saying this to offend anyone, and I hope that the people close to me, who read this, knows this. I also consider it ‘losing’ time, whenever I go to the movies (which I do quite a lot, but myself). Or if I go to the computer-cafe, which I do every now and then. It doesn’t mean, that whenever I’m ‘losing’ time, that I’m just sitting, staring at my watch until I can work or train again. I quite like ‘losing’ time. But it’s important to me, that I ‘lose’ it the right way. I don’t want to go out and get hammered, just to do it. It needs to be for some special occasion, or a spontaneous thought that evolves, or a ‘one-of’ event, that happens once a month. I’m not the kind of guy that goes partying, because I don’t have any other plans. 

So when my roomies agreed on Saturday night, then I kind of had to say ‘yes’, since I couldn’t say ‘naaa, I would rather be alone in my room’. But since Saturday is a weekday in my calendar, then that meant training, work and training, as any other day offers. Which means, that I would be home late. So I told my roomies, and they understood (with disregard to a single sarcastic text from one of them – but I can live with that). 

And the first 45 minutes was really nice. I came home, sat down, the food was lovely, we had some good conversation. As usual – I love being there, once I’m there. So when the food was finished, then I asked them if they felt like playing a board game, because I was really enjoying myself. So we started playing, but then the game turned out really poor for me. And no! That wasn’t why the night was shit – I’m not 8 years old. But I must admit that when I’m attending a board game, where I’m barely in the game, then I feel like I’m wasting my time. But the others had quite good games, so I did my best, to play the game, out of courtesy for them. I’m not saying, that I didn’t spread the vibe, that it annoyed me, that the game went so poorly for me – but I did my best to partake in the game. It was quite a fast game, and one of my roomies won quite superior in merely 40 minutes or so (which is still a long time to sit, roll dices, pass turn, sit, roll dices, pass turn, etc.). I really like that game, so I agreed to play another game. And that’s when it turned to shit. This game was a lot better for me, but the person who won the past game, had quite a bad game. And here’s what annoyed me the most. I had done my best, at participating in the game, when I had a terrible game, and I felt that this person was doing nothing of the sort, when the tables where turned. I was in no way superior in this game – so it wasn’t like a total annihilation of my roomies, that they just had to bear. But people became less and less present at the game. Several times, I remember people rolling the dices and then checking their phones! Gosh! That infuriates sooo beyond anything. Especially, with all my thoughts about social gatherings, in the back of my head. At several times, I felt like just getting up and walk to my room and go to bed. But I felt chained to the table! I was in this game, that we had to finish – but the game snailed on, because the right people wasn’t winning. And yes – I feel incredibly silly, sitting here raging on about a ‘fricking’ board-game. It’s always the small indifferent things, that trigger some feelings or emotions. And it feels ridiculus, but it is however how it is.

This is one part of why I’m in a sucky mood right now. The other thing is, that I usually kid around a lot. I know I’m teasing people a lot – and I know that that puts my hair in the machine every now and again, because I overstep boundaries every now and again. If people tease me back – then that’s part of the game and I quite like that. But when people then tease me back, then it annoys me, if they’re trying to aim for something that really hurts me. The things that mean something to me. I don’t know if it’s something I make up in my head, of if I’m right. But I’m fairly sure that I’m right. That I can tell the difference between someone trying to tease me back, and someone trying to inflict damage with their words. And I felt that during last night, several things were said, to try to inflict damage. Mostly from one of my roomies, that I have been quite rough to, the last couple of days. However, I can in no way see, how my teasing can relate to anything serious (or at least as serious) for that person. But, in some way I hope I’m wrong – because that’s one of the only things that I consider a good reason for the kind of things, this person said to me. But when stuff like this happens, I usually just distance me from everything for a while, and let things pop back to the way they were. Time heals most wounds. 

But what annoyed me the most about last night, was how the majority of my roomies lacked presence, at the table. If they want social gatherings just to kill time – fine! But don’t fucking drag me into it. And don’t sit on Facebook or texting with somebody else, when I’m sitting across the table, trying to brew up a conversation. If the text or Facebook it really so important, then call it a night and go do what you gotta do. This other thing is an absolute garantee, that if you do that when I’m around, then I will do whatever I can to get away. I dislike it sooooo much, that I’m struggling to describe it. I find it insulting. I interpret it as: ‘Yep – 50% of my brain-functionality is enough for me to be around you’. And I don’t really give a fuck, if that’s what they want to communicate to me or not. 

And like any other thing, I would like to stress, that I’m not saying that it’s wrong to do – I’m saying that I disagree with it. I hope for people who enjoy having conversations in that manner, to meet and be absent together. 

Now… What can I learn from this experience? I feel like this is time for some bullet-points:

  • Be more gentle to the roomie, who tries to hurt me (verbally, of course). Perhaps just joke less with this person. I can’t help but lose respect a little for people who try to shoot back, instead of simply stating that I overstepped a boundary or choosing a different path.
  • Don’t agree to play long board games with roomies. Actions only change, if the people doing them, want them to change. And they didn’t even seem to grasp, that their actions weren’t ideal – by my definitions. 
  • How could I have solved the situation differently? I could have made a scene. But if people don’t want to be ‘helped’ then I’m simply trying to force them to act the way that I consider right, which is wrong. I can’t make people change. Even if I could, then I wouldn’t want to. People are the way they are – the way they choose to be. And I can only choose who I would like to be around, and who I don’t want to be around. Or how much I would want to be around them.  

If I could go back in time and change something, then I wouldn’t. The lessons learned from last night are important, as much as they do sting. 

I must admit, that I feel quite a bit better now. I don’t know, if I want my roomies to read this or not. I don’t think that they know this blog exists, which is probably for the better. In some way I feel responsible for telling them, that their behavior annoyed me. But then again – a good mate of mine (Morten) once said, when there was an argument on our interrail-trip (6 guys, 30 days together in small crowded hostels and trains): ‘Whenever you spend so much time with someone, then it’s bound to bring some tensions at some point’. So perhaps I should just let it slide and not do anything about it. 

So in the words of an old chinese proverb: ‘This too shall pass’. 

Trying to fix the present

May 17, 2015 by zeth / / 0 Comments

I’m just going over my notes for my daily life, for the past 7 days (a new thing I’m starting to do every Sunday). It’s actually quite fun to do. I just stumbled across a really interesting thing (which the title kind of gives away) – but in order for me to explain it best, then I’ll first describe how the thought appeared in my head. 

My daily rating system

It started for about a year ago, when I started rating my daily efforts in different areas. All my days are pretty much alike, but if a day varies, then I let the rating system vary, so it fits my daily activities. So each day has these points, in which I rate myself (each rated from 1 to 10, where 10 is the best – unless otherwize is stated in the describtion below):

  • Mx (Morning exercise).
  • W (Work).
  • Ax (Afternoon exercise).
  • F (Food).
  • S (Sleep – as in, when I go to bed).
  • T (Total – where I add together the above-written numbers).
  • A (Average – where I divide the total-amount with 5).
  • D (Deviation – this is like a meta-tag, which isn’t included in the daily average, but simply serves the purpose of informing myself, how much I deviate from the daily schedule, as it should be. Is given in percentage).
  • P/L (Plan/Log – another meta-tag, which rates how well I’ve planned my day, how well I’ve logged my day and how well I’ve stuck to the plan).
  • H (Habits – another meta-tag, which rates how well I’ve used good habits to solve troublesome moments)
  • C (Change – another meta-tag, which rates how well I’ve tried to change myself towards the better. It’s quite new, to have this amongst my daily ratings – I don’t know if I like it or not). 

For a couple of days, then I posted my daily score in the blogpost I wrote (a couple of weeks back). I posted my average score (the A from above) – but I took too much time and I didn’t like doing it for several reasons, so I ditched the idea again. 

The system has evolved quite a bit over the last year, when I begun doing it. There have also been periods of time, when I haven’t rated myself. But I must admit that I love doing it – and it feels like, that I’m floating purposelessly into the void, if I’m not doing it. If I don’t rate myself, then I wont have any sense of, if I’m moving towards or away from my goals in life, if I don’t do it. Oh – yeah, except for that ‘gut feeling’ that people seem to love oh so much, but that I find rather despicable. My latest reason to this, is a podcast I heard from ‘You are not so smart’, where there have been a test that made people choose between two shirts (or something like that). The test-object was told simply to choose the one they prefered. After they had chosen, then were asked, why they chose as they did. And they said stuff like ‘I just liked it better’ or ‘the material feels better’ or ‘I like the color better’. I can’t remember the number exactly, but it appeared that 80% chose the shirt on the right (and I hope, that the people who executed the tests, swapped around at random, so it wasn’t the expensive shirt that was always on the right). But that simply tells me, that something as simply as an arbitrary decision can’t be made, without our subconscience fucking with us, without us knowing it. I could go on and on about this, but it’s not what this blogpost is supposed to be about. My moral with this tangent was to prove, that without us having some sort of conscience way to keep track of ourselfs, then we have no idea how much we actually do, to close the gap between our selfs and our goals. 

A weekly review

Each of the areas from the list from above, will get a grade for each day. For instance, if my morning training have been solid, proactive and tough, then I would probably rate it 8 or 9 (I save the 10 for a special occasion). If I oversleep and don’t go training, then I will rate myself 1. If I go train, but can’t focus or waste time, then I will rate myself like a 3 or a 5 or something like that. Each grade is relative to my current situation. If I for instance have had 5 hours of sleep and are exhausted from a training the day before, then I can still get a 7 for trying to improve, even though the training might have been poor. 

Now, it’s like this with all the areas from the list. This Wednesday i decided to go through the past week each Sunday, to see how I’ve been doing. Today is Sunday, and I did it just 15 minutes ago. I went through all the grades, to see if I could see a pattern. And a really interesting pattern occured. My lack of sleep almost always result in a shitty day afterwards. Not necessarily all of the areas – but at least one or two of them. I know that I haven’t just discovered the Hicks-particle or something like that, but it’s still fun to see. This will especially make me focus on going to bed at the right time, for the following week. 

Underneath these notes, I asked myself: What is done right, when it’s a good day? And my answer to this question was, that I had gotten enough sleep. And underneath that, I asked myself a question, that made me reach a very, very interesting conclusion: When it had been a bad day, what has then made it a bad day? And my answer to this was: That I was trying to fix the present… I love this. Cause it’s an illusion. The present doesn’t exist. We are unable to fix anything in the present, since it’s right here, right now. Our attempt to fix the present and make a bad day good, usually involves doing things that has good consequences in the near future, but rather bad consequences in the future that lies further away. So when I reach this state, then I usually allow myself to eat something unhealthy (burgers or candy usually). Or I skip a training session and sit and watch Netflix instead. Or I go on Facebook, instead of working. It’s all things that could be considered as something we do to nurse our present – to feel better right here, right now. And somehow that is successful – otherwise we would probably sieze to do it. Now I thought to myself – how do I stop myself from doing this, since it’s the most counter-productive thing I do? And my best answer is, that it can’t be eliminated from the present. The best thing we can do with it, is to controle it – but the ideal thing is to prevent it from happening (well duh!). So my best advice to myself is, to work harder to prevent the bad spirals from happening. Should I perhaps add ‘P’ to my daily rating system, as in how well I’ve prevented myself to hit a bad spiral? Hmm… Interesting. Very interesting. 

Selling a product I wouldn’t buy myself

May 10, 2015 by zeth / / 0 Comments

I just had a terrible experience, that I would really like to learn from. I’m curious, what I will gain from discussing this with myself – and yet, I feel so terrible about it, that it hurts to write about. I’ve been seeing someone for a short period of time. Let’s call her X. X is an amazing person, that I fell more and more in love with. I usually don’t let love enter my daily life, since my daily life doesn’t have room for other pieces, than I have already. But this chick was definitely worth it. We had an amazing couple of weeks, where we flirted and did what new couples do. It lasted for such a short time, that I think it’s incorrect to call us a couple – but for a couple of days, I greeted her as if she was my girlfriend – and it felt amazing. She is truely an amazing person. Gosh… I’m going to miss seeing her. 

We just had a long talk, discussing what it was, that we had going on. I’m glad that we talked about it, because I know that for each second I spend with her, I will fall deeper and deeper in love with her. So it’s better to end it sooner rather than later, where my love for her have only reached a shallow depth. Is it too soon to call it ‘love’? I don’t think so. I could feel, where we were headed – and I don’t know about her feelings, but my feelings was definitely headed that way. But I knew, that we was going to have a serious talk today – and I was dreading it. Both because I really like spending time with her. But also because I don’t feel I can be in a relationship in the way that I would like to, at this point in my life. And I especially dreaded it, because a relationship won’t have priority in my life, as I’m living it today. I’ve simplified my life in so many ways to make it revolve around tennis, that a simple ladder of priorities have arised in my life. And the guy that I would like to be in a relationship, will always have his girlfriend at the very top of this ladder of priorities. Yet – I feel like, that I’ve come too far with my tennis, to let it go now. As I’m writing this, I can hear a countless amount of voices in my head saying: “Can’t it be combined?”. And I don’t think it can. And I hear another set of voices saying: “If she was the right one, you would definitely give up tennis to be with her”. And to that I can only say: How the fuck do you know that!? Just because other people are too weak to resist the ultimate temptation, doesn’t mean that I am. To me – a rough definition of priorities are time. Where you spend time, you have priorities. You cannot say, that you priorities your relationship higher than your job, if you spend 80 hours per week working. Some people will probably say that – and I’m not saying that they are wrong. I’m saying, that I don’t agree. Let me just stress, that these are my opinions of the topic – and I don’t consider this ‘the truth’ – but merely my own thoughts and opinions on the topic. But this makes it really hard, to have a relationship with me, because in order to gain that top spot of my ladder of priorities, that we would have to spend a substantial amount of time together. And this makes me conclude this: Either my ‘priority equals time’-theory is wrong, or it’s not realistic to have a top-prioritized relationship ever. And I don’t like either of those options/conclusions. But this makes me consider – how much time should a couple spend together before it’s serious? If we for a minute consider the possibility, that relationships doesn’t apply to ones priorities in the daily life, then the time a couple can spend together can become infinitely small, without the couple can consider their relationship less important than anything else. Because is it an hour per day, that makes the difference between a relationship that’s important and a relationship that’s ‘just there’? Or is it 30 minutes per day? And if it’s 30 minutes per day makes a relationship serious or important, does that then mean – that if a couple spends 28 minutes per day together, then they’re just ‘fucking around’? But if they add two minutes more per day, then it becomes serious?! No… Obviously not. And therefore, the time that a couple should spend together are relative to the couples view on this.

I’ve been asked a numerous amount of times, if I want a girlfriend. And yes – I do want a girlfriend. But I feel that I can contribute with such a small piece of my life (measured in time), at the moment – that if I was my girlfriend, then I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with me. And this makes it really, really hard for me to be in a relationship with anyone. Because even if what I’m offering is good enough for her, then I won’t consider it to be myself – and this makes it all the more possible, that it won’t be; because there’s a really high chance, that it’ll become a self-fulfilling prophecy. And due to this, I feel so very, very bad for X. She deserves so much better – so much more, than I have to give, at this stage in my life. And we reached this conclusion today, as we talked. Yet I think I formulated my screwed up thoughts too directly – yet realistic. I think my opinion can be very ruthless and brutal from time to time. The only way that I can slighty justify it is, that I will never be as ruthless and brutal to others, than I am to myself. I really feel sending her a text, telling her that I’m sorry – or that she should know, that she made the right decision, not wanting to pursue a relationship between us. But I said how I felt and what I consider true. And it feels wierd apologising for liking the color blue, when she likes the color green.

She’s so great. Even as I said, that all I had each week, was a couple of hours, then she even considered giving me a chance. I was just worried, because she was about to buy into this product, that I’m not even sure I would buy myself, so I was relieved, that she said ‘no’. 

Love is brutal. Love is hard. I’ve decided, that I will actively push a relationship away, until I’m ready for one. Seeing X being as sad as she was, really cut me deep. That really hurt, seeing her so sad. 

Is it really better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all? Maybe… Who am I to decide that.

What is choice?

April 26, 2015 by zeth / / 0 Comments

I woke up today, and felt that I was balancing on the edge between what my daily life dictates that I should do and what I felt like doing. It’s in these moments that I feel the most vulnerabel – cause it’s in these moments, that I feel like my destiny is decided. If I gathered all the mental control I have in me, I would be able to hit the gym straight away, which usually starts my day in the most productive way. But I could also give in to what I felt like doing – go back to bed and lay there with my iPad and watch Netflix until my lower back hurts too much. Today I chose the Netflix-way. And oh boy, does it feel good to lay back down in my bed with the ‘fuck my dreams’-mentality and just blend in with the sheets. And oh boy, I feel like I’m the emperor of instant gratification. When I fall into that well, it is as if I’m flying. I succumb completely to my emotions and feelings, and the logical and rational part of my brain goes to sleep. Whenever I tell people about times, where I let this happen, they usually say: “Well, you should give yourself a little break now and then” – or something along those lines. But why? I think I would consider that my favorite word. Why? It proves right things to be right. It proves wrong things to be wrong. You can ask it to pretty much any question or statement, and it will almost always bring something interesting. But why do I need to give myself I break every now and then? Have I deserved it? That depends on, how I define to have deserved it. And whenever I have visited ‘the well of instant gratification’, then I almost always have a sense of guilt afterwards. And that guilt tells me that I don’t think that I deserve it myself. Do I need it? I mean – does it improve my functionality in my everyday life? Hmm… I would like to think that that is not the case. I hate the idea that Netflix makes me more productive – and don’t believe it. But what if it wasn’t Netflix – would I then just find some other replacement instead of Netflix to make me appreciate the present as much as I do, when I’m Netflix’ing?  

As I’m writing this, I feel some sort of deja vu – so I paused and went back and read my previous post. And as I suspected, then I wrote about this same thing last time. I guess it’s the theme of my Sundays. Gosh… As I realized this, I just started watching the blinking cursor for about three minutes. My mind started racing so badly. I had thought such as:

  • ‘Is the problem really, that I consider it a problem? Should I really just try to let it be as it is, instead of fighting it?’
  • ‘Am I really just trying as badly as I can, not to think of a big pink elephant – which just makes me think even more about it?’
  • ‘Will I ever win this was against myself and my feelings – or I’m I fighting a loosing battle?’ 
  • ‘Is it crazy to try to fight your own feelings?’
  • ‘In case I do succeed to eliminate these instant-gratification-moments from my life, will that make me happier? I know that it probably will make me more influental, but is that really worth sacrificing happiness for (in case those two things doesn’t go hand in hand)?
  • ‘Will it annoy the people reading this, that I wrote about this two times in a row?’ I decided not to edit the post, since I think it’s interesting, that I was about to write to same post twice. And I hated the fact, that when I wrote my past post, then I noticed that I actually reached a pretty interesting conclusion about the topic, that I had forgot that I had reached. And this conclusion was ‘Absolute control is accepting limitation of control’.

Before I move on to the thing that I actually would love to discuss with myself, then I want to mention, that I had a really interesting talk with a guy called Søren, about work-mentality. Søren is the best guy in the world. I haven’t met a single person, who dislikes the fellow. He’s tall and very smiley and loves to listen. He has a just as nice girlfriend – and they are just adorable together. Søren is incredibly good at his sport, eats healthier than any man (or woman) alive and my picture of him is, that he’s work-mentality is better that most people as well. He’s very humble as well, which I have addressed in an earlier post, is a trait that I value a lot. I have talked with Søren earlier about this topic of ‘how he works’, because I think I could learn a lot from his ways. So when I talked to Søren I asked him questions such as: ‘How often to do take a break’? ‘How long do those breaks last?’ ‘What do you do to maintain focus on what you need to do?’ ‘How do you handle bad days?’ It was really interesting to dive down into his mind and see how he perceived himself. I’m going to try several of the things that he explained. Great stuff! The thing that I’m having the most problems with, is that he said that he would advise people to do things the way they wanted to do them. For instance, if I would like to be able to work focused without having outside motivation, for as long as I choose, then I should try to work that way. And when I feel myself deviating from that, then I should ‘realise’, ‘release’ and ‘refocus’. I really like that. Actually… I don’t see myself being able of muster up the strength to do it, when I’m in one of my moments of instant gratification. But then again – I haven’t trained it! How do I expect to do something that I haven’t trained. For instance, when I wanted to get better at getting out of bed in the morning, I trained myself 5 times each night, to set the alarm-clock 1 minute later, get to bed and pretend I was sleeping. Then when it rang, I got up, turned on the lights, put music in my ears and started dancing. This meant that when the alarm-clock rang the next morning, then I just had to do the same pattern – and it worked like a charm! I just now decided, that I want to try to do the same. I will write down a list of the things that I would like to be without – and then train breaking the patterns, with Sørens approach. 

Now… The thing that got me started down this tangent of instant gratification is, that it annoys me that I choose it. Because I do choose it – even though I hate to admit it. I weigh all the different options that I can do and choose to counter-work my dreams, by listening to my feelings. Or at least some of my feelings. And that’s it. My feelings are like a giant tangelled mess of wires and they draw me in every different possible direction. It is as if my feelings are splitting me so much, that it’s really annoying to listen to them. One minute I would like to inspire people and make a difference in the world (which my logical part of my brain can get on board with). The next second I feel like having a pizza, playing video-games and going drinking with my friends. I seem to somehow paint several different pictures of the world, that I each would like to experience and try, but there’s is no golden middle-way between them. Either I choose to listen to my feelings and do what I would like to, in each and every moment. If I do that, then I will probably have a small impact on a lot of people, since it will mean, that I will meet a lot of strangers. But if I do that, then I won’t be able to dig deep down into a field (tennis, computer science or a business) and find out, what dedication to something will bring me. When I write this, then I realise, that that image is nice, but not what I want so it’s easy for me not to choose that way of life. On the other hand, when I describe a life of spending an incredibly amount of hours trying to hit a certain spot with a tennisball – and being able to do that over and over again – then that doesn’t appeal as much to me as well. But that’s only if I present it in that way – and everything can be presented in a way that seems unattractive (there’s no coin without two sides). I know, that I’m pursuing this tennis-dream, because I would like to see what it brings me. I have thought about this soooo much, that I know that I haven’t closed any doors, that I wouldn’t want closed – and that even if the worst case scenario of my tennis-journay comes true, then that will be better than the average case scenario of the alternative. I love the path I’ve chosen. And I love that it’s hard to walk it. Cause if it wasn’t then everybody would do it. And the fact that I’m doing something that few other (or no other) people are able to, makes me want to do it even more. So the doubt the I’m addressing earlier in this post vanishes completely, the more I write. I accept a hard life, because I have a good idea of, what I think it will bring me and what it will bring other people. I will keep fighting the instant gratification, since that is the biggest stone in my shoe, at the moment. It probably will be, which isn’t a bad thing. What if the biggest stone, was my belief in myself? Or injuries? Or feeling desociated with the world? Or feeling that I’m not making a difference? All of those things, would be a heck of a lot worse, if that was my problems – but they’re not even close. Pffft. I just realised something stupid. My biggest issue in life is that I think I’m treating myself too good. Ha! That makes me smile. Does there exist bigger first world problems than that? 

What this post was supposed to be about

Initially I wanted to write about choice and chaos – but my perspective have changed, since I started writing. I have just finished watching the movie Chaos Theory, which is a movie about a guy that lives his live very stringent and calculated. I can draw many parallels to how I live my life, at the moment, which makes the movies fun to watch. Sadly enough, the movie doesn’t dig down deeply into how he manages his life, it just illustrates some brief things. It’s so early in the movie, that I don’t consider it spoilers – but still, here’s a #SPOILER_ALERT for the movie-fans out there. I like the movie, so I would recommend anyone to go watch it – even though I’m known for having a very open taste in movies. Especially soft Hollywood loves-stories, which this might be as well. But in this movie, there’s this guy who lives a very controlled and calculated life. For instance, there’s a scene where his wife asks him: ‘When do you have to leave?’ to which he replies ’18 minutes after’. I really liked this part, since that’s exactly how I would love to live, at the moment. Calculated down to every last minute of the day to maximize the minutes of the day and never be late for anything. It’s sadly enough not how my life actually is, since I’m awefully often late for things – but it’s what I would really like for my life to be like. But then the character in the movie starts to deviate from this structured approach to life, where he starts to let randomness decide, what he has to do (by writing the options of different pieces of paper and drawing one at random). I really liked angle – because it made me think: ‘Is that the lack of control or is it actually control?’ In my last post I stated, that ‘absolute control is accepting the limitation of control’. And isn’t this exactly that? It’s just limiting another part of the control part, than what people usually do. Bwaaah – this is abstract and wierd to write about. I’m not even sure I agree with it myself. But then again, I think that those things, that is not so obvious is usually the ones the most interesting to excavate. 

I don’t know how I started to think about it, but I remember, after watching the movie, thinking: ‘What is chaos?’ And what’s the opposite to chaos? Is it control? I liked that thought, because I try so hard to achieve control of my life – but I’m not certain if I agree, that chaos is the opposite to control. And how do I know when I’m heading off this path that I’m trying to walk, when I don’t know what wilderness I’m trying to avoid. But somehow ‘chaos’ fit pretty good into my picture here. I’m trying to fight chaos. And I’m trying to achieve control. And this helps me, because now I can feel for chaos – and when I feel I’m succumbing to chaos, then I can use Søren’s steps and come back to the path that I’ve chosen. 

And with those fine words – I’m now realising that this isn’t how I want to spend my Sunday. So I’m about to release and refocus! See you on the other side. :-)

Why do we do anything?

April 19, 2015 by zeth / / 0 Comments

The past few days have been rather awful. My trainings have been sloppy of non-existent, I’ve eaten like someone from Atlanta (the fattest place on the planet) and I haven’t gotten a lot of work done. It started 4 days ago, when I felt bad for myself, and decided to go see a movie and have some candy. I still reminded myself, how important it is to me, that I stay slim and healthy, so I limited the amount of candy as much as I could, without limiting my experience. But that was the first move down a bad spiral. I don’t know if it actually was ‘the’ first move, but it started some sort of non-productive- and self-pity-avalanche; that dragged me further and further down into my own filthy thoughts. This happens every now and then, but it always turns at some point. And that point is usually the day after a day, where I disgust myself so much, that I wake up the next day, feeling extremely motivated to come back to my regular self, that works hard towards things and try to press each and every drop out of every second of the day. When I tell other people about this phenomenon, then most people say that it’s a sign, that I pressure myself too much, during my daily life. But I don’t believe that. I believe and accept that I can stumble and fall. But I don’t believe and accept, that after I have fallen, that I need to stay down for as long as I do, before I get up.

Each time I have these days of sin, and just do whatever my present self feels like (chocolate, playing video-games, watching Netflix), then I now notice something that is similar in these moments. I can feel myself having asked myself the question before, but without having a perfect answer for it. And the question is: ‘Why does it matter, that I go work out?’ Or ‘why does it matter, that I eat healthy?’ I think that we all have a natural balance for, how much we treat our present self and how much we treat our future self. And these treats are being based on, how and when we treated our past self. I love fiddling with this line of, when we do what. Let me give an example, to illustrate it (cause I know, that it’s very abstract talk at the moment).

How we treat our present self

For instance, if we eat chocolate – then it’s because we treat the self in the present moment. It’s something that our tasting-buds are enjoying right here, right now. If we jump to a moment in the future, where the taste of chocolate has past, then we’re not enjoying it anymore. On the contrary, we may regret that we have eaten it, cause now we have a bunch of calories, that we have to burn in order to keep looking the way we would like to look. And now I hear the voice of many people inside my head saying: ‘How about the memory of chocolate – we add that to ourself as well, doesn’t we?’ Well – no. I don’t think so. Because if it was indeed the memory we were looking for, then we wouldn’t have to eat it – then we could just go back to another time, where we eat it and bring forth that memory. So this only counts (in my opinion) when we do something the first time and only the first time. And to be honest – we don’t eat chocolate because we want the memory of it. We eat it, because it’s delicious and makes us feel better.

How we treat our future self

An example of this is, if we eat a salad. It’s not the best example, but it’s a good contrast to the previous example of how we treat our present self. But when we eat a salad, then yes, we can enjoy it. But if we compare it to eating chocolate, then the chocolate would probably give us more pleasure in the present moment. And now I hear a bunch of blonde fitness-chicks in my head saying: ‘No, I don’t enjoy chocolate as much – cause I know that I will have to burn all those calories later, if I eat it.’ And that is exactly my point. We can still enjoy the salad, because we know that it will benefit us later (either in the first-coming future, with a more balanced energy-level or later by looking closer to how we want to look). But the salad benefits us less in the present and more in the future. 

And there are a bunch of these examples. And it’s not binary in the way that it only benefits the present self or the future self. Chocolate can be consumed on other ways that just the ‘munchy-munchy-aaaawwgh-this-is-soooo-gooood’-way. And a salad can be delicious as well. So it’s not a black’n’white border of, for which self we’re doing what we’re doing. And the reason why I brought this up is, that my daily life pretty much only includes things that I do for my future self, and every thing I can do for my present self, I try to suppress. My conclusion is, that I still find several ways of enjoying them in the present moment, but when I decided to do them, then the primary motivation wasn’t to do it, but what I gained from doing it. Is that sad? It feels kind of sad, when I write it. And that’s usually the doubt that stops me from my daily life and drags me towards candy, movie and video-games. But this time (in these 4 filthy days), then a question have remained in my head: ‘Why does it matter, what I do?’ – or rephrased: ‘What is the meaning with anything?’. So a conversation with myself can go something like this:

  • Present Zeth: Why do I have to go work out now?
  • Future Zeth: Cause you would like to stay fit, look good, be healthy and become great at tennis.
  • Present Zeth: Why do I want that?
  • Future Zeth: Cause you would like to set a footprint on the planet before you leave it. Make a change. Help people. Motivate people.
  • Present Zeth: Why is that important to me?
  • Future Zeth: Cause it’s something that either have helped you and would have helped you, earlier on your travel through life. The way Michael Jordan, Vincent Freeman, Will Smith or Michael Phelps was a star in your sky, that helped you – the same way you would like to help others who’s taking ‘the road less travelled’.
  • Present Zeth: But there’s already people who’s inspiring those people. What difference does it make if there’s 20 or 21 people in the world, who has done something amazing?
  • Future Zeth: The difference is larger, that you can imagine. And you’re trying to do something that neither of the people you let yourself inspire by, have or could do.
  • Present Zeth: But what if I don’t succeed?
  • Future Zeth: That’s not possible. You will succeed.
  • Present Zeth: But what if I don’t?
  • Future Zeth: That is a good question. But why do you care if you succeed or not? It’s me – the future you, that has to live that that anyway. Can’t you just do what you can in the present and let me live with the consequences in the future?
  • Present Zeth: Well, I don’t want to bust my ass now if I know that it’s not going to benefit me in the future.
  • Future Zeth: Just trust me. It will benefit you. Maybe not in the way that you first imagined – but definitely in one way that you’re going to be extremely happy for.

I hope this gave an idea of my internal dialog, that is annoying me, whenever I struggle to keep up with my daily routine. It’s as if my future self are telling me present self to ‘trust him’, but my present self decides not to and takes matters into his own hands. And it’s like my present self just becomes some sort of 5-year old child, that can say: ‘Why is that?’ to any answer my future self gives, and somehow win the argument that way. Like so:

  • Future self : I like the sky.
  • Present self: Why is that?
  • Future self: Cause it reminds me how big the world is.
  • Present self: Why is that?
  • Future self: Cause it is so enormous, and streches as far as the eye can reach.
  • Present self: Why is that (amazing to you)?
  • Future self: Ehm… Because… Ehm… Other things aren’t that big. And the sky will follow you, no matter where you go on the planet.
  • Present self: Why is that (amazing to you)?
  • Future self: Because it’s so incomprehendable large; and it’s so necessary for the human survival, that I like appreciating it. 
  • Present self: Why is that?
  • Future self: Cause I appreciate things that ensure my survival.
  • Present self: Why is that?
  • Future self: Cause I like living.
  • Present self: Why is that?
  • Future self: Because I’m happy. Because I exist. Because it’s who I am.
  • Present self: Why is that?
  • Future self: I don’t know. I don’t know why I like living.

It’s not the best example in the world, but I think it’s give an idea of, why any argument can be won with that question. At some point you will reach a level, that is so close to human machine code, that it’s just not possible to elaborate further. And I strongly disagree with the bad parental answer: ‘Well, I like living cause I just like living- OK?!’. That’s a defeat in my opinion. 

So why…?

Now, what do I consider to be the reason why we do anything? I guess my best explanation is: That we do because we do. Why do I train as hard and much as I do? I can give you a handful of reasons, why that is, but the better question is: Why does someone prefer the color blue and someone else prefer the color purple. Why do I have the opinions that I have? Why do I like the things that I like? I guess that is because of my past – what I have experience and how I have interpreted those moments. But then what is the difference between the moments that have shapen me to be who I am and the moments that have been tossed in the ‘forgotten’-pile? Insignificance? I don’t know. Cause I think that we can attach as much significance to something as we’d like (through symbolism, metaphors and analogies). But does that mean, that all my previously experienced moments all had an influence on my opinions and views? Let’s assume, that that is the case, just to somehow get some sort of progress in this rambling post. But then what is the difference between a day that I’m highly motivated to do what I do and a day where I don’t feel like it. My own apparent guess is, that I perform the tasks I have planned to perform the tasks – and that I disregard the outcome of it – but that I just trust that there will be an outcome, that I’m happy for. Huh… I like that. So the moral of this post is, to follow my daily routine, knowing that it will create my bigger picture, without wanting control of what it looks like, but just a manifesting hope or idea of, what ballpark the bigger picture is going to be.

Absolute control is to accept a limitation of control.

Increasing the effectiveness of my life

Last time, I wrote that I would try less tools to increase my effectiveness, and that has actually helped. It’s good for me, to have a few good tools to administer my mental energy, so the administration doesn’t strangle me. It’s really good for me, to rate each day for, how well I’ve done in different areas. I have the following areas:

  • Morning exercise
  • Work
  • Afternoon exercise
  • Food (how healthy I’ve eaten)
  • Sleep (how well I’ve been to get my 8 hours of sleep)
  • Total (add together above-written numers)
  • Average (average of everything except for the ‘total’)
  • Deviation (how much I’ve deviated from the plan for the day)
  • Plan/log (how well I’ve planned the day and logged what I’ve done)
  • Habits (how well I’ve used habits to improve areas in which I would like to improve).

It’s really good and have helped me a lot. Another tool I’ve started using is, to extend my tennis-game (where I have to send a picture of myself to my coach each morning at 4am and pay him a fine if I’m late) to my food. So now I’m sending money to my good mate Daniel, each time I eat something that my tasting-buds have dictated. So it costs me 50kr. each time I do it. Which means, that I’m allowed to do it, if I’m willing to pay the fine. And it feels good. Because then when I do it, then I know that it’s something that I really would like, and that it’s not something I just felt like in the present moment and that my present self have decided.

I have to value my sleep better. My downfall is to sit up and linger at night and not get to bed at 20:00, which is by far the best for me (so I get the hours of sleep that I need). I can survive on less for a couple of days, but I also think that the lack of sleep had a big say in these past 4 sucky days. I can conclude that 6 hours isn’t nearly enough for me. 7 hours is the absolute minimum and 8 makes me perform better and enjoy my daily life more.

 

Change the world

March 28, 2015 by zeth / / 0 Comments

I have a lot of thoughts about, why we do what we do. I had an interesting conversation yesterday with a girl (that I will refer to as H), that I find really inspiring. For a long time, I thought that I was in love with this woman. I think, it’s because I have a deep, deep respect for the person and the way she is. What inspires me, is that she is one of the most humble people, that I have ever met. And the ability to be humble, is a skill that I consider vastly underestimated. It’s incredibly hard to be truely humble. And it’s not something that you can choose to be, it’s something that you either are, or can strive towards – it’s not a switch that can be turned on or off at any given moment. But then the good question is, how one can become humble? And I don’t really know. These blogposts are supposed to be a kind of dialog with myself. I hope that somebody at some point will read some of it, and maybe find some interesting things amongst some of this.

But how does a person become humble? I thought about looking up the word ‘humble’ in a dictionary, but i would consider that cheating. It’s like the old chinese proverb: “Tell me and I’ll forget, show me and I’ll remember, involve me and I’ll know”. Well… This is me, involving me. So… Humble. Ehm… Ok. I’ve just watched the cursor blink for the past 30 seconds. So to get myself started, then I’ll try to describe H, in some scenarios, where she appears humble, in my eyes. For instance, when she has to do something, she will always consider it an extra time, if she did it well or not. I suppose, that she’s looking for a some sort of approval of what she did. This approval can come from herself, if she considers herself skilled in the thing she is doing; or she will look for approval from an external source. Gosh, this is hard! Fuck it – I’ll just look it up. :-)

Here’s the definition of humble: Having or showing a modest or low estimate of one’s importance.

I like that definition. And I can recognize this in H. She will always show a low estimate of her importance. It’s a trait that I deeply admire. First of all, then I don’t see a lot of people that tries to be humble, which I think is sad. Second of all, I consider it easy to spot, if someone tries to be humble, but actually has another agenda/motive to do so. To be truely humble is true beauty, in my eyes – and I adore that in H. I hope that I’ll be able to tell her at some point, without giving her a wrong idea of, what my intentions are with telling her. I think that she thinks that I’m in love with her (which I don’t know if I am). I think that it’s also because that I find her looks incredibly mesmerizing; so I assume that she can tell that from the way I look at her. It’s not that I don’t want to hide that feeling – but it’s harder than I would think. 

Hmm… I find this blogpost rather embarrassing. Bwaaa… I’ll post it, and hope that nobody read it. It’ll be fun for me to read in a couple of years time, to remind myself of my level of patheticness.

Increase the level of effectiveness in my life

What’s new on this front, is that I’m still reading a lot about it and having loads of new theories on how I can do things. But I think that too many tools can make me forget about the task at hand. So therefore I’m going to change my approach a bit… Which is ironic, cause that’s what I consider the problem: That I change approach to often. But this time, the change in approach will be in order to make me not change a major approach in the near future. 

The change is, that I will write some sort of template for all sevens days of the week. The template will dictate what I will have to do and when. I thought about just having a daily routine, which I kind of liked, but then advantage of having a weekly routine, then it gives me more options that include variations. The key aspects in this daily-template of what I’m going to do, is that I get enough sleep (which makes me have more fun and work better). And before I rated myself on a scale from 1 to 10 on how well I did in different stages of my day (how good the morning-training was, how much work I got done, how healthy my meals was, etc.). I think I’ll keep that, since it’s easy for me to see, how well I’m doing. But I’ll add another factor, that doesn’t add to much administration. This factor is, how much I deviate from the daily template. I look forward to trying this. 

Task-oriented rewards

March 18, 2015 by zeth / / 0 Comments

Today have been an extraordinary day. The only bad part, was that I got to work at around 11:30, which wasn’t because of today, but because of yesterday. But I set goals and reached them and worked very focus and was very productive.

Today I implemented logging my activity, which I’ve done a couple of times in the past, with success. Or let me put it this way – if it’s a good day, then logging makes it brilliant. But if it’s a bad day, then it’ll stay pretty much the same (and my logging of my activities becomes more and more sloppy, as the day passes). So I’m going to do that more. 

I also set a task-oriented reward, which is a movie that I stumbled across, that I would really like to see. It’s called ‘The Words’ with Bradley Cooper. So I told myself, that when I’ve solved a number of tasks (it’s specific to me, but wouldn’t be specific if I put here), then I’m allowed to see this movie. I’ve done sort of the same previously, but then it was ‘if I completed the day properly’ or something else, which is not as easy to monitor as ‘have I completed X, Y and Z’? If yes: Yahoo! If no: Back to the bench, buddy! I worked for me today, and it was brilliant motivation, because I really felt like seeing this movie. 

Another thing I stumbled across today is something called ‘Primeing’, which I came across in the book that my sister suggested to me: ‘Thinking: Fast & Slow”. It’s really interesting and I used it today. I’m not going to describe what it is now (since that would make this blog-post waaay too long). But I used it by writing down words that inspire me. Words like:

  • Efficient.
  • Effective.
  • Productivity.
  • Calmness.
  • Focus.
  • Proactivity.
  • Intelligence.

After that I wrote down people who inspire me. And interesting enough, then I didn’t write down any celebrities names. I think that they are interesting and eye-opening; but I wrote down a couple of names of people that I know (and I consider this information too private to share). And then I looked at that sheet of paper, before I started working; to get myself in the right mind-set. I primed myself for working in the fashion that I would want myself to work in. And I think that it worked. I mean… It’s easy to have things work on good days – but still. It felt like it gathered my thoughts and my focus, so I could use it better. I reminded me, what I was aiming for, before picking up the rifle.  

I did a couple of other things today; but I’m going to share one last thing. That was, that I really focused on my glucose-level. Even though I’m trying to slim down (I mean, who isn’t these days), then I purchased some juice boxes and some dried fruit. And it wasn’t like a snack. But I had to use it in a sense, so that every time I could feel my mind going ‘ooooaaaarrrrwgh’, then I had to take a sip of the juice, or take a piece of dried fruit. It cannot replace a meal, but is meant to give your mind some fast fuel, every time it struggles. 

But yeah… All in all… This have been the best day I’ve had in many weeks. Which is why I celebrated to going out to eat spaghetti bolognaise and a brownie dessert. Now I assume that doesn’t make the good day average. Does it? :-)

Todays score

8,4

Status-report

March 18, 2015 by zeth / / 0 Comments

I was not satisfied with today. I made several bad decisions. 

I did stumble across some interesting litterature, that gave me some great insights. Amongst those were these things:

1) I shouldn’t try to aim for ‘flow’, I should aim for using my cognitive energy wisely (since I think it’s a finite ressource). 

2) I should consider my work-habits again. I should still do, what I came across yesterday. But the rewards should depend on, if it’s a mechanical or a cognitive task, that I’m performing. If it’s a cognitive demanding task, then there shouldn’t be a reward. 

3) If it’s a cognitive demanding task, then I should try to work as slow as possible, since that will result in better work. And ironically, it usually results in getting it done faster as well.

4) I would like to work with ‘instant gratification’ at some point; even though I think I have enough things to work with at the moment. But it’s something that I will have to work with later on. And I consider it a bad thing (that when I feel like something, then I shouldn’t necessarily award it to myself straight away).

There were also other points. but these were the most important ones. 

Todays score

2.2 – fucking shocking! *sigh*…

A talk with my sister

March 16, 2015 by zeth / / 0 Comments

Feedback on my computer-like behaviour: Even though I’ve only done it for a day, then it had some pretty cool results. It was nice to put up a target/goal, and then do whatever it took to solve the given task. In the morning, my self-discipline worked better than in the afternoon. It felt like I slowly ran out of gas. But I’m definitely continuing to do it. Setup a simple goal and then work towards it until it is solved and completed. All other tasks that pop up into my head is eliminated by saying ‘I will not become happier from solving this problem first. Stick to the protocol!’ The problem was whenever I had solved a task, and had to setup a new task. Or if I set a task so big, that it required a break at some point (toilet or food), before I could solve it. But I’m still working on perfecting this. All in all, was it a pretty good productive and focused day. My daily score was 7.2.

I just had a really good talk with my dearest sister. Wierdly enough, then she’s the person I know, that tries as much as I do, to improve her self-discipline – cause we are in many ways very, very different. But it’s really nice to talk to her about it, cause it’s like that she’s facing the same difficulties that I’m facing; and she’s reading a lot of litterature, so she has a lot of really good points to consider. She’s so nice to talk to and so intelligent. The main topic of our talk was how to become more effective, productive and how to improve our self-discipline. Here’s the things that I’m going to use from our talk.

1: Define what the successful working-method, -form and -shape is

I’ve touched base with this problem before, but yet it still keeps surprising me. The problem is, that if my goal always is, just to be ‘better’, then I will never achieve it (cause obviously there will always be a ‘better’ to my ‘better’). So I’m going to set a realistic goal for tomorrow for, how much work I will get done. I will use my phone as a stop-watch, where I will set intervals in which I will have to work. If my mind starts to wander, then that is where the training part will start, since I’m not allowed to do anything but work, while the stop-watch hasn’t reached the goal for the working-interval. I’m thinking of a 45 minutes to an hour per interval. In each interval, I will do what point 3 is explaining about.

2: Work to a metronome

I’ve previously done this, and it was quite a good experience. I don’t actually remember why I stopped. I think, now I think about it, that it was because that it seems so dull to setup a metronome to work to. But I felt it enhance my productivity and increased the chance that I would hit the state of flow, when I worked. So I’m going to try it again. 

… Naturally, this is not just some random way of working, there is a far deeper explanation to why I think this could work; but I’m not going into details about that now. 

3: Randomize the treats

My sister and I discussed a Podcast from Hello Internet, where CGP Grey gives this example with a lab rat: If you give it a button, where if the rat presses the button, then it will get a treat every time, then the rat will eventually get borred with the button and not use it. If you give a lab rat a button, where it never does anything, then obviously the rat wont press the button after a brief period of time. But if you give a rat a button, where it at random gives the rat a treat, when it hits the button; then the rat will use the button a lot longer than any of the other two scenarios. 

So since we’re all just sophisticated lab rats; then I will try to setup something like this for myself. So in each break I will roll a dice (an online dice, since I don’t have a physical dice available), where the number the dice shows will force me to do some different things. Here’s the things I have to do, if the given number of eyes is shown:

  1. Do nothing
  2. Do nothing
  3. Read a chapter in my book
  4. Do nothing
  5. Do nothing
  6. Go for a 15-20 minutes run

I’m looking forward to see the effect this will have.

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