My husband being a stay-at-home dad improved our SEX LIFE: One mother reveals the unexpected benefits of being the main breadwinner

  • Samantha Downes, 44, earned £60k a year as a senior manager
  • Her husband Andrew, 44, an IT contractor, stayed home with the children 
  • He was more patient with their two girls and better at cleaning the house
  • The couple were happier and their sex life had never been better

By Samantha Downes and Jo Rhodes For Mailonline

Published: 06:20 EST, 19 June 2015 | Updated: 12:39 EST, 19 June 2015

A woman has revealed that becoming the main breadwinner in her household - and her husband staying at home to looking after their children - saw their sex life improve.

Samantha Downes, 44, from Stansted, Essex, earned £60,000 a year in her role as a senior manager - more than her partner Andrew, 44, an IT contractor - so it made financial sense for him to raise their children.

The mother of two daughters, Imogen, six, and Isabella, two, says she loves being a career woman - and claims her husband is happiest when he is at home, cooking her homemade meals, tidying the home, and looking after their girls. 

Samantha Downes, 44, (pictured with her husband Andrew and their daughter Imogen at 10 months old) is an 'alpha mummy' who admits she would be bored staying home all day with the children

Samantha Downes, 44, (pictured with her husband Andrew and their daughter Imogen at 10 months old) is an 'alpha mummy' who admits she would be bored staying home all day with the children

Here, she shares her story with FEMAIL: 'Andrew is never prouder than when he has decluttered the kitchen and the living room, and he loves cooking.

'While I pride myself on my mummy skills, and buy all the cookbooks (my children do enjoy the odd Hemsley & Hemsley special) he whips up the proper homely stuff that children love, like macaroni cheese.

'When Andrew was growing up, his dad was sometimes away on business for weeks on end. He felt he missed out on some of the father-son things like playing football and games at the weekend.

'I imagine that is part of what makes him such a great dad. He's very patient and good at entertaining our girls, and has a knack of knowing exactly what they want.

'Of course it hasn't always been this way. When we first met 18 years ago, Andrew was clocking in a 60-hour week plus travel.

Andrew, 44, (pictured with Samantha on their wedding day) soon realised there was more to life than earning six figures in his IT job

Andrew, 44, (pictured with Samantha on their wedding day) soon realised there was more to life than earning six figures in his IT job

'He worked hard and played hard. In fact it was his job that led us to split up two years later.

'It was six years before he got back in touch with me. He had realised that earning a six-figure salary in IT was not everything.

'We had been back together a couple of years when I had Imogen. We both worked from home, which was ideal as we could be there for our daughter. However we did struggle for money sometimes.

'When Imogen was 15 months old, our financial situation meant I had to take a job back with my old company in the city.

'Luckily I had a role that allowed me to work from home a couple of days a week and manage my team remotely.

Samantha was 20 weeks pregnant with their second child, Isabella, when the couple married in 2012 (pictured at their wedding reception)

Samantha was 20 weeks pregnant with their second child, Isabella, when the couple married in 2012 (pictured at their wedding reception)

'But on the other days I would return at 7pm to find the kitchen tidy, dinner cooked, the washing under control and the bedtime ritual underway.

'By the time I fell pregnant with my youngest, I was earning £60,000 a year as the senior manager of a financial news website.

'While Andrew dipped in and out of contract work, I was the main earner and my salary covered everything - including our rent and bills.

'I was an alpha mummy who needed challenges and got a bit bored just looking after the children. But Andrew's patience and kindness was the perfect foil for my wired, city-woman craziness!

'Being a full-time dad - with the odd website to design - made my husband happy. He was relaxed, less tense, and smoked and drank a lot less. 

'One day I took both our daughters to a birthday party. Four hours later we came back and found he had cleaned, and decluttered the house from top to bottom, and cooked a batch of food for the baby. 

Samantha and Andrew's sex life improved when he became a stay-at-home day because he had a lot more energy (pictured at Imogen's christening in 2009)

Samantha and Andrew's sex life improved when he became a stay-at-home day because he had a lot more energy (pictured at Imogen's christening in 2009)

'He was much better at cleaning than me and our sex life had never been better. Andrew had much more energy for me when he was not run ragged with work.

'Only like all good things, it did not last.

'I was made redundant when the company folded. I started freelancing but soon had to give up work altogether because of morning sickness, which lasted the whole nine months.

'Andrew wasn't particularly happy about it, hence my promise - while in the throes of pregnancy-induced nausea - that I didn't mind going to back to work. So long as he did the housework and took care of the children; something he admitted he enjoyed doing.

'I was 20 weeks pregnant when we married in 2012. But even after Isabella was born, our grand plan never came to fruition.

'Since then I have had to retrain as a lecturer, which means Andrew is still having to do paid full-time work so that all the bills are covered.

Samantha says that Andrew is better at cleaning than her and more patient with their two daughters, Imogen and Isabella (pictured in their garden on her 40th birthday)

Samantha says that Andrew is better at cleaning than her and more patient with their two daughters, Imogen and Isabella (pictured in their garden on her 40th birthday)

'Another thing that has gone by the wayside is our sex life.  

'We just about manage to make love once a week, because both of us are preoccupied with work. Other times our sex life is almost non-existent.

'"So sweetheart, when are you going to go back to earning the big bucks and keeping us all?" Andrew often teases me.

'He honestly can not wait for me to go back to full-time work so he can resume his duties as a stay-at-home dad. And neither can I.

'Of course men like him are in the minority. Andrew says that when he did go to playgroups most of the mums avoided him, but that was his only complaint.

'For now we will have to just get on with things. Occasionally I do get a glimpse of how good life could be - as I did with my recent breakfast meeting.

'Surely there are other couples out there who feel the same way?'

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