The cream of our quips

by DAVID THOMAS, Daily Mail

Daily Mail writer, David Thomas takes a look at the cream of British quips...


Q: Why do modern cars have five gears?

A: So women can find at least one of them.

Q: Why did God invent women?

A: Because sheep can't fetch beer from the fridge.

Q: What food lowers the female sex-drive by 90 per cent?

A: Wedding cake.

Q: How many men does it take to change a light-bulb?

A: Aaah, what the heck. She can do the ironing in the dark.


Q: What's the difference between a man and chimpanzee?

A: Well, one's a filthy animal, covered in matted hair, that's always scratching its backside. And the other one is the chimp.

Q: Why are men like ads on TV?

A: Because they only last 30 seconds and you can't believe a word they say.

Q: What's the difference between a man and an endowment policy?

A: In the end, an endowment policy matures.

Q: Why are men like linoleum?

A: Because if you lay them right, you can walk all over them for the rest of your life.

Q: Why are married women heavier than single women?

A: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

No comments have so far been submitted. Why not be the first to send us your thoughts, or debate this issue live on our message boards.

We are no longer accepting comments on this article.

Who is this week's top commenter? Find out now