The cream of our quips

by DAVID THOMAS, Daily Mail

Daily Mail writer, David Thomas takes a look at the cream of British quips...

JOKES AGAINST WOMEN


Q: Why do modern cars have five gears?


A: So women can find at least one of them.

Q: Why did God invent women?


A: Because sheep can't fetch beer from the fridge.

Q: What food lowers the female sex-drive by 90 per cent?


A: Wedding cake.

Q: How many men does it take to change a light-bulb?


A: Aaah, what the heck. She can do the ironing in the dark.

JOKES AGAINST MEN

Q: What's the difference between a man and chimpanzee?


A: Well, one's a filthy animal, covered in matted hair, that's always scratching its backside. And the other one is the chimp.

Q: Why are men like ads on TV?


A: Because they only last 30 seconds and you can't believe a word they say.

Q: What's the difference between a man and an endowment policy?


A: In the end, an endowment policy matures.

Q: Why are men like linoleum?


A: Because if you lay them right, you can walk all over them for the rest of your life.

Q: Why are married women heavier than single women?


A: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

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