THAT WAS THE SPORTING WEEK: From WAGS to riches - England boss Fabio Capello reveals the secrets of success in South Africa

By Tim Chalmers for the Daily Mail

Yet again your potentially award-winning Sporting Week has lost its marker and  stolen a yard at the back post – this time securing exclusive access to Coach  Capello's secret dossier for World Cup success.

And when better than the very week in which England have qualified for South Africa to reveal exactly how Fabio Fab has revolutionised our game and, more importantly, how he plans to triumph next summer?

Here, in Capello's own words, is the grand plan.

1 Conquering the fear of playing at home

capello and beckham

Remember now: Capello gives Becks instructions

'I use David as example. I say David, we know Victoria want you out of the house early doors so she can begin dusting and hoovering before her hair appointment. But this is your house David. Paid for with your money which you earned by lying around in small underpants with oil all over your body. If you  want to stay home and play with the boys – Alfa, Romeo, Spider – you stay home. 

It's same with Wembley. That is our home. If we want to play with ball on living room carpet, we play with ball. We keep it away from visitors all day if we want.'

Result: Instead of freezing under the spotlight, England start scoring goals for fun in front of their own fans.
Sporting Week success rating 9/10

2 Learning from previous managers

'When I move into FA headquarters, a couple of things I need to change. One, I don't need the brolly I find hanging behind office door. If it rains, I wear expensive, waterproof Italian buckskin overcoat. I look a bit like Jose Mourinho's studious older cousin. The hair I can sort before post-match press conference. No need for brolly, no sign of Wally..

steve mcclaren

His rain is over: Who wouldn't look good after Steve McClaren

I also find pair of black leather lace-up shoes with raised insoles left neatly outside secretary's office. No need for these, either. We here to  discuss football tactics, not talk about footwear fashion. I throw shoes in skip.

Next day I find another pair outside the receptionist's office. Then another pair outside cleaner's room. All shoes go in skip. Fresh start.'

Result: An end to the lack of focus which led to failure of the Sven Goran Eriksson and Steve McClaren regimes.
Sporting Week success rating 9/10

3 Taming the WAGS

'I keep the WAGS on side by letting them visit us in South Africa – but only for one day a week. When they complain, I tell them all other days of week are half-day closing for shops. Fabio's fib work a treat, most of the girls don't  know where South Africa is, never mind opening hours.'

Result: South Africa's retail sector goes into an alarming tailspin, but England's chances of World Cup victory improve drastically.
Sporting Week  success rating 10/10

wags in germany

Good idea at the time: The ladies enjoyed the Baden Baden nightlife in 2006

4 Playing Lampard and Gerrard together

'I tell them to pass to each other at the right time, help each other attack and defend, score goals. They wish someone had suggested it earlier.'

Result: Lampard and Gerrard shine. Sporting Week success rating 10/10

lampard and gerrard

Dream team: Lampard (left) and Gerrard were on target against Croatia

5 Breaking the culture of comfort in the England dressing room

'I shout at team captain John Terry and other senior players for no reason. I ring them in middle of night and shout at them in bed. I ring them in the bath and I ring them on the toilet. This shocks them, especially as they can't understand what I'm saying.

'I forbid players from parking the Bentley outside the changing room, I make them walk from car park. I remove disco glitter ball and cocktail bar from changing room. No more pole-dancing girls for half-time entertainment, they listen to me shout at them instead. No ipods to be used  during training – and they must wear football boots, not Ugg boots.

Result: Respect for the manager and attention to his instructions lead to vastly improved performances. Sporting Week success rating 9/10

6 Ending the penalty shoot-out pain

'I get them to score against our goalkeeper. They find it easy. Now I tell them to do the same against opposition goalkeeper. Not so easy. Penalties could be a problem.'

Result: This one might prove too much even for Fabio. 

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