'I still can't find a meaning for it': Michelle Williams opens up for the first time about Heath Ledger's death


Michelle Williams has opened up for the first time about her grief over Heath Ledger's death.

The actress, mother to five-year-old daughter Matilda with Ledger, confessed she was still struggling to come to terms with the tragedy.

'I've found meanings around the circumstance but the actual event itself - I still can't find a meaning for it,' she said.

Looking back: Michelle Williams seen at a screening for new movie Blue Valentine, has opened up for the first time about the death of her partner Heath Ledger

Looking back: Michelle Williams seen at a screening for new movie Blue Valentine, has opened up for the first time about the death of her partner Heath Ledger

Williams, 30, had tears in her eyes as she told Nightline how she sought comfort in Joan Didion's book, The Year Of Magical Thinking, following Ledger's 2008 death.

The book is an account of the year following the death of the author's husband, John Gregory Dunne.

Williams explained that there were some aspects of that first year of grief which she missed.

'In a strange way I miss that year, because all those possibilities that existed then are gone,' she said.

Close friends: Michelle also played down rumours of a romance with Blue Valentine co-star Ryan Gosling

Close friends: Michelle also played down rumours of a romance with Blue Valentine co-star Ryan Gosling

'It didn't seem unlikely to me that he could walk through a door or could appear from behind a bush.

'It was a year of very magical thinking and in some ways I'm sad to be moving further and further away from that.'

Heath Ledger with Michelle in 2006; the two had a daughter together

Heath Ledger with Michelle in 2006; the two had a daughter together

Speaking about the loss of Ledger, who died from an accidental drug overdose, she said: 'A lot of things died.

'There's a line from a book that gave me so much comfort and it said "When you've truly lost everything, then at least you can become rich in loss".'

Williams also played down rumours of a romance with actor Ryan Gosling as her Blue Valentineco-star  joined her for part of the TV interview.

The couple appeared affectionate with one another, sharing smiles and jokes, but insisted they were just friend.

Asked whether there was any truth in the relationship rumours, Gosling teased: 'Creatively, we are doing it. She's like Brigitte Bardot meets Clint Eastwood. She's like a sexy cowboy or something,' he grinned.

But pressed for an answer on whether they were dating he said: 'No. We're professionals.'

'He looks like he's lying but he's not,' Williams laughed.

'I always look like I'm lying. That's my face,' her co-star quipped.

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