Rowan Pelling's sex column: Should I confess to my affair too?
QUESTION: My husband recently confessed to a brief affair when our children were small.
This happened more than 30 years ago and I know I shouldn’t be upset, as I had a brief fling myself, which I’ve never told anyone about.
I’m not sure why I feel so angry, as it’s a tiny blip in many years of happiness. How can I let the matter go?
To tell, or not to tell? One female reader wants to know if she should admit to a 'brief fling' she had after her husband confessed about his affair
ANSWER: On paper, you should take this on the chin - you and your husband have stepped outside your marriage so neither have the right to complain. But that’s not how the heart works.
Being unfaithful doesn’t make you invulnerable to pain. It tends to makes the wound worse.
People who step outside their relationships are inclined to believe their circumstances are unique - but that facade comes crashing down when they unexpectedly find themselves vulnerable to betrayal.
So your hurt and anger seem perfectly natural. You believed your husband was the more steadfast of you both, but have discovered that was wrong.
You’ve also been feeling guilty about your own affair and now find you needn’t have done. I can’t help feeling you are asking the wrong question.
What I want to know is why you haven’t divulged your secret? It would have been the natural moment to confess, apologise and move on.
Is it possible you’re revelling in a sense of grievance? Positions of power can be hard to relinquish, but when that position is based on untruths it can make you feel insecure.
Of course, it’s possible you believe your husband would be more wounded than you were by knowledge of an affair.
However, if the feeling of power strikes even a slight chord, I’d urge you to tell the truth. Isn’t it possible you will even feel closer for having both experienced human frailty?
Send questions to Rowan at life&style@dailymail.co.uk
- Watch me! NFL player's toddler son dances to favorite song
- Video reveals El Chapo's motorbike on rails and escape...
- Mexico's Attorney General tours site of Guzman escape
- Shocking moment child no older than 12 executes ISIS captive
- Blue Angels fly by sends tents & umbrellas flying into air
- Planned Parenthood director admits to selling fetus body...
- Surveillance footage shows moment of El Chapo's escape
- Campers ride ropes course swing that killed 16-year-old girl
- How to speak Aussie : Abbreviate Everything
- Parent of missing Idaho two-year-old plea for safe return
- 13-year-old boy filmed being beaten to death in Bangladesh
- 'It looks bad, Bill': Whoopi Goldberg changes her tune on...
- 'I'm going to make you eat your words': Mexico's...
- El Chapo’s ride to freedom: First pictures of ‘motorbike on...
- EXCLUSIVE: Holly Madison was a 'weirdo' who had such a...
- El Chapo's vanishing act caught on camera! Prison cell...
- Was he abducted? Distraught parents beg for answers after...
- Pictured: Three-month-old baby who died on first day at an...
- Escape on foot because roads will liquefy and start running...
- 'You were a joy to be around and I will never forget you':...
- 'Of Course Bill Cosby is guilty': Former ‘Cosby Show’ cast...
- Macy’s 'inundated' with complaints from Donald Trump fans as...
- Pastor's daughter, 16, falls more than 100ft to her death...
- The glamour model whose T-shirt was too rude for the Pope:...