Telly? It's just for stick insects and big fat losers

Should know better: The skinny girls on America's Next Top Model make host Tyra Banks look dumpy and fat

Should know better: The skinny girls on America's Next Top Model make host Tyra Banks look dumpy and fat

The new series of America’s Next Top Model, currently being shown on Living, features girls who are taller and skinnier than ever before.

They make host Tyra Banks (right) look dumpy, and fat, and old.

I understand most (not all: one early contestant was clearly anorexic) of these contestants are merely freaks of nature, and naturally slender, so it is not the health of the potential models that concerns me.

Many who defend the industry always like to point out that ballerinas are slender, as are volleyball players, and gymnasts, and marathon runners, as if modelling were just another sport.

The crucial difference between all these women whose bodies are their profession is that athletes are not trying to sell us clothes: I never aspired to squeeze into Olympic gymnast Olga ­Korbut’s tiny leotard.

Perversely, too, the channels have never been more rammed with programmes about obese young people: Too Fat for 15, The Biggest Loser, Britain’s Fattest Man.

It’s as though the makers of these fat reality shows are in cahoots with ­fashion designers: unless you starve, and bankrupt yourselves buying our overpriced luggage, and reek of my ­perfume, you will end up looking like this!

And because only a fraction of us are born with the genes to be 6ft tall and a size 6, we end up damaging our metabolism, doomed to a lifetime of feeling too fat to be truly fabulous.

Shame on you, Tyra. I really thought you knew better...


Our government ministers are worried that British parents do not know how to bring up children properly. Apparently, some children cannot recognise letters or numbers.

Why not send a study group to Beverly Hills, that hotbed of cerebral activity, and talk to new mom Sandra Bullock, who says of her son, ‘He’s got the iPad and the iPhone and the computer with iChat.

'I bought him a desk, a mid-century desk [!], and he has the set-up. He’s amazing.’

The child is one year old.

Sandra Bullock
Catherine Zeta-Jones, Angelina Jolie

Celebrity moments: Sandra Bullock (left) has given her one-year-old an iPad, while Catherine Zeta-Jones and Angelina Jolie sport eerie waxy foreheads (right)


It's not the green dresses I want to talk about here, rather, I want to draw your
attention to the foreheads sported by these beautiful women.

Note the difference in skin tone between Catherine Zeta Jones’s body, and her face (left). The light reflected from her forehead is simply blinding.

And Angelina Jolie’s face is positively waxy! Note how their smiles do not make it as
far as the top halves of their faces. It’s positively eerie!

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