No more tears: Saturday’s acts were so poor Simon Cowell was spared another public display of emotion and treated to some ‘nasty’ thrills instead, by Jim Shelley 

By Jim Shelley for MailOnline

Published: 17:39 EST, 5 September 2015 | Updated: 19:19 EST, 5 September 2015

The sight of Simon Cowell’s tearful, speechless, reaction to Josh Daniel’s version of Jealous at the end of last Sunday’s X Factor – and the public’s response to it - was nothing if not telling.

After more than a decade as the all-powerful, ruthless, king of television and pop music, ‘the dark lord’ had become human – or to put it another way, vulnerable.

Obviously, his emotions were wrapped up in the recent death of his mother and becoming a father for the first time in his mid 50s.

But the episode had a greater significance.

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 Heartfelt: X Factor boss Simon Cowell, 55, has spoken about his on-screen breakdown, confirming the tears were shed for his beloved mother, Julie, who died a few days before the audition

 Heartfelt: X Factor boss Simon Cowell, 55, has spoken about his on-screen breakdown, confirming the tears were shed for his beloved mother, Julie, who died a few days before the audition

It confirmed the nation has started to feel sorry for him and a sign that as its annual showdown with Strictly approaching, the X Factor is suddenly in the unaccustomed position of being the underdog.

After one week ratings are fading and the winner of the last series (Ben Haenow) was the worst since the first (Steve Brookstein).

Cowell has started to look like a man whose powers are on the wane, a King Canute flailing against the tide of public opinion. Rather than someone who could do wrong, for the first time Cowell is panicking.

He has culled Dermot O’Leary, Louis Walsh, and Mel B but replaced them with two whining wimps Nick Grimshaw and Olly Murs two years too late.

Tearful: There were some tears for Rita Ora, nonetheless

Tearful: There were some tears for Rita Ora, nonetheless

He has also stubbornly stuck with Cheryl Cole, whose status as the nation’s sweetheart always was fleeting but became stale years ago.

Rather than finding his own star to save things, he had resort to raiding The Voice to bring in Rita Ora.

As the quality of the ‘talent’ gets thinner, the way his three fellow panelists kept ganging together – sending through acts he was valiantly trying to veto - was almost poignant, like seeing a king being undermined in his own court.

It all led to three words you’d never thought you’d think: poor Simon Cowell.

Here’s a summary of Saturday’s acts.

1. JAMIE BENKERT *

Lookalike: Jamie Benkert, who bore a striking resemblance to new X Factor host Olly Murs, failed to impress the judges with his ‘original’ song choice

Lookalike: Jamie Benkert, who bore a striking resemblance to new X Factor host Olly Murs, failed to impress the judges with his ‘original’ song choice

Last week it was Olly Murs’ mate Jon Goodey. Now we had to suffer Jamie Benkert not just an Olly Murs tribute act, but a semi-stalker - despite the fact he couldn’t pronounce his hero’s name properly.

‘I love Olly Mares,’ Benkert said bizarrely. ‘I think Olly Mares is great. I’d love Olly Mares to be one of my friends. I’d love to be an international superstar – like Olly Mares. Selling records worldwide - like Olly Mares. I want to be going on stages all over the world – like Olly Mares. Selling out arenas... Like Olly Mares.’

‘Have you heard of a film called Single White Female?’ asked Cowell, pointedly. ‘You better watch it tonight Olly. And lock your front door.’

Jamie performed an ‘original’ song ‘Dance All Night’ that sounded exactly like ‘Dance With Me Tonight’, with the same affected American intonation, cod sub-Stevie ‘soul’, and forced cheeky chappy cockiness.

Cowell put him through on the proviso ‘we are going to have to un-Olly you’ – as if even knew that the last thing the world needs is another Olly Murs.

2. FLAXEN *

Two brassy blondes from Leeds, Flaxen promised ‘we can sing, dance, and we’ve got a little surprise for you. It’s something that’s never been seen before.’

This turned out to be a halfhearted attempt to perform some fire eating which still had Nick Grimshaw looking on in amazement, like a little kid.

‘I don’t have words,’ said Cheryl Cole.

In other words much like one of her live performances.

3. ALIEN $$$

Fierce! X Factor girl band Alien impressed the judges with their rendition of Black Eyed Peas – Pump It, showing off their individual styles during the energetic audition 

Fierce! X Factor girl band Alien impressed the judges with their rendition of Black Eyed Peas – Pump It, showing off their individual styles during the energetic audition 

Alien should have been called GAWA: Girls Aloud With Attitude.

‘I could go to a concert by you now and I know I wouldn’t be bored,’ Cheryl gushed based on one song, evidently amazed at seeing a girl band with so much verve and style.

‘I literally cannot wait to see you again !’ trilled Grimmy, although he will literally have to.

‘Every single female from any part of the planet can relate to every single one of you !’ raved Rita, not getting carried away at all.

Mind you, they did wipe the floor with Little Mix.

4. ZEN BLYTHE *

‘That’s such a cool name,’ droned Cheryl, who is EXACTLY the type of person who would think it was. Encouraged by the mindless screaming of the audience, Cheryl, Rita, and Grimmy voted Zen through – regardless of the fact he couldn’t sing, leaving Cowell looking like the kid in The Emperor’s New Clothes.

‘I didn’t like the audition at all. I just didn’t like your voice.’

It was just a shame he hadn’t given himself a veto.

Hopeful: Theatre usher and musician Zen melted fellow Newcastle's Cheryl’s heart with his laid performance of Bastille’s Pompeii but sadly, Simon was less than impressed, giving the curly haired singer a big fat no

Hopeful: Theatre usher and musician Zen melted fellow Newcastle's Cheryl’s heart with his laid performance of Bastille’s Pompeii but sadly, Simon was less than impressed, giving the curly haired singer a big fat no

5. DANNY CHARLES **

The same thing happened with the ersatz ‘soul’ of the 25 year-old from Essex who murdered Donny Hathaway’s Sings A Song For You.

‘You absolutely smashed it !’ claimed Rita Ora.

‘I’d call it slightly cracked it,’ corrected Cowell to no avail.

6. SIMON LYNCH **

This well-spoken Jack Whitehall type came from the Isle of Man.

‘Is that near the Isle of Wight ?’ asked Ora, brightly, as if all islands were close by.

Cheryl had so much mascara on it was hard to tell if she was actually crying, or had any eyes, while Cowell claimed the version of ‘If I Were A Boy’ reminded him ‘what singing is all about – taking risks.’

Yes, Simon Cowell said that.

7. SHIANNE PHILLIPS **

A dental nurse from Swindon via Toronto, Shianne had the music biz pedigree, the stage presence, and a voice that was an approximation of what stronger, better, singers sound like. Her desperation when Cowell cut her dead only confirmed she had blown it.

‘Put me through and you won’t regret it !’ she pleaded, stopping short of the old ‘I want this so much !’ Thankfully, Rita Ora’s casting vote was a negative one.

8. STEPHANIE McCOURT **

Like Shianne, she told the judges she had also had various ‘knock-backs’ from the industry that had left her with ‘a self-confidence issue.’

‘I always think when you get on a stage like this, it can change your life,’ Cowell suggested helpfully.

So no pressure then.

Frankly it wasn’t hard to see why she hadn’t made it.

Her version of ‘Summertime’ was pure cruise ship chicken-in-a-basket fare.

‘You’ve got some really good tones in your voice,’ said Cheryl – as if she was an authority on singing.

‘I think you are 100% authentic,’ said Cowell, even more improbably.

Stunning range: Simon was finally impressed by a contestant who shared the same name as him, with the 23-year-old singer from the Isle of Man giving a remarkable performance of Beyoncé's If I Were A Boy 

Stunning range: Simon was finally impressed by a contestant who shared the same name as him, with the 23-year-old singer from the Isle of Man giving a remarkable performance of Beyoncé's If I Were A Boy 

9. STEVIE JOHNSON *

When Johnson said ‘I actually sing for a living’, he sounded as surprised as we were. He meant in holiday parks and ‘I Feel Good’ was Butlins quality and made us feel bad. His dancing, said Cheryl, was like Stevi Ritchie - as if this was a positive and they predictably put him through for his novelty value.

10. BUPSI ****

Nicola ‘Bupsi’ Brown could sing and was a terrific character.

‘You’ve got a kind face,’ Cowell told her, as if waiting for her to say ‘so have you’ but waiting a long time.

The way he cut short her generic version of The Beatles’ All My Loving was clearly rehearsed but quite entertaining.

‘You’re too nice,’ complained Cowell.

‘If you want Nasty, Simon, I’ll do that right now,’ she retorted.

‘I want nasty,’ he said, sounding like a timid businessman talking to a dominatrix.

‘Let’s stop the talking. I’m going to get nasty.’

‘But I want it really nasty !’ he stressed.

Her version of Tina Turner’s Rock Me Baby was pretty raw, with her raucous antics winning extra props from the boss.

‘I just loved it when you got on the desk !’ he couldn’t help admitting, laughing.

It was quite a surprising, revealing, confession. But it was better than seeing him in tears. 

Daring: Simon demanded for 'too nice' Bupsi to 'nasty-up' her performance - and she certainly didn't let the music mogul down with what happened next 

Daring: Simon demanded for 'too nice' Bupsi to 'nasty-up' her performance - and she certainly didn't let the music mogul down with what happened next 

 

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