OFFICE ROMANCES WILL NEVER WORK

Lynda Lee-Potter

Last updated at 00:00 28 January 2004


EXECUTIVES at Lancaster City Council have drawn up a document which requires any member of their 1,100 staff to let them know if they have an affair Actually, obedient an courage any employee enough to divulge affair wouldn't have the to begin a liaison in the first place.

But bosses needn't worry because affairs between colleagues are easy to spot.

They never speak to each other at work, though there's passionate, throbbing eye contact when they think no one else is looking. Before their regular lunchtime tryst, she spends ages in the ladies doing her face, and he leaves five minutes later wearing his best suit. She blushes if he comes into the room and pretends to be frantically busy.

When male colleagues discuss her attractiveness, he lies and says: 'She doesn't do anything for me.' My advice to anyone on the brink of an office affair is: don't. It always gets found out and usually ends in tears.

If you're dumped, it's hard to recover. If you do the jilting, the mournful eyes of your ex are an ever-present accusation that you're a bounder or a bitch. Also, there's the constant fear that he or she will seek revenge by telling the boss.

Fancying a colleague makes going to work more fun. The vital thing is not to do anything about it.