West Ham United 2-0 Newcastle United Barclays Premier League RESULT: Dimitri Payet double leaves Toon bottom

A close to perfect evening for West Ham and their fans who continue their good start to the season.

But for Newcastle it's a very long trip back to the North East. Bottom of the table, can't buy a goal. Surely it can only get better for the Toon? It can't really get much worse.

That's all from me - thanks for following.

A well deserved 2-0 win over Newcastle sees West Ham climb up to fifth in the table and a hero seems to be born in the form of Dimitri Payet who continues to impress following his summer move.

Next up is Manchester City and the way the Hammers are playing you just wouldn't rule them out of getting something.

By contrast it's been a miserable evening for Newcastle. They are now bottom of the table having scored less goals than Sunderland.

90min: There will be three added minutes. It could be 33 as far as this match goes - it still wouldn't stop West Ham winning comfortably.

Newcastle could play for the next week and not score. McClaren has a big challenge on his hands to get this Toon side firing again.

88min: Free-kick to West Ham, and after winning the set-piece, Moses is hauled off following a impressive debut to applause from the West ham crowd.

There is also a big cheer as Carroll comes on to replace him - his first act is to challenge Krul for a cross into the box. Andy's back...

84min: But it's West ham who are back on the attack and there are expectant cheers around the ground as Andy Carroll prepares to make his return from injury.

Tim Krul saves at the sliding feet of Sakho inside the box. Brave keeping that - diving at a player's studs doesn't exactly sound like the best idea...

81min: Better. West Ham have dropped deep and Siem De Jong's deflected effort from 20 yards has to be tipped over at full stretch by Randolph. A Newcastle goal now would really liven this contest up.

Don't hold your breath for one though. Newcastle haven't scored a league goal since the opening day of the season.

79min: On comes Aarons as he replaces Georginio Wijnaldum. The Toon have to give this some sort of go in the remaining moments of this match. They have been so disappointing going forward this evening.

77min: Just over 10 minutes remain for Newcastle to rescue something from this game and youngster Roland Aarons is preparing to come on.

74min: Janmaat, a full-back, has proven Newcastle's best attacker tonight as he once again tests Randolph.

This is the West Ham keeper's easiest save so far though as after Janmaat collects a headed clearance from Cresswell, the Dutchman stabs a lofted effort straight into the hands of the stopper.

Meanwhile, Bilic looks like he is going to take off on the touchline after Massadio Haidara crunches in with a sliding tackle on Kouyate. I've seen cleaner challenges but it seemed a fair tackle.

72min: West Ham are back on the attack, looking for a third goal which would kill this game stone dead.

Jenkinson's byline cross is hit with plenty of power... a bit too much power perhaps as it nearly takes off Sakho's head as he tries to divert it towards goal. Instead the ball takes off towards the corner flag.

69min: Smart call from the referee whose eagle eyes spot that Perez trips Noble on the very edge of the Newcastle box to the right.

It doesn't look like a shooting opportunity but Cresswell thinks otherwise as his powerfully hit effort just creeps wide of the near post.

66min: It's taken far too long but Newcastle's travelling support finally have reasons for optimism. A ball played along the box finds Janmaat, whose low and powerful near post effort is turned behind by West Ham keeper Darren Randolph.

63min: The last five or 10 minutes has once again seen Newcastle dominate the ball but there is still nothing coming from it.

I can't help but feel this is all just a West Ham counter attack waiting to happen...

60min: On the hour, McClaren reacts. It's a double change for Newcastle as Vurnon Anita, who has just fired over the bar from 25 yards, is replaced by Siem de Jong.

Ayoze Perez is also on, replacing Thauvin.

59min: Instead it's West Ham with a change, their second of the evening, as Pedro Obiang replaces Lanzini.

57min: Can Newcastle at least survive this game with 11 men? Jamaat is now booked for a late challenge on Cheikhou Kouyate as the Toon continue to labour.

Surely Steve McClaren must be thinking of changes, his side are still creating absolutely nothing.

54min: Now here's one chap I feel sorry for. Papiss Cisse has had no service all evening and once he finally get a sniff of a chance he snaps a shot wide.

The Toon looked good on the ball before the break, they don't even have that in their favour anymore.

51min: I'm not even sure if McClaren had made it out from the dressing room in time to see that goal.

More frustration for Newcastle though. Their own set-piece has proven their downfall all night, and why didn't one of the Toon defenders just foul Moses? Not exactly sporting conduct, but it's a results business. Just make the foul and collect a booking!

48min: Once again West Ham counter and finally Newcastle pay dearly. A Toon free-kick is cleared away and it results in Victor Moses showing sensational pace to blitz through the Newcastle defence, before turning another marker inside the box and smashing a shot off the underside of the crossbar.

From the rebound though, Dimitri Payet tucks home the rebound past Vurnon Anita on the line.

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He's been the star of the half, involved in pretty much all of West Ham's attacks as well as netting a superb openinh goal.

Newcastle haven't been able to shackle Dimitri Payet so far, with Vurnon Anita often seen puffing his cheeks out during the first half such is the work load he has had to put in tracking the midfielder.

Here is Payet's first half-heat map...

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Newcastle have had over 60 per cent of the ball but they have created so very little from it. Daryl Janmaat was denied from close range but apart from that, Steve McClaren's side are being picked off on the counter attack by a West Ham side keen to pounce on Newcastle mistakes rather than make their own chances - Payet's classy goal aside.

45min: That would have been some strike! A byline cross falls for Mark Noble 18 years out, but his attempted volley on the dropping ball is well off target. Not an easy technique to nail but worth a go. There will be one added minute.

43min: There's that West Ham counter again! Moses' clever flick following a Newcastle corner results in Lanzini playing a direct ball to Payet on the halfway line.

Moses then sprints from one penalty box to the other to run onto Payet's pass, only to slice horribly wide 20 yards out.

42min: That is indeed the end of Ogbonna, who walks off gingerly to applause from the home fans as he is replaced by Carl Jenkinson.

39min: Concerns for West Ham and not just because Newcastle have won a corner. Angelo Ogbonna has gone down holding his left hamstring, and you don't usually just run those off...

36min: There's a rather concerned shake of the head from Bilic as Newcastle begin to see more of the ball, but their creativity has left much to be desired in this first half.

Florian Thauvin has been constantly involved but it's all a lot of hot air and nothing more from the Toon right now.

33min: West Ham haven't really created too much since taking the lead but they look more comfortable than Newcastle.

The counter attack is still a weapon of choice as too many of Newcastle's crosses are easily cleared, with Colback's latest attempted chip into the box after cutting inside easily headed clear by Winston Reid.

30min: Slam dunk booking for Jack Colback who is cautioned for a blatant trip on Cheikhou Kouyate.

Steve McClaren reacts by turning his eyes away from the pitch in frustration, although I don't know if that is at the referee of his own player.

'A little bit of banter between the two sets of fans as Andy Carroll, finally free of the injury nightmare that plagued him throughout last season, jogs out to warm applause to stretch those long legs.

'‘Andy Carroll, he left cos you’re s***’ sing the Hammers fans. Or it may have been that £35m bid from Liverpool was too big to turn down.'

28min: I'm a big fan of shoot on sight but there has to be a line drawn somewhere. Massadio Haidara collects the ball 30 yards out and after taking a touch he shanks the ball well off target. Tough evening for the ball boys.

25min: Payet is looking a real handful for Newcastle to deal with so far, especially Vurnon Anita who allowed the midfielder to skip into space for the first goal.

Payet squares the ball for Manuel Lanzini 25 yards out, but his shot is well over the bar.

23min: Andy Carroll is going for a warm-up on the Upton Park touchline and he is being given a very warm reception from the home crowd who applaud the striker following his return from injury.

Speaking of touchlines, it appears McClaren and Bilic are getting along just fine...

20min: Janmaat nearly makes amends for that error though, playing a one-two with Georginio Wijnaldum (although not the smoothest) before seeing his point-blank range effort from six yards blocked by Darren Randolph.

18min: Taxi for Daryl Janmaat! The Newcastle defender is still looking up the pitch after Victor Moses uses neat skill to turn the Dutchman, but despite his low cross falling for Payet via Diafra Sakho, the midfielder can this time only stab wide under pressure.

15min: Newcastle attempt to respond but Jack Colback's effort is blocked before his pass after collecting the rebound results in the offside flag going up.

'That’s the class of Dimitri Payet right there. Knew exactly where to position himself, on the edge of the box, to round off a well-worked West Ham move with a sweeping finish into the top corner.

'Bilic has gone for broke with an attacking formation this evening and it’s already paid off for him. ‘Super Slaven Bilic’ chant both ends of the ground.'

9min: The previous pet peeve probably doesn't rank higher than your team conceding though!

What a beautiful strike this is. Mark Noble lays a pass across the 18-yard box and with a first time side-footed strike, Dimitri Payet picks out the top corner with quite sunning technique and power. Tim Krul no chance!

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7min: So where does this rank on your list of pet peeves in football?

Your team wins a corner, a good chance to score from a set-piece, but wastes it after failing to kick the ball over the head of the first man.

Newcastle fans I feel your frustration after Florain Thauvin does exactly that.

5min: Now it's Jack Colback's turn to pass the ball straight out of play. This time though a Newcastle player was running onto it, only for Winston Reid to track across and cover well to allow the ball to run out. Even start.

2min: Early warnings for Newcastle. West Ham hit the Toon on the counter attack as Dimitri Payet breaks down the left, but after cutting inside he plays a reverse pass to absolutely no one resulting in the ball rolling out for a goal kick.

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'They sure love a montage here at West Ham. The final 10 minutes before kick-off filled with three on the big screen showing classic moments in Hammers history played our to stirring music played at ear-splitting volume.

'Still, this is a momentous season in their history and there’s plenty of history to celebrate.'

The traffic and transport has been horrendous outside the ground, but it seems many supporters have made it to the stadium on time.

Being late seems to be in fashion this evening though, with the players out on to the pitch just three minutes before kick-off.

It's a big night for Diafra Sakho, who will have to be on his toes with Andy Carroll having returned from seven months out injured.

Sakho scored in West Ham's 3-0 win at Liverpool last time out, despite his heat map (below) suggesting he struggled to get the ball near the Reds box.

However that just proves he was clinical on the day, so can Newcastle keep him quiet tonight?

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'It was gridlocked coming down here,' Steve McClaren told Sky Sports. 'The police did very well to get us here in the time we did. We have to deal with it.

'Papiss Cisse can score goals but it's a big night for team. We have made a stuttering start playing with 10 men for two games. We need to put a marker down and say this is what we are. They have a very attacking team so we have to defend well.'

'Good Evening from a very soggy Boleyn where West Ham are playing Newcastle United.

'And it’s already advantage Hammers with the Newcastle team coach snarled up in the infernal East End traffic. Luckily they have now arrived but hardly the ideal preparation on top of that already arduous journey from the north-east.

'Those in the Hammers faithful hoping to see the new acquisitions from their brisk deadline day business are partially served. Victor Moses starts in attack but Nikica Jelavic and Michail Antonio begin on the bench, weapons for Slaven Bilic to bring on should the evening not quite pan out as planned.

'And there will be a warm reception for Andy Carroll as well, named on the bench as he edges closer to a return following his injury nightmare.

'Bilic comes up against Steve McClaren for the first time since that unforgettable night at Wembley in 2007 when Croatia ruined England’s qualification hopes for Euro 2008. I was there that evening and it was an unpleasant night all round for any Englishman.

'In his programme column (and the edition has another terrific retro cover by the way) Bilic reiterates that it was always about teams rather than managers. ‘It was England vs Croatia, not Bilic vs McClaren,’ he write. ‘And tonight it’s West Ham vs Newcastle.’ He adds that he felt sympathy when McClaren was sacked shortly after that fateful evening.'

West Ham legend Frank McAvennie is at Upton Park this evening (one of the lucky few to have beaten the traffic.)

Sportsmail's Matt Lawless has already spoken to the former Hammers striker and you can read more on how he became a sensation at Upton Park by clicking here.

'If you're on the Barking Road heading to Upton Park, park your car and walk. Traffic is ridiculous.'

'It's good to have options and quality what we finally have,' Bilic told Sky Sports. 'We done really good in the transfer window and I'm looking forward.

'We are playing a big club and they need points but we try to do everything to win. [On Steve McLaren's start at Newcastle] 'It's still early days, they were very active in the transfer window and of course they need time to gel but he is a terrific coach.

'He has done jobs in different countries and I rate him as a coach and as a person.'

They had to walk the last part of the journey, but the Toon are here. Whether they will be ready remains to be seen.

Either way it's just one change for both teams with West Ham giving a debut to Victor Moses following his loan switch from Chelsea as he replaces Pedro Obiang.

Newcastle start Papiss Cisse in attack in place of the suspended Aleksandar Mitrovic. Andy Carroll is on the bench for the Hammers as he looks to face his former club.

Due to horrendous traffic in East London, Newcastle STILL haven't arrived. Will keep you posted on any developments...

West Ham: Randolph, Reid, Tomkins, Ogbonna, Cresswell, Noble, Kouyate, Lanzini, Moses, Sakho, Payet.
Subs: Carroll, Jenkinson, Obiang, Collins, Jelavic, Antonio, Spiegel.

Newcastle: Krul, Janmaat, Mbemba, Coloccini, Haidara, Anita, Colback, Sissoko, Wijnaldum, Thauvin, Cisse.
Subs: De Jong, Gouffran, Obertan, Lascelles, Aarons, Perez, Darlow.

Referee: Anthony Taylor (Cheshire)

West Ham starting XI: Randolph, Cresswell, Reid, Tomkins, Ogbonna, Kouyate, Noble, Payet, Lanzini, Moses, Sakho.

Newcastle starting XI: Krul, Haidara, Mbemba, Coloccini, Janmaat, Colback, Sissoko, Thauvin, Anita, Wijnaldum, Cisse.

Team news will be on the way next. Will Andy Carroll (hipster bun and all) feature against his former club?

Shame about the modern day prices though... Either way it's new signing Michail Antonio on the cover who could make his Hammers debut this evening following his switch from Nottingham Forest.

Nine down one to go. Here are the full set of results from matchday five, with West Ham and Newcastle's clash at Upton Park the last to be played this evening.

Click here for more fixtures, tables and results with our excellent Match Zone

Well if it doesn't, the words 'wally with the brolly' might jog your memory.

For the first time since England's infamous 3-2 defeat at Wembley by Croatia that cost them a Euro 2008 spot, Slaven Bilic and Steve McClaren meet in a competitive match as managers as West Ham take on Newcastle to conclude the weekend's Premier League action.

Much has changed for both since that fateful night in 2007, but let's hope they still have a five-goal thriller in them...

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