The truth about the Big O: Anonymous women reveal the secrets of their sexual desires on graphic viral blog

  • Tumblr 'How To Make Me Come' set up by 27-year-old writer 
  • 72 nameless contributors detailed their experiences   
  • More than half of the blog readers are male  

For many men, the female orgasm in an elusive, mysterious and complex experience. However, a new blog, on which anonymous women explain what gives them sexual satisfaction, hopes to communicate the mechanics of female climax. 

The Tumblr called 'How To Make Me Come' was set up by a 27-year-old writer - who goes by the nom de plume Sylvia - following an unsatisfying experience of her own.

To date, 72 nameless contributors have written graphic essays on their own encounters, needs and desires. 

Tumblr 'How To Make Me Come' was set up by a 27-year-old writer who goes by the nom de plume Sylvia following an unsatisfying experience of her own (Picture posed by models) 

Tumblr 'How To Make Me Come' was set up by a 27-year-old writer who goes by the nom de plume Sylvia following an unsatisfying experience of her own (Picture posed by models) 

'Suffice to say, it was not the greatest experience either physically or emotionally,' she told The Times

'I felt like he misunderstood what I was going through sexually and I was unable to talk about it in the moment.'

A lack of communication between partners seems to be a common theme throughout the entries. 

Many women feel frustrated at their inability to discuss sex and orgasms - whether that be with a one-night stand or a long-term spouse. 

Sylvia believes this is because women want to please, not hurt a partner's feelings or end up feeling awkward with someone they don't know very well. 

But after discussing her own bad experience with a friend, she realised being frank was key. 

She told the newspaper: 'We'd never discussed sex in so much detail and so honestly. At the end I felt very charged up about it and thought that I needed to give this feeling to other women.

'It became obvious very quickly that women are itching to talk about all this.'

To date, 72 nameless contributors have written graphic essays on their own encounters, needs and desires (Picture posed by models)

To date, 72 nameless contributors have written graphic essays on their own encounters, needs and desires (Picture posed by models)

Introducing the blog, she writes: 'Imagine you could give this essay to a past or future sexual partner, free of judgement or repercussion. 

'What would you want them to know? A more general approach was to simply speak about your relationship to orgasm, whatever that means to you, in whatever way you wanted.'

She added: 'The female orgasm can sometimes be challenging to achieve and/or talk about, but it goes beyond that. 

'When we talk about female orgasm, something deeper is at play—for one, the societal assessment and conversation of female sexuality; the consequences of which bleed into the areas of our lives far outside the bedroom. 

'We wanted to start a dialogue about how women achieve sexual pleasure; something that is often ignored, devalued, or misunderstood. 

'Here is our look into the spectrum of desire. Of frustration. Of experiences that have left an impact.'

Sylvia hopes that women find the process 'therapeutic' and aims to create a sense of 'community'. 

A lack of communication between partners seems to be a common theme throughout the entries (Picture posed by models)

A lack of communication between partners seems to be a common theme throughout the entries (Picture posed by models)

After asking friends to contribute, the blog gained momentum with women eager to speak openly about their experiences. 

Entries cover a range of topics including sexual orientation, sadomasochism, masturbation, affairs and threesomes. 

One writer said she used to pretend to orgasm in order to satisfy her partner:  'For so long, my self-esteem has been hanging not by a thread, but by a tiny tiny shaving of a fingernail from a nail file. 

'I’ve wanted guys to like me so badly. I’ve needed their validation in place of my own. When people would say, “You deserve something real,” I would shutter away from the conversation.'

Another contributor wrote of her desire to experiment with both men and women - but she felt nervous about explaining this to her family: 'I spent the first 25 years of my life as a lesbian, knowing I was always secretly bisexual, but knowing also that my conservative family could never understand the diversity of sexuality, of people, and of lovers.' 

One adventurous woman detailed why it is okay for modern women to want to be promiscuous: 'I love a one-night stand. I love making out for hours in bars and in doorways and in the street. I love sex on the hood of some random’s car in your own neighbourhood. I love staying up all night with unavailable men and giving them too long hugs and hard kisses on the cheek.'

The Tumblr appears to have resonated with men with Sylvia revealing that half of the readers are male. 

One writer wrote how her sex life improved after she and her lover spoke out about their needs: 'When my boyfriend and I start listening to each other with our bodies, we have some really good conversations. 

'I am not great at communicating in words what I want or don’t want, and sometimes I don’t even know what that is. But my body sure knows.' 

She said many of the stories contradict one another, which shows the importance of women communicating their personal sexual preferences to the person they are sharing their body with.

'Whether it's a one-night stand or a serious long-term relationship, we all have to admit that we can't read our partners' minds and they can't read ours,' she said.

'We need to speak up.'

She believes that women also want to feel safe so they can experience 'letting go and experiencing true pleasure'

What women REALLY want: Anonymous writers share their experiences  

Foreplay is important 

'For me, while actual intercourse is obviously awesome, I think that everything leading up to it is equally, if not more important.'

Ask questions

'Don’t be afraid to have a dialogue before, during, and after sex. Ask us questions, and when we answer those questions, LISTEN. Any woman is going to appreciate a man who is attentive to her sexual needs and wants.'

Partners should be understanding and patient  

'Try to keep up with my endurance. It takes me a while to get in, but when I’m in, I’m all in. And please don’t be okay with me not having an orgasm. Unless I tell you I don’t want to. Then I mean it, the moment has passed.' 

Make a woman feel wanted  

'I want you to look at me, desire me, cherish me, make me feel like I’m everything you’ve been wanting, but please don’t stare at me. Eye contact for the sake of eye contact has pressure written all over it. Let me connect and disconnect. An important aspect of sex, for me, is fantasising.'

Love is crucial  

'Not necessarily “Let’s get married and have lots of babies” love, but definitely “You’re a human and deserve to be seen and heard” love.' 

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