JP and Binky break up before they've even got together – even though they've been sleeping together all along! Made In Chelsea LA was a total sham, by Jim Shelley

On Made In Chelsea LA the impact of the bizarre revelation that JP and Binky were going to break up before they had actually got together didn't last long.

The trailer for next week's episode revealed they had been sleeping together for weeks!

This was a novel concept: a clip that showed the episode we had just been watching – and most of the preceding programmes – were in fact a fiction, a fabrication, a distortion. In other words, complete rubbish and a total sham. Then again, it was Made In Chelsea. So not that strange at all…

Scroll down for video 

Blank: Binky appeared to be suffering from one of Alex Mytton's 'mind blanks' as she appeared to have forgotten she had slept with JP. On the plus side she still had Lovely Hair

Blank: Binky appeared to be suffering from one of Alex Mytton's 'mind blanks' as she appeared to have forgotten she had slept with JP. On the plus side she still had Lovely Hair

At the start it looked as if the big drama of the night was going to be Binky finally plucking up courage to ask JP out or suggest they became an item, seemingly totally unaware that she had already slept with him.

Maybe those 'mind blanks' Alex Mytton had been suffering from when he was seeing her were contagious.

Fools that we are, we assumed this was a fait accompli – given that Binky and JP obviously liked each other so much (so much that they had shared the same bed).

'So you finally know that you like him?' Lucy 'Lucy Watson' clarified, as if this was one of the mysteries that had been befuddling mankind's greatest minds. (Stephen Hawking was said to be struggling with it.)

Confused: JP found the question of whether to go out with Binky 'confusing' - possibly because he preferred James instead and definitely because, it transpired, he preferred to stay in with Binky

Confused: JP found the question of whether to go out with Binky 'confusing' - possibly because he preferred James instead and definitely because, it transpired, he preferred to stay in with Binky

'I think we're both just complicated souls,' offered the man himself. JP that is, not Stephen Hawking…

You will find lumps of wood more complicated than JP and Binks.

James had explained Binky's decision to Lucy Watson, lounging round the pool reluctantly wearing only a bikini. (Lucy that is, not James.) 'I had a conversation with Binky,' he droned. 'Things are different to what I thought. She actually likes JP and wants to make it work with him!'

Hold the front page – if there was one.

You could tell Lucy was certainly stunned – and not just by her expression, which is pretty much permanently that way.

'Oh my God!' she gasped.

Stumped: Lucy 'Lucy Watson' Watson (right) and little Louise Thompson (orange) couldn't believe that Binky had 'feelings' for JP - and they were yet to find out exactly what those feelings were

Stumped: Lucy 'Lucy Watson' Watson (right) and little Louise Thompson (orange) couldn't believe that Binky had 'feelings' for JP - and they were yet to find out exactly what those feelings were

'He's not going to expect it at all.'

That's what you think mate!

Alex Mytton had also given Binky his seal of approval.

'JP is a really lovely guy. He's honest and decent.'

And let's face it, Mytton should know. He's never been one but he's heard about men like that.

Louise was keen for Binky to go for it too – little knowing that was precisely what Binky had been doing.

'I haff to say Jay-Pee and James are looking quite good with their bodies,' she drooled, trying to force the memory (or the mammary) of Alex and his man boobs out of her mind.

Secretive: Binky took the big decision to ask JP out - even though they had already been sleeping together - something - like her drunken attack on some girls JP had been talking to a aparty - that was obviously considered too interesting to include in the show 

Secretive: Binky took the big decision to ask JP out - even though they had already been sleeping together - something - like her drunken attack on some girls JP had been talking to a aparty - that was obviously considered too interesting to include in the show 

As for Watson's advice, it transpired she was right when she told Binky: 'I think that delivery is everything.'

'I've been kind of dreading this conversation for a while…' Binky announced to JP, off to a flyer.

To say things went downhill from there was an understatement.

JP proved to be as wet as he was wooden – a drip and a big lump.

'I've let my guard down,' he fretted (and not just his guard we later found out from the trailer). 'It's just so confusing for me…'

Something confusing on Made In Chelsea certainly sounded unlikely and so it proved.

'What's there to be confused about?!' Binky demanded. 'I think you're just scared.'

In fact he was scared AND confused, like most men.

Revelation: James makes the shock announcement that Binky and JP actually like each other as Lucy Watson listens avidly, reluctantly half naked

Revelation: James makes the shock announcement that Binky and JP actually like each other as Lucy Watson listens avidly, reluctantly half naked

On the one hand he did like Binky. (He was sleeping with her after all). On the other, he was worried about getting into his first 'serious' relationship with Binky – an emotionally scarred, semi-alcoholic, consumed by jealous rages, albeit one with Lovely Hair.

This, at least, was how JP thought of her – mostly because of an incident we had unfortunately never seen in which she attacked some girls he was talking to at a party. (It's a shame this wasn't featured – it would have easily been the highlight of the whole series.)

Not that he was unsympathetic, he stressed. Binky only had these train loads of unbearable 'baggage' because of the way she had been treated by her boyfriends in the past, he said. (Alex Mytton this means you.)

It was all a bit much to take – for us, not to mention old Binky. It was almost as if he had been stringing us along the whole time purely for the sake of entertainment (if you can call it that).

Binky of course took it personally – rather than, as she should have, as a narrow escape.

Anguish: JP looked utterly devastated as he realises he has turned down Binky and everyone is now going to know what a sly dog he is - or a very posh slut

Anguish: JP looked utterly devastated as he realises he has turned down Binky and everyone is now going to know what a sly dog he is - or a very posh slut

Emotional: Binky was visibly upset when JP turned her down, and she added to her pals that 'the things he said made me feel like a f**k up and I'm not a f**k up' #NoComment

Emotional: Binky was visibly upset when JP turned her down, and she added to her pals that 'the things he said made me feel like a f**k up and I'm not a f**k up' #NoComment

'He's a proper coward. The things he said made me a bit sick to be honest,' she told Louise and Lucy. 'They made me feel like a f**k up and I'm not a f**k up.'

You can debate this amongst yourselves.

It wasn't a massive surprise to see that Mytton was wholly sympathetic – towards JP that is.

'Did you freak out that she can be a bit jealous and a bit boisterous?' he suggested as if 'jealousy' had been the problem with all those orgies he had attended at Spencer's house and 'boisterous' was his word for 'bonkers.'

'When we go out, I do not like her as a person flat out,' JP reiterated about Binky's drunken jealous rages, although he obviously seemed perfectly fine about her staying in (in his bed).

Eventually the possibility that he had messed up dawned on him. Plus it was in the script. He plodded round to Binky's house to explain himself and make amends only to find she had gone.

Happ-air: There was clear evidence that, as Louise put it,  'Bink-air' and 'Jay-Pee' could have been happ-air together - if only Binky wasn't such a jealous semi-alcoholic and JP wasn't such a cowardly rat

Happ-air: There was clear evidence that, as Louise put it,  'Bink-air' and 'Jay-Pee' could have been happ-air together - if only Binky wasn't such a jealous semi-alcoholic and JP wasn't such a cowardly rat

'Bink-air has left the count-rair!' stormed little Louise Thompson, puffing herself up to look bigger but only looking rounder. 'Becawse she's rilly, rilly, devast-airted.'

Weren't we all?

'You've basically broken up without giving it a shot.'

'The one thing I didn't want was to hurt her and lose her and I've done both,' droned JP – even though that's actually two things.

The main thing was clearly that we should all feel sorry for HIM.

'Dew yew not think yew could haff cut it off a bit sooner?!' cried Louise – which would surely have been a rather drastic measure.

'What I am NOT OK with is all guys categorising Bink-air as having this awful past !' continued Louise, even though she had. 'I don't want her to be stigmatised by that for LIFE.'

Conducting her relationships on Made In Chelsea probably didn't help.

Red Alert: let's hope JP hasn't driven poor Binkers back into the arms of the man that made her such a mess in the first place: the dreaded DJ Alex Mytton

Red Alert: let's hope JP hasn't driven poor Binkers back into the arms of the man that made her such a mess in the first place: the dreaded DJ Alex Mytton

 

The comments below have not been moderated.

The views expressed in the contents above are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of MailOnline.

We are no longer accepting comments on this article.

Who is this week's top commenter? Find out now