'I've lived with depression since age 13': Sarah Silverman reveals she medicates and is in therapy to cope with disorder but still has 'downward spirals' 

By Rachel Mcgrath For Dailymail.com

Published: 10:53 EST, 13 October 2015 | Updated: 12:56 EST, 13 October 2015

Sarah Silverman has battled clinical depression since she was a teenager and the actress and comedienne speaks candidly about that struggle in a new interview for Glamour magazine.

The 44-year-old bravely reveals she takes a low maintenance dose of anti-depressant Zoloft every day and has a therapist - two things that help her function.

'I've lived with depression and learned to control it, or at least to ride the waves as best I can,' she said. 'The dark years and those ups and downs—chemical and otherwise—have always informed my work.'

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The dark side: Sarah talked to Glamour magazine about how she's learned to live with the crippling condition

The dark side: Sarah Silverman has suffered from clinical depression since she was 13 and talks to Glamour magazine about how she's learned to live with the crippling condition

The issue: Sandra Bullock appeared on the cover of Glamour and Sarah's interview is inside

The issue: Sandra Bullock appeared on the cover of Glamour and Sarah's interview is inside

The pretty brunette told the magazine she first experienced depression at 13.

She had just returned from a school camping trip, that she described as having been 'miserable,' and as she got off the bus, her mom was there to greet her and take photos.

'Seeing her made the stress of the last few days hit home, and something shifted inside me. It happened as fast as the sun going behind a cloud,' Silverman explained.

'I couldn't deal with being with my friends, I didn't go to school for months, and I started having panic attacks.'

Screen version: The 44-year-old actress and comedienne tackles the impact depression has on people's lives in the new independent movie I Smile Back, which she promoted in New York on Monday

Screen version: The 44-year-old actress and comedienne tackles the impact depression has on people's lives in the new independent movie I Smile Back, which she promoted in New York on Monday

For three years, she was on medication to treat the depression and the panic attacks that came with it.

When her stepfather asked her what being depressed felt like, she said she told him, 'It feels like I'm desperately homesick, but I'm home.'

At 16, after getting to the point where she was taking four Xanax pills up to four times a day and walking through life 'like a zombie', she found a new therapist who weaned her off the drugs.

And for a few years life was fine again. She enrolled in university in New York and was hired as a writer and performer on Saturday Night Live. Then the depression came back.

After majoring in drama at New York University and doing stand-up comedy, Silverman was hired for the 1993-94 season of Saturday Night Live. She's shown returning for a guest appearance as Joan Rivers in a 2014 skit

After majoring in drama at New York University and doing stand-up comedy, Silverman was hired for the 1993-94 season of Saturday Night Live. She's shown returning for a guest appearance as Joan Rivers in a 2014 skit

Staying strong: Silverman, seen in New York last night, still takes a daily dose of anti-depressants and has regular sessions with a therapist

Staying strong: Silverman, seen in New York last night, still takes a daily dose of anti-depressants and has regular sessions with a therapist

Coping: Silverman said one of the things she's learned over the years is that the deep depression does eventually pass and when it does, the sweet things in life are even sweeter

Coping: Silverman said one of the things she's learned over the years is that the deep depression does eventually pass and when it does, the sweet things in life are even sweeter

She was let go from SNL at the end of her first season and found herself on medication again to control her panic attacks.

She knows now that she's never really going to be free from the crippling condition.

'I eventually weaned off Klonopin, but to this day I have a bottle of seven pills in my backpack that I never touch because just knowing that they're there is all I need,' she revealed.

Silverman, who once dated Jimmy Kimmel and is now with actor Michael Sheen, still sees the funny side of her dark side.

'I still have downward spirals, days when I have to drag myself onstage to do stand-up or I'm just tweeting Morrissey lyrics from my bed,' she said. 'But there's one thing I know that I used to not know: It will pass. And it does.'

She added, 'You're playing the long game and life is totally worth it.'

In love: The pretty brunette has been dating Welsh actor Michael Sheen for more than a year after meeting on the set of the HBO series Masters Of Sex. They're pictured in New York in April

In love: The pretty brunette has been dating Welsh actor Michael Sheen for more than a year after meeting on the set of the HBO series Masters Of Sex. They're pictured in New York in April

 

 

 

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