David Bowie and Mariah Carey

David Bowie

The disc jockey Steve Wright used to have a funny segment on his Radio 1 show in which an impressionist would make mundane comments in the unmistakable style of David Bowie. And that's the singer's problem - no matter who he plays he is unmistakably David Bowie.

Consequently his best performance was in Nic Roeg's The Man Who Fell To Earth in which he was a skinny alien, a role not a million light years removed from his real-life musical persona of the time. But as vampire John Blaylock in The Hunger and Major Jack Celliers in Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence he made wooden furniture looked animated by contrast.

He cropped up again recently in Ben Stiller's unfunny comedy Zoolander. His screen time was mercifully brief.

Mariah Carey

The crash and burn horror that was Glitter, a rags to riches saga of a singer - not unlike Carey's own life story, was so breathtakingly bad that it had critics struggling to find suitable images to convey the depths of their dismay.

"An unintentionally hilarious compendium of time-tested cinematic cliches that illustrates the chasm between hopeful imitation and successful duplication," opined The New York Times. "This star vehicle for Mariah Carey is primarily a showcase for her breasts," said the Washington Post.

The universal slating doesn't appear to have put Carey off though. She will next appear in Wisegirls, a mafia caper in which she stars alongside Mira Sorvino.