MICHAEL WALKER: Here we are then, Jose Mourinho and your correspondent, ensconced in the 'penthouse' suite in Harrods. Before you ask: oh yeah, all the time. There are caviar canapes, champagne, air kisses on both cheeks. This is where the handsome of the species come to serve and consume. It is decadent, confident, privileged. Yet it is a shop. You look and wonder. The working man's game. It is a few hours after Mourinho has been fined by the FA and warned his behaviour could lead to a stadium ban. Mourinho is indignant. The fine is £50,000 which, nationally, is nearly twice the average annual salary. Around here £50,000 might buy a toilet.
Former Liverpool defender Riise slams Sturridge and Enrique in Twitter Q&A; with fans... and asks 'how is Gareth Barry still playing?'
Former Liverpool defender John Arne Riise gave his stinging verdict on several of the club's players past and present during a Twitter Q&A; session on Monday. The Norwegian full-back (pictured above), who currently plays for India Premier League side Delhi Dynamos, spent seven seasons at Anfield - winning the FA Cup, League Cup and Champions League - before leaving for Roma in 2008.
Arsenal must tame Guardiola's invincibles but Wenger backs Sanchez and Co to keep Euro dream alive as he recalls No 1 Cech
NEIL ASHTON: One by one some of the greatest players in the history of the game will step off Bayern Munich's branded Champions League bus when it pulls up at the Emirates on Tuesday evening. There is an aura about Pep Guardiola's team, an air of invincibility after nine successive victories in the Bundesliga, two convincing triumphs in the Champions League and a win in the German Cup. They look and feel menacing.
Bayern haven't lost this season and have scored 40 goals in 12 games... but boss Guardiola says they are the underdogs against Arsenal
They may have won every one of their competitive fixtures this season, but Pep Guardiola claims Bayern Munich will be the underdogs against Arsenal.
SIR CLIVE WOODWARD: Bring relegation into Six Nations and focus on skills and fitness, not just power... THIS is how you rescue ailing Northern Hemisphere rugby
For the first time we go into the World Cup semi-finals without a Northern Hemisphere team. Is it a blip or are we in terminal decline up here? England were eliminated at the group stage and France went out with barely a whimper. Scotland fans will bemoan the match officials while the Irish and Welsh curse their luck over injuries, but the reality is they have all been beaten when it mattered most.
Wallabies slide into the pool after beating Scotland as Cheika warns they must improve in semi-final against Argentina
As Scotland pondered what could have been after Sunday night's heart-breaking defeat, it was business as usual for Michael Cheika's Australian side on Monday morning. Ice baths and a light session in the pool of deluxe hotel The Lensbury was a world away from the tension of the night before when Craig Joubert controversially awarded a late penalty that, with Bernard Foley's nerves of steel, decided the match.
Will Hazard return? Mourinho refuses to guarantee star man starting place in Kiev
Jose Mourinho has left Eden Hazard sweating on a return to Chelsea's starting line-up against Dynamo Kiev on Tuesday. Hazard was dropped for Saturday's 2-0 win over Aston Villa and later criticised by Mourinho. An injury to Spain star Pedro seemingly opened the door for a recall, but Mourinho refused to guarantee the 24-year-old a place. 'If he plays, I won't tell you. How did he train (after being dropped)? He trained like Eden,' said Mourinho intriguingly.
Lewandowski has scored a goal every 39 minutes in his last seven games... the numbers that show why Bayern star is man Arsenal will fear
If Arsenal are going to keep their Champions League hopes alive when they face Bayern Munich on Tuesday, they will have to stop the hottest striker in Europe on current form. Robert Lewandowski has scored 22 goals in his last 16 games for club and country.
He's Mr Bojan-goals: Krkic's early penalty seals fourth win on trot for resurgent Stoke
SWANSEA 0-1 STOKE - MATT BARLOW AT THE LIBERTY STADIUM: It took only three minutes for familiar old scars to be reopened on the anniversary of one of last season's biggest 'cheat' rows. When these teams met in Stoke, on the same date last year, a win for Mark Hughes' team was eclipsed by furious accusations from Garry Monk that on-loan winger Victor Moses had dived for a penalty. Twelve months on, in South Wales, and it was Bojan Krkic who tumbled over to win a penalty from which he fired the visitors into the lead.
Sub Crouch jokes he can't even get in the team celebration pictures after Stoke toast win at Swansea
Peter Crouch hasn't started a Premier League game for Stoke this season, and he can't even get into the team's celebratory post-match pictures. The former England striker reacted cheekily to a photo tweeted by team-mate Charlie Adam on the bus home from their 1-0 win at Swansea on Monday night saying, 'can't get in the team or the pics'.
It's over: Former Liverpool frontman Cisse in tears as he announces retirement on TV
Former Liverpool, Sunderland and Queens Park Rangers striker Djibril Cisse has announced his retirement from football, before breaking down in tears on live TV. Cisse, who won 41 caps for France and played for 12 clubs in a career spanning a decade and a half, has called time on his playing days after going more than a year without a league goal. And the controversial forward was left in tears as his former coach, Guy Roux, paid tribute to him.
Rosler out as chaos hits Leeds again... as owner Cellino sacks fifth manager in less than two years (and is then disqualified by Football League)
MATT BARLOW: A German ousted for failing to produce 'heavy rock' football, a Scot in a sombrero whisked in to replace him and the Italian owner banned by the Football League for failing to pay tax on an imported Land Rover. It is just another day at Leeds United.
Arsenal defence can handle Lewandowski, insists Ramsey as they prepare for Bayern
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has insisted 'there is no team without weaknesses' ahead of the Premier League club's crunch Champions League Group F clash with Bundesliga giants Bayern Munich. Wenger's men go head-to-head with the German side on Tuesday on the back of consecutive 3-0 victories in the top flight - but it is their European performances where the Frenchman has come under pressure.
Rakitic: Barcelona need Neymar at his best for tricky BATE Borisov clash
Barcelona midfielder Ivan Rakitic is hoping Neymar can pick up where he left off against Rayo Vallecano when his side take on BATE Borisov in Minsk on Tuesday. Neymar warmed up for the game against the newly-crowned champions of Belarus by scoring four goals on Saturday in a 5-2 win over Rayo. Barca need Neymar at his best with Lionel Messi and Andres Iniesta out of action with injuries.
The Class of '92 as you've never seen them: Neville is in charge of sandwiches as Giggs and Butt cheer from the stands in behind-the-scenes footage of their Salford takeover
Manchester United's class of '92 will appear as you've never seen them before as BBC documentary goes behind the highs and lows of their takeover and running of non-league side Salford City. Phil Neville for example, is spotted behind a clubhouse bar asking thirsty punters if they fancy a drink. His brother Gary, meanwhile, is in what appears to be a rusty shipping container which doubles up as a loo, asking if he should sign a new striker or buy a new toilet.
Root, Broad and England team-mates enjoy day out at a water park after Pakistan draw
England's cricket stars have been enjoying some downtime between Tests in Dubai following their draw in the opener with Pakistan at the weekend. Joe Root took to Twitter to show a picture of himself and team-mates James Taylor, Jonny Bairstow and Stuart Broad at Atlantis Water Park in Dubai on Monday.
THE PICK OF MAILONLINE'S SPORTS WRITING
If he wasn't injured, he must be now! Watch moment Greek star is taken off on stretcher and dropped TWICE by careless medics
Jose Mourinho may not have been impressed by his medical staff at the start of the season, but the Chelsea boss can, at least, rest assured that he is not managing in the Greek second division. Following a game between Larisa and Ergotelis at the weekend, shocking footage has emerged featuring a pair of clearly untrained stewards attempting to take off a supposedly injured player on a stretcher.
Rugby World Cup
UEFA Champions League
STARS OF SPORT
- MailOnline Fantasy Football is back... and this year you can pick Euro stars like Ronaldo and Lewandowski to boost your Premier League side
- Hamilton and Roscoe relax with ball games Lewis Hamilton insists he is not 'taking anything for granted' as he closes in on a third Formula One world championship
- Stoke all smiles after narrow win at Swansea Bojan's early penalty ensured Stoke enjoyed their journey home on Monday night after earning three points
- Benzema laughs off Arsenal rumours and insists he is happy at Real Madrid Thumbs up from the French striker as he lay on the treatment couch
- Walk with girlfriend, night out at Dynamo's show and a selfie with a £48,000 Rolex... City stars celebrate Beat Bournemouth then relaxed
MORE STARS OF SPORT
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Bayern ready to inflict Champions League defeat on Arsenal as side head to London early to avoid traffic
Stars flew on Sunday night
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Boca Juniors ace Tevez mingles with Buenos Aires locals... by playing a game of cards on the streets
Returning to his roots after European success
- Hamilton rides electric unicycle as he walks his bulldog Roscoe in Miami Lewis Hamilton traded his Mercedes car for a state of the art segway as he walked Roscoe
- Ronaldo and Bale prepare for Real Madrid's next battle Cristiano Ronaldo was busy in the gym while his Madrid team-mate Gareth Bale hit the pool
- Fan replaces fourth official during League Two clash at Newport Mike Hurdle went from the stands to the touchline after an injury to referee James Adcock
- Everton pay tribute to legendary boss Kendall at Goodison Park Former Toffees player and manager Howard Kendall died suddenly aged 69 on Saturday
- Neymar scores FOUR for five-star Barca PETE JENSON: Neymar scored four and Luis Suarez added a fifth as Barca drew level with leaders Real Madrid
- Ronaldo is Real's all-time top scorer RIK SHARMA: Raul's name was ringing around the Bernabeu, but Cristiano Ronaldo broke his all-time record
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Pulis says McClean is 'not the sharpest tool in the box' after ruckus
James McClean opted to goad fans of his former club after West Brom beat Sunderland
- Picture perfect! Ronaldo poses with Brazilian top model Beauty Alessandra Ambrosio took this snap with Real Madrid ace Cristiano Ronaldo
- Giant keeper scores from his own half Jesse Joronen's hopeful punt deceived his opposite number to help Stevenage end seven-game winless streak
- Klopp the showman... Liverpool boss as you've never seen him before It appears the new Liverpool manager wasn't always such a cool customer
- Bale wraps up warm for adidas promotion Gareth Bale swapped the Great British weather for sunnier climes two years ago, but the £86m man is still wrapping up
- McKenzie hands McCallum a first defeat Leon McKenzie is a victory away from becoming British champion after beating John McCallum
- Bolt satisfies need for speed as sprint star poses with £80,000 Nissan super-car Posed with a Nissan MY15 GTR saying 'Fast knows Fast'
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Looking Fab! Chelsea star Fabregas proves he's in shape to fight to save Blues' stuttering title defence
Clearly not missed the gym sessions recently
- Oh Mo! New father Farah posts Instagram photo of swollen lip He joked his lip looks like it is expecting... but won't reveal how he hurt himself
- Now that's a team photo, West Ham! So how many people does it take to run a modern day Premier League club (and what do they all do)?
- Mourinho describes talk of mutiny at Chelsea as 'sad' and unfair' It has been claimed an unflattering nickname is being used to refer to the boss by first-teamers...
- Rafa faces toughest spell of his Real Madrid career with six games in 21 days... And Luka Modric, James Rodriguez and Karim Benzema are injured
- Ozil thanks his fans as he toasts his birthday with a custom cake The Arsenal playmaker marked his 27th birthday by thanking his legion of fans on social media
- United stars arrive for training ahead of Everton clash... but there wasn't much to smile about at Carrington Stars looked sombre as they regrouped
- Riise wins 25,000 rupee award in Indian Super League for Fittest Man of the Match... which works out at a paltry £250! Now at Delhi Dynamos
- Firmino all loved up with wife Pereira... so will new boss Klopp be charmed too? Was out of favour with former manager Brendan Rodgers
- Zaha snaps up £2.5m Footballers' Wives pad Wilfried Zaha agreed a deal to buy the seven-bedroom house of late former Crystal Palace owner Ron Noades
- KENNY BURNS: 'I'd hacksaw my studs... so that they stuck better to the skin!' The star of a new film on Forest, Burns reveals the tricks of his trade...
- Arsenal striker Sanchez is on a hot run of form... maybe his mum is the secret behind his success? Pictured flying back to London with small boy
- Joker Suarez buys Messi Grumpy pyjamas Lionel Messi is not having the best of times - and Luis Suarez added insult to injury by buying him the comedy sleepwear
- Klopp eyes full throttle football as he takes another car for a spin Jurgen Klopp will hope his new Liverpool side can hit top gear in his first game in charge
- Brian McFadden's ex Vogue Williams models new Harlequins kit at Twickenham Stoop ahead of Premiership season kick-off Will also do a DJ set
- Golovkin and Lemieux put through their paces Gennady Golovkin and David Lemieux have been working out in front of the media ahead of their bout this weekend
- Selfie-obsessed! How Ronaldo has become prolific at posting selfies on Instagram Sportsmail looks at the Real Madrid star's finest work
- High fliers! Kompany, De Bruyne and Belgium team-mates travel back to England from international duty Vincent Kompany feels ready to return for City
- Arsenal striker Sanchez takes the Copa America winners top of World Cup qualifying with two goals in 4-3 win Alexis Sanchez helped Chile beat 10-man Peru
- 'Snakes in the bushes and crazy driving... I know I'm in India!' EXCLUSIVE: JOE BERNSTEIN hears about David Platt's daily drive into training...
- Euro flops Holland are hammered on Twitter Just 15 months after finishing third in the world, online wags have been quick to mock the Dutch disarray
- But it's a different story across the border for the world's best... Belgium top the FIFA rankings for the first time following their gutsy win over Israel
- Ramsey and Bale get the party started LAURIE WHITWELL: The sell-out crowd who came to watch Wales' win were treated to some champagne celebrations
- Torrential rain leaves puddles on the pitch... but ex-Manchester City man Felipe Caicedo helps Ecuador seal win 2-0 against Bolivia Water farce...
- 'It's true, Travis and I are in a relationship': Rousey confirms she and UFC heavyweight Browne are an item Browne also spoke of the relationship
- Finn hobbles around on crutches after suffering 'bone stress injury' which ruled him out of first Test Forced to watch Pakistan opener from stands
- What happened lads? Robshaw and Lancaster face Prince Harry and the Queen after debacle Buckingham Palace reception held for team representatives
- Klopp-mania firmly hits Liverpool as special collection is created for the club's shop 'Normal One' has mugs and T-shirts made in his honour
- Mayweather chills out by the pool in Miami as undefeated champion and boxing superstar enjoys his retirement In no mood for a return to the ring
- West Ham star Carroll and fiancee Billi Mucklow enjoy holiday in Dubai during the international break Relaxed with their baby son on beach
- Ibrahimovic receives a gold record as his version of the Swedish national anthem is streamed 3m times Striker made recording last year for an advert
- A wheelie good way to recover! Scotland prepare for World Cup clash with Australia by sitting in ice-filled bins Also went swimming in bid to get over Samoa tie
- 'Goat's face anyone?' England bowlers Wood and Plunkett faced with unusual Sunday dinner in Abu Dhabi The pair were presented with a goat's carcass
- Former Premier League striker Davies shows off massive Star Wars merchandise The impressive collection of memorabilia could be worth more than £3,000
- Just married! Ronaldo gets swept up in the arms of kickboxer Hari Badr Hari joked he and Cristiano Ronaldo had been 'married' while on holiday in Morocco
- Madigan compared to Gascoigne by Ireland team-mate Kearney due to post-match tears after World Cup win Overcome with emotion after France victory
- Klopp agrees to rent Rodgers' former luxury £1.2m apartment Sportsmail's exclusive pictures show a smiley Jurgen Klopp was out in Sefton Park on Saturday
- Nottingham Forest legends attend 'I Believe in Miracles' premiere Nottingham Forest's famous European Cup winning side gathered at the City Ground
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Neymar parties in Rio despite World Cup ban
While he is suspended from Brazil's qualifiers, Neymar took the opportunity to party with some famous faces
- ANDREW FLINTOFF EXCLUSIVE: I look back at myself and think 'what a ****!' There have always been two people jostling for control of my life...
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Kyle Lafferty jokes he wants 'Argentina or Brazil' at Euro 2016
His goals have helped fire Northern Ireland to France, and he is clearly enjoying the moment
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Bale celebrates 'the best loss of my life'Wales tasted defeat for the first time on the road to Euro 2016,but it did not matter a jot as they booked their France spot
- Cool, crazy and emotional... how Klopp won over the people ROB DRAPER: Jurgen Klopp turned from average footballer to one of Europe's most wanted
- Am I jealous of Andy? Honestly? Never ever OLIVER HOLT: Jamie Murray lives in the shadow of his record-breaking brother... but he's still his biggest fan
- Fairytale win for Sinfield's Leeds This was a fairytale ending for Leeds' departing trio Kevin Sinfield, Jamie Peacock and Kylie Leuluai
- Sainz insists he's fine and wants to race despite 200mph smash MATT MORLIDGE: Carlos Sainz insists he is 'fine' and wants to race at the Russian GP
- ALLEN HURNS: Bortles is owning the Jaguars' offense at the moment... and find out how Pacino inspires me Read the wide receiver's first Sportsmail column
- Wilshere treats girlfriend to dinner as crocked Arsenal star's injury woes continue Jack Wilshere would rather have been at Wembley than Mayfair
- Brook cheers on Sheffield United during victory over Rochdale Undefeated boxer Kell Brook proved to be Sheffield United's lucky omen on Saturday
- Akinfenwa bats away 'Beast' tag by insisting he has a 'soft side' Adebayo Akinfenwa has put his success in the lower echelons down to table tennis
- Rooney gets golden boot from Sir Bobby England's all-time top two goalscorers came together to recognise 50-goal Wayne Rooney as leading marksman
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Kane treats six-year-old who invited him for kickaround
Harry Kane made the young fan's day, inviting him to visit Wembley to watch England's win
- 'Kloppmania' already gripping Anfield A new word has been put into the lexicon of Merseyside football. On the front of the Liverpool Echo, there it was...
LATEST MATCH REPORTS
- Swansea 0-1 Stoke: Early Bojan penalty secures away win for Mark Hughes' side and takes them above opponents in Premier League
- Newcastle 6-2 Norwich: Georginio Wijnaldum scores four goals to lead Steve McClaren's side to their first Premier League win of the season in a gripping encounter at St James' Park
- Watford 0-3 Arsenal: Alexis Sanchez continues scoring streak as Gunners keep pace with the leaders
- Everton 0-3 Manchester United: Wayne Rooney ends his goal drought away from home as Red Devils seal comfortable win
- Chelsea 2-0 Aston Villa: Diego Costa makes Brad Guzan pay for embarrassing gaffe before playing a part in Alan Hutton own goal
- Manchester City 5-1 Bournemouth: Raheem Sterling nets stunning hat-trick as Manuel Pellegrini's men put Cherries to the sword
- Tottenham 0-0 Liverpool: Jurgen Klopp debut fizzes with intensity before falling flat as depleted Reds are held to a goalless draw
- Crystal Palace 1-3 West Ham: Manuel Lanzini and Dimitri Payet leave it late to earn Slaven Bilic's side three points against 10 men
- Southampton 2-2 Leicester City: Jamie Vardy double rescues a point for Claudio Ranieri's side as they come from two goals down
- West Brom 1-0 Sunderland: Costel Pantilimon gifts Saido Berahino the Baggies' winner as Sam Alardyce's first game ends in defeat
- Barcelona 5-2 Rayo Vallecano: Neymar scores FOUR as Barca keep pace with Real Madrid at the top of La Liga
- Real Madrid 3-0 Levante: Cristiano Ronaldo becomes hosts' all-time top goalscorer as Rafa Benitez's side record easy victory
- Birmingham 2-1 QPR: Paul Caddis secures hosts all three points from the penalty spot
- Holland 2-3 Czech Republic: Danny Blind's disastrous Dutch fail to qualify for Euro 2016
- Wales 2-0 Andorra: Star duo Aaron Ramsey and Gareth Bale ensure celebrations continue after Euro 2016 qualification
- Italy 2-1 Norway: Azzurri come from behind to break Norway hearts
RUGBY WORLD CUP
Ireland's latest World Cup post-mortem underlines need for to widen options during Six Nations
One of the stranger effects of a closed stadium roof is a warped sense of time. With no light getting in, the sense of day and night eventually vanishes. It could be midnight or dawn could be breaking and nobody inside could tell the difference without consulting their watches. As they were disgorged by the final whistle into the sticky streets of a weekend Cardiff, Irish supporters knew the time last Sunday.
'Waiting outside Twickenham for Joubert': Ref cops flak as JK Rowling leads Twitter support for beaten Scotland
Scotland's Rugby World Cup hopes were ended in heartbreaking fashion after a last-gasp Bernard Foley penalty saw them lose by a point in the quarter-finals. Vern Cotter's men, heavy underdogs, were leading until a controversial decision handed the Wallabies a chance to steal the place in the final four. And after Foley put Australia through, famous fans and ex-players were queueing up on Twitter to show their support for the brave Scots. Author J.K. Rowling, who lives in Edinburgh, told her 5.74m Twitter followers: 'You were magnificent. You did us proud.' (inest).
FOOTBALL
Wijnaldum joins illustrious list of Premier League stars to score four goals in one game... so who else has achieved feat?
Georginio Wijnaldum joined an illustrious list of players by scoring four goals in Newcastle's 6-2 win over Norwich City on Sunday. Wijnaldum, who joined Steve McClaren's side in the summer from PSV for £14.5m in July, wrote his name in the history books by becoming the first Newcastle player to score four goals in the Premier League.
'I'm not here for the money' claims former England star Cole as he's unveiled by Coventry City
Former England star Joe Cole says he is no longer interested in money as he prepares to turn out in League One for Coventry. The ex-Chelsea and West Ham midfielder has joined the Sky Blues and will make his debut at Rochdale - with an average crowd of less than 3,500 - on Tuesday.
Newcastle's Krul continues recovery from season-ending knee injury
Tim Krul showed a picture of his protective cast and his support for his Newcastle team-mates before and after their emphatic win over Norwich. Krul will miss the rest of the season with a cruciate ligament injury after he limped off during Holland's victory over Kazakhstan on October 10.
Meanwhile, in Buenos Aires... Tevez plays cards with locals on the capital's streets
Carlos Tevez returned to his roots at Boca Juniors in the summer and it appears the Argentina ace is keen on mingling with the Buenos Aires locals. The 31-year-old wore a white hooded jumper and posed for a snap while striking a pose alongside a large group of males.
Podolski cheers on Galatasaray's basketball side ahead of crunch Champions League clash with Benfica
With a crunch Champions League tie on the horizon this week, Lukas Podolski has got into the spirit of things by watching the club's basketball side in action. The German international tweeted the photo on Monday night, exclaiming 'let's play' as he posed in front of the players and watching crowd.
OTHER SPORTS NEWS
Long flight? Tired Buffalo Bills stars touch down in London ahead of Wembley NFL showdown against Jacksonville Jaguars
The Buffalo Bills squad have touched down in London ahead of their match against Jacksonville Jaguars at Wembley on Sunday. The AFC-East NFL team landed on Heathrow following a late night flight on Sunday after a home defeat by Cincinatti Bengals, their third home loss in succession. Their players come to the UK with renewed optimism however, while running back LeSean McCoy was pictured outside Heathrow Airport on an Uberboard.
Go long! Hamilton plays with his dog Roscoe in Miami as he remains guarded about F1 title hopes
Lewis Hamilton insists he is not 'taking anything for granted' as he closes in on a third Formula One world championship. The 30-year-old will become the first British driver to successfully defend his grand prix crown if he wins in Austin on Sunday and Sebastian Vettel, now his closest challenger, finishes third or lower.
VanZant wants to change 'negativity' around women fighting in the UFC
UFC star Paige VanZant is out to change people's perception of women after witnessing the 'negativity' female fighters are subjected to. The 21-year-old has garnered huge fame with her combination of good looks, fan friendly personality and action-packed fighting style - and wants to change the minds of those who are uncomfortable watching women compete in MMA.
RACING
THE BEST WRITING IN SPORT
Maradona's Hand of God, Cueto's disallowed try and Broad's refusal to walk... after Scotland's World Cup exit here's 10 other sporting travesties of justice
With a single refereeing decision Scotland's Rugby World Cup hopes came crashing down on Sunday evening as they fell to a heroic defeat against Australia at Twickenham. Craig Joubert awarded a controversial last-minute penalty to the Wallabies for offside with the Scots leading 34-32 before Bernard Foley kicked the three points to secure his side's place in the semi final. Here, Sportsmail looks back at 10 other decisions by officials that led to sporting injustices.