My man’s too adventurous in bed - how do I tell him? Rowan Pelling advises a reader on a sexual dilemma 

  • Rowan Pelling is a sex columnist
  • A reader isn't keen on her boyfriend's sexual experimentation
  • Rowan advises telling him she prefers to take it more slowly 

By Rowan Pelling for the Daily Mail

Published: 19:54 EST, 25 October 2015 | Updated: 23:37 EST, 25 October 2015

QUESTION: I’ve embarked on a sexual relationship for the first time since my marriage ended four years ago, when I was 45. My new man’s very attractive, but I wish he wouldn’t insist on trying three or four positions every time we make love. I worry I’ll look uptight if I tell him I prefer missionary. How should I proceed?

Answer: I wonder what’s motivating your boyfriend to enact his own Kama Sutra show every time you go to bed.

Perhaps he feels variety is the spice of life. Or maybe he was in an unadventurous relationship previously. More likely, he’s simply trying to impress you with his adventurous spirit.

Passion in a relationship will fade if the dialogue isn't open

Passion in a relationship will fade if the dialogue isn't open

Remind him of the virtues of the oft-derided missionary position, especially the fact that your eyes are level with your lover’s and you can kiss while being intimate - something that most women I know regard as a key part of their repertoire.

Missionary-style sex does have at least one downside for men: the chap is generally required to make most of the effort. So, if you stick exclusively to that, he may feel short-changed.

Conveying your sexual tastes in the first months of a relationship is a precarious affair. Few of us want to risk appearing critical in those early stages. I suspect you may place particular weight on this man’s attractiveness, as if his looks mean your chance of retaining him is precipitous.

But passion will fade if you can’t have an open dialogue.

Why not start by telling your partner how attractive you find him and how grateful you are for his sexual virtuosity?

Go on to explain that you’re anxious he’s putting himself under pressure to ‘perform’ - and that, sometimes, you crave a slower pace.

Finding the most tactful manner to frame an erotic request is half the battle. But, if this man truly values you, he’ll be happy to relax the bedroom gymnastics.

 

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