In which I wonder if I should take a chance on M

Scroll down for more

liz jones

I was pondering the letter from ‘M’, wondering, should I take a chance? Should I call him? Maybe he was right. Why was I chasing a man who told me he would see me ‘soon-ish’ when here was someone literally begging, pleading, to go out with me on my birthday?

But I was hesitating, mainly because in all the letters he has sent me over the past few months he hasn’t described himself – ie, his age, what he does for a living, his marital status, whether he has any pets, whether or not he looks like Jim Kerr, etc – whereas he knows everything there is to know about me, and then some. (Oh dear God, there is no mystery about me, is there? If I ever do get a boyfriend he will say to me, ‘So, have you performed an emergency tweezering of your knees for this date?’)

I found the complete lack of disclosure in the letters a little arrogant, to be honest. But then, while I was dilly-dallying, I received two letters in one week.
My comments are in square brackets…

Dear Liz,
I don’t think you would have been happier if your life had been ‘more normal’. Nor can I see you as a mother. [Why?] Besides, you would have driven any man who wanted a normal life completely mad. [Again, why? I think I’m quite nice.]

Liz, love, why do all women spend most of their lives raking over the past? Let it go! You’ll be much happier. Of course, you’d be happier still if you got in touch with me. Is it because I pursue you that you shun me? [No, it is because I know nothing about you.]

Why not telephone me now? I guarantee you will find me different from any man you have ever met.
M x

Then, two days later:

Liz, my love,
I cannot adequately tell you how wrong you are about men. Because you have attracted only the duds of the species, you have no idea what life with a good man would be like. Don’t judge the rest of us by Nirpal; he is a complete a*******, totally unworthy of you. [True.]

To anyone who loves you – and N never did – age is totally irrelevant. One of the most wonderful women I have ever met, and loved, was 16 years older than me. You are so wrong to think that N rejected you because of your age. He rejected you because you lied to him. Believe me, I’m a man, I know. [I want to point out here that N didn’t reject me, I rejected him. Also, I think lying about unprotected sex with trollops is worse than shaving four years off your age.]

At 50 minus one month you are a lovely woman to look at. You have the best years of your life ahead of you. Lying about your age has messed up your life, but now you have stopped lying, everything will change. I also messed up the first half of my life; I know things can be changed.

It is a fallacy that women become less attractive as they get older. To a real man, women become more attractive as they age. [It depends how you do it, doesn’t it? If you put on 12 stone and lose all your teeth, I can’t see how this can be true.] From as young as I can remember, I have always preferred a mother to her daughter. Real men do not find older women repulsive.

Liz, love, do not judge all men by your experience to date. A good man will not pick away at your weak spot. He will love you totally, every last little bit of you. Nirpal was a real b******. [Again, true.]

I guarantee that if you spent a week or two with me it would be a revelation. To be with someone who loves you, admires you, cares about you and desires you would be more wonderful than anything you have ever known. Are you going to give it a try?
Love you lots,
M xx

Hmm. He called me ‘love’. I don’t really think I can go there, do you?