Ex-ITV newsreader India Willoughby who underwent a sex change speaks out

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India Willoughby, 50 from Carlisle was formerly known as Jonathan
Worked as a reporter for ITV regional news but felt trapped in male body
After suicide attempt, decided to live secretly as a woman
Lived as a female in Newcastle during the week and Jonathan on weekends
After five years came out to sixteen year old son in July
Last month had full £14,000 gender reassignment surgery

Published: 08:30 EST, 19 November 2015 | Updated: 11:11 EST, 19 November 2015

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A former ITV news reporter has spoken out about becoming a woman and revealed that feeling trapped in a male body pushed her to the brink of suicide.

India Willoughby, 50, from Cumbria Carlisle, previously known as Jonathan, said it was only the decision to lead a secret life as a woman that lifted her from deep depression.

After quitting ITV as a reporter on Cumbria regional news five years ago, Willoughby lived as female PR executive Joanne Charles in Newcastle from Monday to Friday and at the weekends returned home to as Jonathan Willoughby to spend time with her son.

Talking on ITV's Lorraine this morning, Willoughby, who had the £14,000 gender reassignment surgery at an NHS hospital in Brighton last month, described feeling wrong in her own body.

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Former ITV news reporter India Willoughby, previously known as Jonathan, spoke out on ITV's Lorraine about becoming a woman and revealed that feeling trapped in a male body pushed her to the brink of suicide

Talking to Lorraine Kelly (left) on ITV's Lorraine this morning, India Willoughby (right) described feeling like something inside was 'gnawing away' her. 'It got to a stage I was seizing up and couldn’t function,' she said

Explaining her decision to lead a double life she said: 'I was working in television as a local newsreader and I could see myself every night on the telly as this male figure - and it was jarring. It was the worst job in the world for someone like me.

'It got to a stage I was seizing up and couldn’t function. I went home one night really depressed and wanted to end it all.

'I thought I'd rather have a clean death and no one would have to know the secret side of me,' she said.

'Luckily, I was so exhausted I fell asleep. The next day, I thought, "Maybe there’s a better way". And that’s when I decided to split my life in two,' she explained.

'I worked Monday to Friday as Joanne and at the weekend I returned to Carlisle as Jonathan.

'That way I felt I wasn’t letting anyone down.'

After quitting from ITV five years ago, where he worked as a reporter (right), India Willoughby (left) lived as female PR executive Joanne Charles in Newcastle from Monday to Friday and at the weekends returned home to Carlisle to be Jonathan Willoughby and spend time with his son in Carlisle, Cumbria

Last month India made had the full £14,000 gender reassignment surgery at an NHS hospital in Brighton

After five years of leading a double life, Willoughby decided to stop hiding her true identity and in July this year came out to her 16-year-old son as a woman.

For anyone in my family it’s been a big shift. It’s been like a bereavement in many ways - a person has died who they grew up with

Describing the pivotal moment, Willoughby said: 'I took him out for a meal but I was worried I wouldn’t find the words to tell him so I’d written him a letter.

'On the way back I pulled over and I said, "I've written you a letter. I’m fine with however you feel about me. I’m going to sit over there on this park bench and wait."

'My heart was beating and leaping out my chest and I was crying by this point. I heard the door of the car slam and I thought, "Here it goes, I’m going to be heart broken". But he came over and said, "It changes nothing. You’re still my parent."

Praising her son's strength of character Willloughby said: 'He is the centre of my universe'

She added: 'His mother is also absolutely fantastic and been so supportive.'

'For anyone in my family it’s been a big shift. It’s been like a bereavement in many ways - a person has died who they grew up with.

Talking on the programme, Willoughby described being aware of her differences from as young as she can remember.

Left: India pictured after her surgery; Right: Pictured as Jonathan in younger years. Describing being transgender, Willoughby said: 'It’s like having an Android brain and an Apple body - they don’t sync'

'From my earliest memories I've always felt I didn't fit in my skin but at an early age you are not aware of gender as a concept,' she said.

'Around age five or six I appreciated there was difference and I new straight away I was on the wrong side.

'But I grew up in the late Seventies so articulating that would have been ludicrous. I might as well have told people I was a wardrobe or Napoleon.

'At the end of the day you want to make your family happy.

'So I decided to buckle down and make the most of it and be a good son and make my Mum happy.

'I made quite a good fist of it. But at the end of the day you can’t run away from yourself. This part of me was always inside gnawing away at me.'

Willoughby, who has now undergone a sex change said she chose the name India 'because like India the country it’s been a struggle to establish my identity'.

Willoughby described the torment of being born a woman in man's body and said it pushed her to feeling suicidal. She said: 'I thought I'd rather have a clean death and no one would have to know the secret side of me'

Describing being transgender, Willoughby said: 'It’s like having an Android brain and an Apple body - they don’t sync.

'Your gender is wired into your brain. You can’t have a brain transplant so you have to adapt your body.'

She said: 'The last five years it’s been a heck of a journey but now I feel fantastic.

'The acceptance of people who are transgender is supersonic at the moment- apart from the old dinosaurs with people like Germaine Greer.'

Speaking of her hopes for further acceptance in the future, she said: 'I would love being trans to be like having ginger hair or freckles.'