'Gordon the Gopher could've done a better job!' Phil and Holly's funeral coverage falls flat for ITV and Sky's man gets a handbagging

• Tom Parmenter came off the loser in a stand-off with a 'sweet old lady'
• This Morning hosts show why they can't be trusted with the big occasion
  

By Paul Connolly for the Daily Mail

Published: 08:43 EST, 17 April 2013 | Updated: 18:14 EST, 17 April 2013

The day of Baroness Thatcher’s funeral did not start well for Sky News’s Tom Parmenter.

Early this morning, outside St Paul’s Cathedral, Parmenter buttonholed a seemingly sweet old lady to ask her why she was lined up behind the barriers.

Perhaps luckily for him she didn’t reply with, 'I’m queuing for the Marks and Spencer sale up the road and just stopped to see what all the fuss was about.'

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Falling flat: Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield did not fare well covering the Thatcher funeral on This Morning

Red-faced: The day of Baroness Thatcher's funeral did not start well for Sky News's Tom Parmenter, right, when he decided to quiz this elderly lady

Quizzed: The elderly lady fixed the journalist with a Thatcheresque glare and asked if he would have attended the funeral if he was not working, leaving Parmenter stuttering a reply

Embarrassing: Parmenter almost went green after the lady's questions left him visibly shaken

Screaming: A father and daughter were on The Jeremy Kyle Show shouting obscenities at each other

Instead she told Parmenter that she wanted to witness a large-scale state occasion and to pay her respects to Baroness Thatcher. As he walked away, job done, she called to him, 'Can I ask you a question?'

He puffed himself up a little, perhaps expecting to be asked for his autograph. Instead, the not so sweet old lady fixed him with a stern Thatcheresque glare and said, 'If you weren’t doing the job you do, would you have attended this funeral?'

'I was always going to be working today,' Parmenter replied, stopping just short of saying, 'Don’t you know who I am?'

'No,' she said, 'if you weren’t a journalist sent to cover this funeral - would you have turned up to see it?' 

Contrast: David Dimbleby was interviewing friends of Lady Thatcher on the BBC One coverage

Subdued: Sky News's coverage was on the whole sober and respectful compared to ITV

Poor Parmenter almost went green. 'Ah, er, well, yes, perhaps, maybe, possibly,' he stuttered, before tottering away visibly shaken.

I didn’t see him much after that. Perhaps, even now, he’s locked in a portakabin studio putting the finishing touches to a voodoo doll of a sweet old lady and hunting for pins.

The day didn’t start well for the ITV coverage either. While Sky and the BBC were both putting together excellent but restrained early coverage of the day of Baroness Thatcher’s funeral, ITV was keeping it classy with The Jeremy Kyle Show - 'Who’s my father: the man I called dad or his best friend?'

When ITV finally decided to join the Beeb and Sky, they did so fronted by those two titans of serious television, Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby.

They were joined by three D-list ‘experts’ all desperate to tell their story of the day they crossed swords with/once saw at a charity event/made a cup of tea for Baroness Thatcher. All three were awful and boring. Cringe? I still haven’t stopped.

Momentous: The ceremony at Margaret Thatcher's funeral involved hundreds of troops

Service: The procession of Lady Thatcher's coffin down the nave of St Paul's Cathedral

Schofield then went on to confirm that he has no future as a commentator for ceremonial state events. Describing the Queen and the Duke Of Edinburgh entering St Paul’s Cathedral, Schofield put on his best respectful voice and intoned, 'The Queen and The Duke Of Edinburgh process to their seats.'

Process what to their seats? Didn’t ITV have Alastair Stewart at St Paul’s for that very purpose? To commentate professionally? Even Schofield’s old buddy, Gordon the Gopher, might have done a better job.

The BBC, meanwhile, thankfully left the dumbing down to ITV. After the horrors of last year’s Diamond Jubilee coverage, I was half expecting to see Fearne Cotton, amonsgt the crowd, freshly-minted 'Iron Lady - Girl Power - YEAH!' tattoo on forearm, asking random crowd members, 'What did you think of Lord Thatcher, innit?'

But no, they made the sensible decision to leave proceedings to David Dimbleby who, before the funeral started, led an interesting and informed debate on Baroness Thatcher’s legacy, replete with anecdotes from the likes of Lord Forsyth and Matthew Parris.

Alternative presenter? Even Gordon the Gopher would have done a better job than Schofield

Not up to it? Willoughby did not do much to boost her own reputation as a serious presenter

There was no attempt at offbeat angles or dumb japes. And Dimbleby’s gravitas and good judgment was also notable during the procession and funeral.

For the starkest of contrasts, one only had to watch ITV’s coverage during the reading given by Amanda, Baroness Thatcher’s granddaughter. Instead of being inside the cathedral, poor Alastair Stewart was outside interviewing that shameless old grandstander, Edwina Currie, telling us another story about how great she is.

Poor Stewart looked desolate, marooned outside the main event like a correspondent from a regional newspaper from Ecuador.

The BBC and Sky also dealt well with Baroness Thatcher’s naysayers. Dimbleby referred to a ‘confusion of opinion’, while Sky interviewed several dissenters. ITV, by this time, however, had moved onto Loose Women. They were back on safe ground.

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