Calm Down: The Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week

PandaRoll up, roll up!* It’s time for the Ten Funniest Things feature.

(*When you reach number 10, you are going to be really impressed with the tie in. Well, maybe not really impressed. Mildly impressed. Mildly might still be overstating it. You’re going to think, ‘Oh. Yeah.’)

Silly Mummy gives you The Toddler:

1. On safety
The Toddler and The Baby are playing. The Toddler has decided to ensure that all the appropriate regulations are being followed. She makes The Baby aware of the priorities: ‘Safety first, The Baby.’ The Baby looks at her soft, squishy ball in confusion, and flings it in a safety conscious manner at The Toddler’s head.

2. On baby pandas, not cute
Silly Mummy is showing The Toddler a video of a baby panda playing with a ball. The Toddler is amused. The baby panda is very cute. He loves his ball. It’s all very cute. Doesn’t everyone find baby pandas cute? Silly Mummy says to The Toddler, ‘Is he cute?’
‘No, not cute.’ Okay, not everyone.

3. On Mummy’s hair
The Toddler is stroking Mummy’s hair: ‘This nice. Like it…Cut it off now?’ Well, that escalated quickly.

4. On herself, thinking…maybe
The Toddler has climbed onto Silly Mummy’s bed. Silly Mummy says, ‘What are you doing up there?’
The Toddler knows the answer to this, thus she is able to provide an assured and decisive response: ‘I’m thinking…No…Yes. Am thinking. Doing thinking now.’ Nothing like having to think about whether you’re thinking.

5. On Grandma, writing it
The Toddler is looking at a book of nursery rhymes. She is pointing at part of the inscription Grandma wrote for her inside the front cover: ‘What’s that say?’
Silly Mummy tells her, ‘That’s the date when Grandma wrote it.’
The Toddler is astounded: ‘Grandma wrote it? Grandma WROTE IT??’ The Toddler is either really impressed by anyone being able to write, or she now thinks Grandma wrote the whole book.

6. On Mummy, not saying that
The Toddler marches over to Silly Mummy with her hand extended, and demands, ‘Do nice to meet you.’
Silly Mummy holds out her own hand, and obediently says, ‘Nice to meet you.’
‘No, don’t say that, Mummy.’

7. On Daddy, being naughty
Silly Daddy has said something to The Toddler that she doesn’t like. She is now looking mutinous and muttering away under her breath: ‘Daddy, go away. Go away, being naughty.’

8. On calming down
The Toddler is lying on the bathmat after her bath. She suddenly says, ‘Calm down.’ Then: ‘Calm down, calm down, calm down, calm down, calm down, calm down, calm down, CALM DOWN!’ She is panting, giggling and rolling around. Silly Mummy doesn’t think The Toddler quite grasps the concept of calming down. Based on a comparison of The Toddler’s demeanour before and after calming herself down, Silly Mummy concludes that The Toddler has confused ‘calm’ and ‘rabid’.

9. On catch 22
The Toddler is getting up. Silly Mummy therefore inexplicably suggests getting dressed: ‘Let’s get The Toddler into some clothes.’
‘No, Mummy, stop being naughty! Am doing something! Am doing naughty!’ Well, quite. The Toddler cannot get dressed because she is busy. She is doing something. The something she is doing is being naughty. Why is she being naughty? Because she won’t get dressed. It’s toddler catch 22. Toddler catch 22 is very like any catch 22, but louder and more hysterical.

10. On the circus, flashbacks to
The Toddler is eating her dinner. She suddenly stops. She stares into the distance. She announces, ‘Went circus…With Grandma…And Daddy…Went clap, clap.’ She claps her hands. The Toddler returns to her dinner. The Toddler did go to the circus. With Grandma and Daddy. It was about a month ago. The Toddler is having circus flashbacks. You weren’t there, man! You don’t know!

(The Baby is funny too
The Baby is on a mission. She pulls herself up on her little lion walker, and marches over to Silly Mummy at quite a pace. The Baby looks at Silly Mummy, she bangs her little hand down on the handle of her walker for emphasis, and declares, ‘A raah rah! A raah rah! A yeah yeah yeah!’ Having made that quite clear, she nods with satisfaction, and marches off again.)

Other posts in the ‘Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week’ feature
Week 1: Come On, Guys
Week 2: I’ll Tell You What, Mummy
Week 3: Think So, Mummy
Week 4: Your Emus
Week 5: Don’t Do It
Week 6: Get On It
Week 8: Perfick
Week 9: That’s Not Fair
Week 10: Silly Me

Super Busy MumMamaduckquacksBrilliant blog posts on HonestMum.comYou Baby Me MummyPost Comment LoveFriday Frolics


  1. Haha! I remember the days of such cute things said. Now my mini-monsters say the damnedest things…literally. And it’s funny how the toddler suddenly remembers the circus. My minis will remember something from like a year ago but can’t remember what they destroyed 10 minutes ago. I am visiting from #MMWBH.

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Yes – selective memories they have! Haha – I may have to change the theme of my blog when they are old enough to be saying non-cute things! Thanks for popping by!

    • Silly Mummy says:

      She is funny! Yes, I suppose concepts like ‘calm’ are more difficult than tangible objects like ‘duck’ – perhaps that is her excuse! Perhaps I should try pointing out calm ducks in order to clarify the meaning of the word…Thanks for reading!

  2. I’m so late to this, got all distracted by the unfunny picnic! I love the circus memory, I’m astounded by how that happens in these little people and also the detail they remember. I often think the pictures in my boy’s head must be really weird.
    Hope you are loving your new short bob and have stopped being naughty long enough so The Toddler can get on with her thinking. X

    • Silly Mummy says:

      No, I continue to disrupt thinking with my naughtiness! Yeah, it is really weird how they suddenly remember things, and the links they make between random things as well. I did like the new bob, until The Toddler assured me it was not cute! x

  3. Natasha says:

    Always enjoy reading these. S has been coming out with the funniest one liners lately….a few days ago I was telling my dad and brother off and I said “Guys, there’s a line!” (don’t cross it). Suddenly a day later, They’re messing about with S and he belts out…very dramatically of course….”GUYS! there’s a line,” LOL Thanks for linking up to #happyquacks x

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Aww – cheeky is always good! Yes, it’s lovely when you get to be able to understand them (& thereby find out that they are little maniacs!) Thanks for reading!

  4. Su says:

    Lol! Toddlers are so funny! My favourite from your list are: 1. On safety, 5. On Grandma, writing it, 9. On catch 22, & 10. On the circus, flashbacks. They are so funny! #TheList

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Ah thank you! Yes, I think those may be my favourites too. Her utter disbelief that Grandma wrote it still makes me smile! Thanks for popping by.

  5. Becky says:

    He he it sounds like you have your hands full there! Very funny, such funny characters, bet you’re looking forward to when the Baby talks more! Becky x #fridayfrolics

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Haha – yes, they are characters! Yes, god knows what they will be like when The Baby talks more! The Marx brothers, probably! Thanks for popping by!

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