No one puts Louise in the naughty corner ! Alik’s showdown with Louise Thompson after she kissed Elliot didn’t work out as he expected on Made In Chelsea, by Jim Shelley

Alik Alfus was taking no chances on Made In Chelsea.

He took his girlfriend Louise Thompson with him back to New York after a flying visit to investigate stories that she had drunkenly disgraced herself and betrayed him – again.

At least this was what Louise herself was claiming – along with Elliot and the scriptwriters - although Louise was also saying she had been so ‘wasted’ she had no recollection of it. In her eyes this was better and not worse.

Scroll down for video 

Fuming: Alik Alfus was taking no chances on Made In Chelsea, taking girlfriend Louise Thompson with him back to New York after a flying visit to investigate rumours she'd drunkenly disgraced herself and betrayed him

The only good news was that he didn’t have to buy her an air ticket. Louise was so small she would fit into his hand luggage and could travel in the overhead locker.

This might seem harsh but frankly she had got off lightly. After all, a week in NYC was surely better than one in MiC – even if you did have to spend it with Alik. Presumably he would be at work, making his appalling leather waistcoats and yuppie biker jackets for men like him who wanted to look like The Fonz.

It wasn’t clear how this would act as a deterrent for Louise (rather than encourage her) and how Alik thought it was a punishment for her latest indiscretion/ infidelity.

Louise had accepted (eventually) that she had ‘hooked up’ with Elliot, a peripheral character in the show even more vacuous and wooden than his friend JP.

Is it really true? At least this was what Louise herself was claiming – along with Elliot and the scriptwriters - although Louise was also saying she had been so ‘wasted’ she had no recollection of it

The odds of such dalliances always occurring with other members of the cast – rather than anyone else in the whole of London – are so miniscule it’s spooky. Or scripted. So is the way that their lapses of lust are confined to kissing – apart from Spencer’s of course. The likes of JP, Jess, Sam, and Lucy Watson’s sister have all made such guilt-stricken admissions but vehemently denied anything else took place.

Both Elliot and Louise were so vociferous about their distaste for something so minor you wondered how drunk they’d had to be to manage it and whether they were protesting too much.

‘It just makes me feel like s**t !’ Elliot wailed to JP while Louise argued that the thought of it made her feel ‘very unwell.’

Luckily for their sake Louise spent the night in his bed - alone (supposedly). This was Elliot’s story and he was sticking to it when Alik headed straight from the airport to interrogate him and challenge him to a duel. After all Alik is the Dick of the series – the Dick Van Dyke that is. This was his idea of what the English would do in this situation.

‘What’s going on dude?!’ he greeted Elliot whose groveling apologies were so spineless and foppish he made Hugh Grant look like Grant Mitchell.

‘So walk me through it. What are the details?’ Alik demanded, perversely. ‘So you remember everything?’ he continued after Elliot had filled him in (as it were).

‘What’s going on dude?!’ Alik confrotned a terrified Elliot, who was left floundering in the face of Alik's anger

‘Yeah well I’ve got a conscience,’ Elliot claimed, meaning ‘unlike Louise.’

‘You don’t really have a conscience Elliot !’ snapped Alik. ‘What are you talking about? I don’t really trust you at all.’

‘What? Because I’m coherent enough to remember, even though I was absolutely wasted like her? So it’s more of an issue on MY behalf?!’ Elliot objected.

‘That’s exactly what I’m saying !’ Alik concluded accusingly in the manner of Quincy: ME.

‘Well you’re incorrect !’ Elliot sniffed.

‘I disagree !’ huffed Alik.

‘Well we’ll have to agree to disagree then !’ shrugged Elliot, at which point Alik flounced off.

As showdowns go, it wasn’t exactly the Rumble In The Jungle or the Trial of Oscar Wilde, or even an episode of Judge Judy.

Alik must have felt more confident about his quest for justice and making Louise beg for mercy. But if he did, it showed a) he didn’t really know her very well and b) he didn’t watch Made In Chelsea.

‘It’s just rilly, rilly, annoying,’ Louise complained to Rosie and Binky about the negative consequences of the kiss. ‘Because I was in a rilly good place.’

‘It’s just rilly, rilly, annoying’: Louise complained to Rosie and Binky about the negative consequences of the kiss, ‘because I was in a rilly good place’ with Alec before she went and spoilt everything

‘Now I just feel like a child. And I’m being punished and put in the naughty corner!’: Shocked by Alik's behaviour - even though Louise cheated - her friends were there for her with a few supportive plans of attack

So unfair !

‘Now I just feel like a child. And I’m being punished and put in the naughty corner !’

Poor Louise ! No-one ever said…

Her reaction to Alik’s annoyance about her behaviour was to become annoyed herself.

‘Please don’t ! I don’t want to get upset !’ she protested, rather missing the point.

Alik foolishly tried to steer the conversation back towards one in which HE was the aggrieved party.

‘I don’t know if I can take another episode like this !’ he blustered.

That’s how we feel every week.

Louise was resolute though. After all, she had a good excuse, namely it was not her fault.

‘I don’t want to lose you over something that’s just out of my control !’ she insisted.

Patiently, as if talking to a child (in the naughty corner), Alik reminded her: ‘you allowed yourself to get that drunk when you KNOW what you’re like when you drink like that.’

‘We just need to move forward !’ she countered – another masterful response to being completely in the wrong.

It was evidently difficult to emphasise just how hard and horrible it was – living with the constant possibility that she might get drunk and kiss someone, jeopardizing their entire relationship. Difficult for her that is…

Painfully patient: Patiently, as if talking to a child (in the naughty corner), Alik reminded her: ‘you allowed yourself to get that drunk when you KNOW what you’re like when you drink like that’

‘We just need to move forward!’: Louise countered with another masterful response to being completely in the wrong

‘I can’t lose you, you’re my everything, my whole life,’ she babbled. ‘This is hard for me. I’m on the brink of bursting into tears the whole time.’

Strangely she never actually did though.

‘So how are you going to change?!’ Alik demanded.

‘I’ll do anything,’ Louise said.

We could guess what her reply would have been if he had asked the obvious question ‘will you give up drink?’ – sing a quick chorus of ‘I’ll Do Anything For Love But I Won’t Do That.’

She had even gone for cocktails when she discussed the problem her drinking kept creating with Rosie and Binky.

Luckily Alik had his old chums to have a heart-to-heart with.

‘Now you’ve got to go back to New York,’ summarized Proudlock. ‘But how do you know in the next three or four months she’s not going to go out on another night and this is going to happen again?’

Gee thanks buddy ! Alik’s only answer was he couldn’t.

He couldn’t leave Louise behind in London he told her (several times) when he was ‘seeing her kissing him in my head, 24/7.’

Poor guy. That really was disturbing.

If she didn’t show more remorse or understanding, he would have to think about breaking it off (the relationship that is).

‘So is that an ultimatum saying I need to move to New York or we can’t be together?’ Louise bridled. ‘At the end of the day you can’t force me to go. I’m going to go at my own pace. I’m going to move when I want to move.’

So much for being the love of his life and doing ‘anything.’

Alik reminded her that SHE was the one who was in the wrong. But the more he insisted ‘You have to hear what I’m saying and you have to accept it and internalise it !’ the more affronted and lofty she became.

‘How much more do you want to see me groveling?!’ she lamented. ‘Do you want people to be more hating on me?!’

Communication breakdown? Her silence suggested that she wasn’t actually listening or that she’d decided going to New York for a week wasn’t so bad after all – if only to stop him whining.

Yeah damn those haters.

‘I want you to be more sympathetic to how I’m feeling !’ he moaned – a natural reaction but one which only made her worse.

‘I assure you how much I love you every day !’ she complained, before sneering snobbishly ‘I actually think you’re being a little bit ungrateful.’

Ungrateful for even knowing her perhaps?

‘You’ve got some nerve to say something like that !’ Alik laughed in disbelief, but actually looking as if her complete disdain for him was a turn-on. Until, that is, she added: ‘it’s not a good idea for us to start arguing about it.’

‘It’s not for you to say whether it’s a good idea or not !’ he spluttered in amazement. ‘It’s for you to just listen to what I have to say and accept how I’m feeling. ANYTHING I say – even if you disagree with it – should be completely accepted and internalized !’

His repetition of this phrase indicated he had been on some kind of course or been having therapy – to help him deal with going out with Louise.

Her silence suggested that she wasn’t actually listening or that she’d decided going to New York for a week wasn’t so bad after all – if only to stop him whining.

Either way, later on, we saw him at the flat holding her passport, waiting as she obediently climbed into his suitcase, before forcefully zipping it up. 

Packed off to the Big Apple: Either way, later on, we saw him at the flat holding her passport, waiting as she obediently climbed into his suitcase, before forcefully zipping it up